My name is Lindsey, I am new to the TuDiabetes blog, I thought I would just share my story and see if anyone could relate and maybe share some advice.
I have been type 1 diabetic for over 10 years, for as long as I can remember really. I am home from college for the summer right now and recently had what I like to call an early life crisis.
During high school, I let go of my diabetic control. I refused to test, never bolused, and basicly lived on my basal rate and by the skin of my teeth for years. It even continued into my first year of college.
As I laid in my hospital bed in full swing DKA a few weeks ago, I had my "come to jesus" moment when I realized: I cant live like this, I am destroying myself, I am not only hurting myself, but my family and friends that have supported me for so long, it has to stop here.
I am doing my best, but after neglecting my diabetes for so long, I is so hard to make myself stay in control. I know I have to straighten up before I end up really messing myself up.
I dont know if anyone else has experienced this phanomanon? I feel like I am the oly one that has felt like my diabetes is too much and just gave up.
I'm going to keep my response short, ALL OF US HAVE GONE THROUGH THIS! Trust me! I also had an early life crises, thank god I'm only 23 and healthy. I'm glad you got your life back on track. Stay on TuDiabetes to keep you encouraged, its helped all of us in the diabetes burn out stage ;-)
You're not alone, Lindsey. Please don't beat yourself up. Better an early life crisis than a late life crisis, right? Been DKA & I never want to feel that sick again. Scared me more than I can describe. Just move forward.
Lindsey, what is in the past is just that…in the past. What matters now is what you do going forward. It seems you have made a decision to live better and more in control. Good for you, that is step number one.
For the rest of it I suggest you don’t try to tackle it all at once. Begin by testing as you should. Keep a logbook to look for trends. Once we have testing down then we can move on to other things.
You can defeat the monster and keep him in check. Just start small and work your way up. Remember…YOU CAN DO IT!!
They say the first steps can be the hardest. I'd say that by recognizing your problem or calling it a problem in the first place, you are probably halfway "there", whereever "there" is? I've read lots of stories from other folks that have similar experiences and maybe they will help you. I was really into partying and stuff in college so I had an alterior motive to keep diabetes sort of in line but I won't suggest that as it's not really productive?
I think that Tu can be a really useful resource that, in some cases, can be faster than doctors, if say a question comes up at 11:53 PM on Sunday night? I guess the ER is there but there's lots of smart people here who will answer questions thoughtfully. I have said before that diabetes is a lot of work whether you take care of it or not and, even when I didn't do that well at taking care of it, it was still a big PITA (acronym, not the 30G of carbs kind...).
One thing that I think to get started might be to take time to read "Think Like a Pancreas" or "Pumping Insulin". These are really good 'owner's manuals' that I think do a great job putting all of the stuff that we have to do all the time into a format that rightly respects all the work and explains how to figure out your own numbers (doses, rates, ratios...) in a manner similar to a doctor. When a doctor says "take X insulin", I think they are just guessing. It may be an educated guess but it's up to us to fine tune their suggestions to get it right or, if they guess lucky, to make sure their guess was right. They do they guessing and we have to live with it. I've noticed since I sort of got my own diabetes situation in decent control a few years ago that being a bit off in ratio or basal rate can make a big (40-80 points...) in my BG that will bum me out. It's not really my doctor's fault but I will use the tools I've got to fix stuff and those books have all of the tools in them.
Yep, been there. I'm a 40 year Type 1. Fortunately my "off the wagon" swing was only for about 3 months. Right about the same time as yours in my life. Then I gained the momentum back to do the right thing. Diabetes and Depresssion are hand in hand. Talk to your insurance company about counciling. That may be the ticket for you to find your peace with diabetes and it's trials.
I can relate too. Spent what would have been my honeymoon in the hospital for 18 days. I agree with Acidrock recognizing that you have an obstacle is the first step towards clearing your path. Keep at it,
Yes been there and done that. I had the same "ahaa" DKA episode in the hospital for four days 4 years ago. I also do not want it to happen again.....but also fight with myself on a daily basis to keep on the straight and narrow. Good luck and keep on here as this site is amazing for getting to hear from all of us who are in the same boat as you :)
