Early Monday Morning

Well it is 1:45 am and sleep does not come easy, have been in pain most of the day and have been laying around. I did get online and answer a few emails and left some comments. This is the worst day so far this week (Sunday). I just hope that this next week gets better. I have taken my meds, but nothing seems to be working for me. I may have to call the Dr., and see what she thinks. I hate to do that, she will want to see me and I know what she is going to say, with Fibro, you just have take it easy and do what feel you can do. I can’t get the new drug they have out for this, I use the VA and they don’t have the new drug yet and it would take and act of Congress to get it. She put me on some meds that were not on the list and it took 6 months to get it, by that time I was ready to throw out all of my meds and just live with it. I am down and out this morning, I don’t want to live this way anymore. I know there isn’t much I can do about it, but the finger sticking, the shots, the 8 different meds I take are taking a toll on me. There is the blood pressure meds, my insulin, allergy, pain, acid reflux, my oral meds for diabetes, and my Bipolar meds. Had to stop taking the Niacin, it caused a severe allergic reaction. Had to live with the hives and itching for about a week with that one, along with the pain. Along with the not sleeping, I have my daughter’s cat to contend with, she is still at her boyfriends and he drives me nuts when she is not here, I am allergic and have to try and keep him off of me, but he wants to love on me constantly when she is gone. I hate to be mean and keep putting him in the floor, so I pet him for a bit then make him get down, right now he is chasing one of his plastic springs around, making alot of noise and a mess, with his running. I guess it’s better than being up here with me like he does when I am typing, he loves to watch the cursor and chase it. I have had some thoughts to day of someone I have seen or heard from in years, I used to date him, he has been in and out of my thoughts for a couple of days now. He lives in Canada and have no way to contact him, wish I could find him. He would be the one that could bring me out of the funk and make things better. He loved me no matter what, but dumb ■■■ me had to let him go…only cuz he live so far away. Right now I would not care, just to see his face and hear his voice would a great comfort to me. Oh dear, I have went on and on this morning. Just trying to get all of this out, sometimes I feel better and can to sleep when I write all of my thoughts down. There are times when I have to write a poem about what I am feeling. So right off the top of my head, here is a feeling poem.

I am dying inside
I see strength in bleeding
A delicious slow death
As it ends

Kinda weird huh? Oh well, just the words that came to me as I was typing and listening to music. Well, guess I will end this now, since I have typed till my fingers are numb…lol

Free MySpace Gothic

Beth,my dear friend,
Do not think black.think pink.think flowers and waves.Write poems to the one you loved,if he is around he would not be that great,he is nice because he is a dream,we,women are the same,those we cannot have are great,those around we with them,get bored.
We are going to publish our book,and more to come,I promise you,just start my friend collecting your poems.
God,who created the great universe,to whom we sing,love and pray,will look after you,so pure& spiritual you are Beth.
Men are the next poems but if they are around they will stop your writing,by making you either happy or miserable,both ways will stop creative work.
Love is enough!!!

Hope that today is a better day!