I’m a stressed college student. There aren’t a lot of people that understand what I’m going through. I’m not a huge person but I want to get back down to the weight that I want to be at and it’s hard because when I make a dedication to do it, I end up having to eat more than I want because of lows(constantly moving around so it’s hard to stabilize). I’ve never really had a love life or too many good friends…or even people that care enough to understand me. I have my family, but sometimes I don’t like to tell them because my mom already worries a lot about me, she doesn’t need the stress. Few other things that are making me feel this way but I don’t want to get into…
But i’ve heard of Diabetic depression and I feel that I suffer from it and can’t seem to slip out of it… i’m not one to have people make over me so i’m usually quiet about the issue, but i’m depressed and lonely and I honestly wouldn’t care if God took me home tomorrow…and sometimes I find myself begging him that he would. I feel that I need a counselor or a support group or something, but i’m pretty sure that there isn’t one around… I just wish there was someone that understood what I go through to talk to a lot, or that I had a really good friend that would try to understand… I just don’t know what to do and I can’t take a lot of breaks for anything because I have to stay focused with school and the fast pace…
Been trying to save for a car I know I’d be happier if I wasn’t depending on public transportation all of the time (volunteering/furthering my career) so I was hoping that would help with the depression maybe?..because I just don’t know what else to do to make me happy 
Was wondering if anyone has had my experience or even diabetic depression… any advice on how to get happy? I’m trying I really don’t want to feel this way!
Friends have just said, “well don’t be depressed then Brea”!.. Umm it’s not that easy, people act like depressed people want to feel this way… it’s frustrating…
The two things that helped me the most were 1) being in debauched psychedelic rock bands when I was in college. I met people and made (and still have…) close friends from that era. While I was partying my brains out, it was useful diabteswise to check at 2:00 in the morning to see if I needed some more insulin to drink some more beer. I didn’t know anything about carb counting or anything like that but, most of the time it worked out pretty well. Same thing for “bike rides to the moon” where we’d get blasted and go cruise around on our bikes, sometimes towing my roommate on his sk8 board. Not anything sensible but it got me out and about. I also studied what I really liked and was concurrently throwing myself pretty deeply into that.
Then, later it was 2) Martial arts. I’d gained weight using insulin and food as “party drugs” and was 37, 275 lbs, and needed to do something. The incremental progress of the school I went to was very useful, one thing at a time, practice over and over again and then succeed and get a new, more challenging thing to do. When I started I was like “there is no way I will ever do that!” looking at some more advanced students but eventually got to where I could do it well. It also helped me get focused on losing weight and keeping my BG in line because I was working out 5-6 days/ week and had so much stuff to learn (on top of a job…) that I felt like if I missed classes, I’d get “behind”. At one point, my A1C was drifting up, as I was cutting back on food and insulin but not in any organized way, just “hmm, if 40U of NPH would cover a bacon cheeseburger @ lunch, maybe hmmm, about 30U for PBJ sandwich?”. Trial and lots of errors. Eventually the goals at the academy got me to the point where I decided to try a pump that made a lot of things fall ino place.
I think that you could apply these models to just about any type of hobby activity but those were two that I considered useful in that I met people and had a lot of fun being part of communities that had nothing to do with diabetes. Every now and then I’d meet someone with diabetes and that was interesting but it wasn’t my “goal”. It put the diabetes in a part of my life where it wasn’t the whole thing?
So sorry you are feeling this way Brea… I had stints of depression on and off from the time I was 15 until I was in my early 40’s. I have been Type one for 43 years and most of my depressions were NOT diabetes related…Though I will say that a low blood sugar will drive me into the “weepies” at times.
I discovered that my perception of WHO I am and WHOSE I am was off kilter when I was depressed, I believed the little malevolent voices ( from my inner pyche? evil forces?) that tried to make me feel that I was so different, so bad, so unworthy of life…It was not until I realized that “God does not make junk”. Even when I am not getting all I think I want from life or am having an economic, health, romantic, or a school crisis…I am still His child. Honey He will “take you hoime” when it is your time to go. I KNOW he has many positive things for you to do right now.Have you read the books Using Insulin and/ or Pumping Insulin by John Walsh?.. They are invaluable to getting in control. It is great that you have a Dexcom. Are you still using the Omnipod as well?
Some people will say to read the bood Diabetes Burn-out by Polonsky. I have only read excerpts, but I have been told it is a good resource as well. Can you check your unicersity heaklth center, for a counselor,m or look uo the local ADA ot even local JDRF on the net. You may be able to find resources for support grouos with young adult type ones in your city.
It is not easy to get over being depressed, I know how hard it is. But again, Brea, as I said, It could be in your perception of your self-worth.
Acidrock’s suggestions to get involved in communities that have little to do with diabetes is a helpful one. You said you do volunteer work and go to school, quite a lot, figuratively, “on your plate”. What accomplishements !!Pat yourself on the back!!
Hope you start feeling better soon. Tudiabetes is a wonderful site and you will find many kind, caring, informed diabetics here who do understand.
