So, I spent a good 6 hours in the ER yesterday. I started throwing up and couldn’t stop and then I passed out and hit my head. The doctors are saying it’s just a virus and they’re probably right. I wonder if it has anything to do with my eating disorder? My blood sugar kept dropping too…diabetes just complicates things so much.
I’ve been very diligent about taking my insulin the past few days. It has been really hard though, but I’m doing it. It really makes me think about diabetes though and everything that goes with it. It’s a pain in the butt to take 6 shots a day, watch my blood sugars, treating lows, and just being all around diligent about everything. I’m learning (well I already) knew how big of a responsibility diabetes is. In a lot of ways I feel like I lost my childhood to it. I felt like I had to grow up fast and be responsible because of my mom and her diabetes. I felt like I lost out on so much and then I was diagnosed. Then I had to grow up even faster. I’ve felt like an adult for more than half my life. I wish I could get my childhood back…I know I can’t, but I wish I could be a little more carefree sometimes. It’s something that doesn’t work with diabetes though. It’s hard to be carefree and spontaneous when you always have to be prepared. I know that is really the key to everything is being prepared. It just sucks.
I worry so much about losing my job and my health insurance. Without it, I wouldn’t be able to afford my insulin and test strips and stuff, although I’m having a hard time paying for it now with my deductible.
I’m trying to sit with my feelings. This was something that my therpaist recommended. It’s really hard too. I have a lot to work out with the diabetes stuff. I feel like I need to talk to someone more than ever, but my therapist has been sick and I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks and who knows if he’ll be in next week? So, i guess I’m turning here to talk about my feelings and get some support.
How do you deal with diabetes when you don’t want it? How do you accept it and make it okay and live a decent life?