Diabetic Dreams

When I fall asleep at night I know I am bound to wake up the next morning with the memory of an extremely vivid dream. This is who I am, I have always had the most vivid dreams, and I love it. My dreams feed my imagination, and my imagination feeds my dreams.

The last thing I want to follow me into my dreams, though, is my diabetes. I spend all day with this disease breathing down my neck like an overbearing boss, I don't want to dream about it. The good thing is that I've only had a handful of diabetic dreams in my lifetime.

One such dream I had when I was in the sixth grade. At this time in my life I was having a really hard time dealing with my diabetes (I never haven't had a hard time of it!). I was constantly wishing, hoping, praying to be cured. I was also dealing with constant and really strong cravings for everything deadly that was made of chocolate. And I was also noticing (and being teased about) the fact that I was gaining weight. So it's no surprise that one night I dreamed that I found a genie lamp on the beach and rubbed it. When the genie asked me my three wishes I wished to be cured of diabetes, have a lifetime supply of chocolate, and be at my ideal weight forever.

One time I dreamed that I was taking my shot and the needle broke off inside me and started to travel around my body. I was frightened that it would travel to my heart and kill me. I kept chasing it around my body and trying to stop it and figure out how to get it out. But nothing I did worked! I panicked more and more until the fright woke me up. I remember when I woke up I was drenched in sweat and my heart was pounding.

Another dream took place in a post apocalyptic future. The world was ruled by an evil tyrant. This tyrant decreed that all persons who were not perfectly healthy and able to create perfectly healthy offspring were to be put to death. I spent the dream running and hiding from soldiers searching for unhealthy people. I watched many people beheaded for their illnesses and was so frightened I would be caught and put to the guillotine as well.

In another post apocalyptic dream I was in a world sparse with people and resources. I struggled to find food, and struggled even more to find insulin. In this dream I resorted to killing any living creature I could find and ate their pancreas' to stay alive!

My most recent diabetic dream was a bloody one. I was checking my blood-sugar and the prick sight wouldn't stop bleeding. It sprayed blood all over the room and me. It gushed with the force of a fire hose and covered the walls, ceiling, floor, and me in red, sticky blood. I tried in vain to stop the bleeding and feared I wold bleed to death from a tiny finger prick. I cursed Plavix with a string of cuss words as I squeezed my finger as hard as I could to stop the spurting red river, but nothing stopped the blood, it just kept coming.

Normally I have dreams that are similar to the opening segment of the movie "10." You know, the one of Bo Derek running down the beach. LOL! only in my dreams. But, no. Really the other night I had a funny dream where I was eating. No, take that back. Devouring a chocolate cake that could feed an army. I woke up to check my BG, it was in normal range. Next morning I told my wife of my dream, she laughed. She said I must have been craving chocolate or something sweet. I even told her about my dreams of Bo Derek running on the beach in the nude. "No breakfast for you BUD!" wink, wink.

Haha! I tell my husband about the sexy dreams I have and he replies with stuff like, "Well, guess I better step up the romance!" LOL :D

I've never felt like my dreams were particularly interesting, though at times they were incredibly vivid. In the years just before and after my fibromyalgia diagnosis, I actually didn't dream at all for the better part of a decade because my sleep was terribly disrupted and I never hit that level of sleep where dreams happen. And then, as things stabilized a bit---boom. They were back and that was a celebratory moment---no matter how prosaic! Usually they are sort of goofy collages of imagery from the last few days--often amusing---but even that meant waking up to a sleepy giggle. Very nice.

Interestingly, I've had two recurring dreams over the years. It took me awhile to peg them to a trigger. The scary one started during a brief period after my solo concert in 1979 when I was stalked for a time. In it, I am shot (which I definitely was not in real time) and it is always outside a movie theater in SE Portland where I saw a wonderful film about refugees arriving at Ellis Island, called "Hester Street." And I wake up trying to scream as the bullet approaches. Needless to say, nothing like that every happened. I assume the dream occurs when I am more than ordinarily afraid of something.

The second one is thrilling when it happens. It always coincided with the onset of a creative burst as I prepared for developing a new dance/theater work. My dream roamed through a labyrinth of hallways and rooms until it arrived at a large, over-stuffed attic with row upon row of ceiling high bookshelves. And I would wake up and research my theme with joy and boundless enthusiasm. That was a great dream!.....Blessings on our dreaming selves!.....