God Bless,
Brunetta
I understand. I am in groups that I haven’t really kept up with 
I have friends and have met a lot of people, I have close friends, but I feel like I don’t have that one friend to connect with… if you know what I mean. I decided that maybe I just wouldn’t eat during the day because my blood sugars don’t move around much when I don’t use insulin… and I’ll eat one healthy meal at night? Idk it’s tough! Thanks for the advice!
I’m going to take a look at those books definitely and try to find support groups. Also, I stopped using the Dexcom b/c it was giving me bad readings for a period of time but I will start using that again eventually. I don’t use the Omnipod anymore because it gave me horrible skin issues, and my A1C has improved a lot since I’ve gotten off of that and have just used insulin shots.
I should definitely join more communities, i’m just not one to reach out to people; i’m very reserved. I have noticed that TuDiabetes is a great site and am happy that i’ve joined it since developing diabetes. I haven’t really checked around a lot for counselors because last I heard there was a fee… I don’t have the type of money for that, but maybe my insurance will cover it so I’ll try it.
It could be in my perception of my self worth… i’m not sure where this all started but there’s been this kind of feeling in me for awhile but certain events bring them out I suppose? I don’t know. But your response gave me a lot to think about. Thanks a lot for caring you helped me more than you know 
It also took a lot for me to admit problems that I have because I usually don’t talk about these type of feelings and am seen as the person that “has it all together” & is “mature for my age”… so it’s makes me uncomfortable a little to admit that I suffer from certain societal issues etc
I am like Brunetta, the times that I have been depressed and struggling with things, it usually didn’t have anything to do with diabetes.
I am signed up to get daily messages and weekly podcasts from Joel Osteen. Some days I swear his messages were written for what I was going thru at the time. A couple years ago, I went thru a really bad period. It seemed like every time I turned around, the message that I kept hearing was that God did not promise that you wouldn’t have to go into the fire, but He did promise to get thru the fire. I started asking God to give me the strength to get thru and He did.
Now the message I seem to keep hearing is that God won’t let what was meant for your harm prosper and that has become my new daily prayer. Granted, God is not going to reverse diabetes for you, but some of the things that you hate about diabetes is making you a better person. You are more compassionate than others around you. You are organized. You are responsible. You are a good problem solver. You know that just because plan A worked yesterday doesn’t mean that it will work today so you find something else that will work. When you finish school and go to work full time, you are going to be several steps ahead of your classmates because of those traits. Some of the stuff you actually hate today will help you advance in your career!
I find I feel better about things when I am able to help other people. Would it surprise you to know that your posting this helped me this morning? I read your message before going upstairs and I didn’t know how to answer you. I have been having energy problems and I wanted to do 20 minutes on the treadmill this AM. I didn’t think I was going to make it after one minute on the treadmill. I started thinking about how to answer you and before you know it, I hit my 20 minutes. So your posting this helped me!
Try to spend a little time every day doing something you enjoy. Spend more time on TuD. Sometimes I am frustrated because my BS shot up to 200 for no reason and I log in to see someone else dealing with 400 – suddenly, that 200 doesn’t look so bad! Or 20 other people were sitting at 200 and you know that you are not alone. I don’t have anyone in real life that gets the diabetes stuff, so coming here really does help with that.
Sometimes just writing about it helps too. I started a blog and sometimes I write things in pure anger but I get a message from someone that what I said helped them. There are a lot of people struggling with the same things you are. Even if you don’t have the answers, sometimes writing will not only help you but other people struggling with the same thing.
Thanks! This brought tears to my eyes & all of the things that you said are right, diabetes has definitely made me a stronger person for sure… I do need to do more things that I enjoy, I spend the majority of my time on schoolwork and need to find a way to fit other things in. I know a problem that I have is that I don’t have a church home in the area that I attend school. I need to find one, or at least a Bible study although transportation is always an issue until I get a car -_-…
I will spend more time here, I go through time periods when I spend more time here and periods when I don’t…
I definitely need a blog or just somewhere to write down my feelings. I’m not sure which blog area to go to? Do you have any suggestions?
Also, it’s probably just all of the life issues, diabetes just kind of sits there as the top one since it’s right there in my face everyday… I need to work on my underlying issues…
Hi Brea,
Sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough time right now. The suggestions that Acid and Kelly made are good, and I agree with them.
I understand how college can be a huge stress machine in your life. Between studying, classes, financial pressure and a student lifestyle (spartan), it can be a tough road sometimes.
I’m a professor at a university, and if there’s anything I can do to help you out, please let me know. Perhaps there are some study tips or something that might make your school situation a bit easier, and that might relieve a bit of stress in your life.
Hang in there. You’re going to be OK, it’s just getting through in the mean time is hard.
Brett
Brea your post/reponses and Kelly’s let me know just How
God works things, even our health issues, together for good. He has never failed me and will never fail me !! You are both a wonderful strong persons and joining with you both has more than helped me in my endeavors today!
