Er's are no fun

So, I spent a good 6 hours in the ER yesterday. I started throwing up and couldn’t stop and then I passed out and hit my head. The doctors are saying it’s just a virus and they’re probably right. I wonder if it has anything to do with my eating disorder? My blood sugar kept dropping too…diabetes just complicates things so much.

I’ve been very diligent about taking my insulin the past few days. It has been really hard though, but I’m doing it. It really makes me think about diabetes though and everything that goes with it. It’s a pain in the butt to take 6 shots a day, watch my blood sugars, treating lows, and just being all around diligent about everything. I’m learning (well I already) knew how big of a responsibility diabetes is. In a lot of ways I feel like I lost my childhood to it. I felt like I had to grow up fast and be responsible because of my mom and her diabetes. I felt like I lost out on so much and then I was diagnosed. Then I had to grow up even faster. I’ve felt like an adult for more than half my life. I wish I could get my childhood back…I know I can’t, but I wish I could be a little more carefree sometimes. It’s something that doesn’t work with diabetes though. It’s hard to be carefree and spontaneous when you always have to be prepared. I know that is really the key to everything is being prepared. It just sucks.

I worry so much about losing my job and my health insurance. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to afford my insulin and test strips and stuff, although I’m having a hard time paying for it now with my deductible.

I’m trying to sit with my feelings. This was something that my therpaist recommended. It’s really hard too. I have a lot to work out with the diabetes stuff. I feel like I need to talk to someone more than ever, but my therapist has been sick and I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks and who knows if he’ll be in next week? So, i guess I’m turning here to talk about my feelings and get some support.

How do you deal with diabetes when you don’t want it? How do you accept it and make it okay and live a decent life?

I accept it because I realize it’s not going away. (I personally don’t believe a cure will be found in my lifetime, but that’s just me) There is nothing else. It’s life with diabetes, and caring for that diabetes, or it’s complications and death.

While I accept it, that doesn’t necessarily make it ‘ok’. Of course I’m not ok with it. I don’t think it’s fair to expect anyone with diabetes to be ok with it. It sucks, quite frankly.

I look at my life as decent because I don’t feel like my diabetes has stopped me in any big way. I have the career I want. I’m getting the other things in life that I want. Yes, of course I think life would be better without it. But my life is decent. I certainly can think of worse ways to live my life.

I think acceptance comes to us at different times. I’ve been diabetic since I was 6. I don’t really remember life before diabetes. You’d think that would make me a person who came to feel acceptance for it easily and early on. Not so. I didn’t really accept it until a few years ago. It may also take you some time.

I guess, long story short: I have no choice. I have it. I have to deal with it. Or I’ll die. End of story.

Maybe you’ll find that dealing with your own diabetes will be like my process, or it may be different (more positive than me? haha).

Wish I could come up with some magic answer. I relate to what you say because I was diagnosed at 14 & feel that my youth was taken away from me. Now I’m in my 40s it’s really starting to hit home, as I know my body is ageing. I had a day of throwing up 3 weeks ago, happens every few months as I have problems with my stomach & bowels. I suppose I’ve had to accept it as I don’t have a choice.

I do understand how you feel. I do not know what your eating disorder is, but you are hit with a double whammy. It is a pig sometimes. Most of the time I get through it by using the alarm on my mobile phone to remind me to test, eat, take insulin etc.

I suspect you might be suffering from depression too. Triple whammy.

Trouble is, there is no-one can force you to look after yourself. One way to think of it, is if you care for yourself and spend some time on yourself (sounds selfish, I know) then you are less likely to be a burden on others, you will be able to do the things you want/need to do with more ease - no collapsing, fewer highs and the consequences, short term or long term and you will generally feel much better in yourself. Pat yourself on the back when you get it right, even if it is slightly lower sugars when you have been running high, shake yourself when you have been a bit negligent, or look for a reason why your blood sugars are high - usually an infection or stress - if you have not and then get on with life. Yesterday was yesterday. Today is a new day. Nobody wants diabetes. Unfortunately as yet there is no cure. We have to learn to deal with it and persevere. Perseverance makes for a stronger person. And get your depression dealt with. There is no shame in it. I have it. I recognise when I am going down with it and medicate and rest accordingly and am a bit more kind to myself when I feel myself getting low.

Talk to me if you need to. I am always here, and I am going through it too so I do understand. I have made myself a list of reasons why diabetes can be an advantage. I once was having a hypo while talking with my Pastor. He was flapping and I just asked him for something sweet. I was eating a particularly nice biscuit (nicer because he had sacrificed his favourite snack!) and I mused, “Do you know? I quite like this condition.” He asked why and I said “Mmm. The treatment can be quite pleasant!” I had never thought a