Sounds like you have a great endo who is willing to work with you.
I don’t think your feelings are ridiculous at all. It’s a hard thing to accept. There are days I just watch myself and think, “how the heck did I get here?” I’m older than you and partially retired as of two years ago. (A month after my diagnosis I left my career and left the U.S. for my next adventure in life here in Central America!) Before that I worked fulltime and taught two classes, saving and investing to retire. I still teach online but have most of my time free to figure all this out. But I know from listening to people on here that it gets easier. It is already starting to get easier for me now that my insulin use is starting to make sense and to control my blood sugar. It was a very steep learning curve but, like most people on here I find that insulin makes it easier because it works!
One thing I find helps with the stigma of INSULIN is the understanding I have that the insulin is doing for me what the pancreas does naturally for non-diabetics. Their pancreas produces the long steady amount of insulin I get from my basal and then spurts of insulin when they eat which I get with my bolus. The basal/bolus system totally replicates the natural process of non-diabetics. John Walsh has an excellent explanation of that in his book Using Insulin. The whole book lays it all out in a very clear manner and I highly recommend it. I’m also good with numbers and think it actually makes all this easier. The numbers make sense; I like when things make sense.
You are also ahead of the game because you are athletic. I never have been and it’s hard to change that at my age. Eating right and getting exercise are all ways of keeping insulin use to the minimum necessary.
By the way, I lost 40 pounds when I was diagnosed. In my case it was needed and I’m at a perfect weight right now, but I was concerned about just going on and on with weight loss. It sounds like you also have the food thing down. Do you count carbs? When I was diagnosed with Type 2 I took the meds and didn’t change very much at all in my diet. I figured I ate healthy enough and didn’t worry about all the carbs I consumed as a vegetarian. Now I am having to learn that at the same time as using insulin because you can’t do one without the other.
The good thing about Type 1.5 as opposed to Type 1 is we have some leeway. We have time to stick our toes in the water and see how cold it is, because our bodies still produce some insulin. I also stand in awe of the young Type 1’s on this board because I think it takes maturity to deal with diabetes. If I’d had it when I was 20 I would have probably died of my bad habits, erratic lifestyle and poor coping skills. When you’re ready you’ll be ready. You might want to get Using Insulin to read up ahead of time, practice counting carbs and oh yeah, don’t forget to breathe!