I have a bad case of the pre-endo nerves. I know it seems stupid to be nervous for a smallish thing like meeting an endo, but it’s a big deal for me. I have a lot of expectation attached to this appointment, and I’m afraid I’m going to be terribly disappointed and that he’s going to tell my that my current quality of life is as good as it’s going to get. I’m afraid he’s going to think that I have all the hypos because I’m abusing my insulin, not because my body dumps out insulin about 3 hours after a meal. I’m afraid he won’t listen to me, or take me seriously, or that he might feel threatened because I’m motivated and self-educated when it comes to D. I’m afraid I’ll be too scared or nervous to ask him about the tinnitus and fatigue and coldness of my body. I’m afraid that he won’t do the tests that I think need to be done (HbA1c, C-peptide, GAD, GTT and thyroid function). I’m afraid he’ll try to diagnose me based on my age or weight, and I don’t buy into that at all. I’m scared he’ll tell me I’m not diabetic and send me home, and then I’ll end up with a horrific HbA1c a year or two later and have complications and vision loss (one of my biggest fears, as my vision is so bad already).
Mostly, I’m afraid that I won’t find answers to the questions I have about things that bug me on a daily basis, and make my life difficult. I want a better quality of life, and I want to be listened to and heard. I don’t want to be just another patient. I want to be a valuable partner in the quest for better health. I think I need to say this to my endo, though.