NOT sure about the best way to start a blog… But some kind person will lead you to that info . You can “Google” up a church congregation or Student faith-based group on or near your campus. I will message you some on-line sites for studies.(Joel Olsteen is great, thanks Kelly.) Take care.
God Bless.
Brunetta
I didn’t mean to make you cry Brea! Transportation is tough for me also. I can’t drive because of neuropathy and have to depend on others for rides. I use my computer to get out & see the world. Even if you can’t get to a church or Bible study, there is a lot online so you can probably find one that you like. In yesterday’s podcast, Joel Osteen said that he picked up his wife’s phone when it started vibrating after she left it on the counter & she was getting inspirational messages texted to her every 2 hours. Even people that seem like that have it all need those messages also.
I have my blog on Wordpress.com – it is totally free unless you want to add stuff on but they offer enough that you don’t have to. A friend of mine told me Google’s Blogger was better but I didn’t really like them. WP has over 100 different themes to choose from so you can probably find something that you like. I have had mine their about 1 ½ years and have gone thru at least 10 different themes – every time I find one I like, they come out with a new one and I end up changing themes. I just bought my own domain name in Sep but still have my blog on WP. I have seen other people with blogs on Blogger that managed to do some nice stuff with theirs, but I couldn’t figure it out! Mine is at http://kellywpa.com/ if you want to check it out. If you decide to go with WP and have some questions, I will try to help.
I am glad you found help in your endeavors today Brunetta! Brea’s question helped me too.
I really Joel’s positive messages and it really helps when you are down in the dumps.
Wow, amazing.
You’re so young to be a professor, awesome! & i’m not sure about study tips etc that I could ask for… everything would be so specific
Thanks a lot for your post and advice
It was good tears I will check out the different sites also, thanks a lot
Hi Brea,
Sorry you’re having such a hard time. Does your school have a health service where you could see a therapist? Depression is a difficult disease and there are things that you can do to improve your situation by yourself and people have given you lots of good advice in that area but sometimes you need to treat the disease itself. A good therapist can help you overcome the despair and hopelessness which makes it so much harder to live life.
Take care,
Maurie
I agree with still young at heart. There are actually therapists trained to assist people with chronic illness. I saw one for a while 5 or 6 years ago when the D was really getting to me. I have never really believed in therapy but was desperate. She really did help me.
Also, the support groups may help you. Like here, you may get some great ideas, tips, etc. to help. And you would be with people who understand without all the detaisl.
(The worst low I ever had was in college. Got up, tested, drank a little juice, took my morning dose of insulin and went back to bed without eating breakfast. Was completely out of it. Did not wake up until I was in the emergency room. Remember that you are not sleeping alone, if you have room mates. Educate them a little, so they can help you if you need assistance.)
Good luck, Brea!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U1DVYpw1rRk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWVn6MCExjA&feature=related
Check these out. Listen to them with your soul. I listen to them both several times a day. I have a wife and kids and yes they make me happy but like you said people come and go. I lost my daughter a few years ago. It was during a relationship that I had before my wife. I was in that relationship for 4 years. Right at 5 months she went into labor. Our daughter was born and she was alive for a little over an hour and a half. We held and played with her like nothing was wrong until she passed. I didn’t have time to grieve because I had to keep the girlfriend from falling completely apart. And a few months after she got it together she left and then I had time to grieve and then some all alone.
For the next year I had to find my way back to GOD (my Joy!) since my happiness was gone. I believe the Lord waited until I put my trust and faith back in Him before he decided to reveal my wife to me. Because He didn’t do it until I was perfectly content with it just being me and Him for the rest of my life.
But with all that being said, you have the right idea…don’t look for happiness in another person, thing, or place. Rebuild your relationship with GOD and receive your joy.
Hey Brea,
I want you to know that you are not alone. I suffer from severe depression because of my diabetes. I was diagnosed 2 1/2 years ago and its been so hard for me. You feel like no one is there for you and that you are all alone. I am the same way when it xcomes to talking to my parents about it. I actually go to therapy with my parents so they can better understand what I am going through. I have all of these horrible, painful symptoms and no doctor can figure out whats going on.
I am here for you if you EVER need anyone to talk to or just vent to. I undersyand what you are going through. I work and go to school. It’s a little overwhelming at times. Especially when I’m trying to control my bg levels and my depressiong. That alone is a full time job!
Well send me a message if you need anything. Stay strong and don’t give up hope!!
Kristen
Hey Brea,
I have always had a fight with depression my entire life. Depression is very seductive and it makes you feel alone, it makes you go into a shell and not share or open up. It makes you not want to live, not necessarily wanting to commit suicide but just not wanting to live. Two different things I know. The thing is life is hard, college is hard and diabetes is hard and none of them are really ever going to change so you have to come with a new game plan. For me I decided one day I was going to try as hard as I could to change my depression. I started going to church more, when I dont have time to go I watch clips on tv and online. I started exercising, I love to watch movies that make me laugh when I feel down, I listen to music that makes me want to dance and I do. I read books that are inspirational, Acts of Faith by Iyanla Vanzant is a daily inspiration book thats good for a quick pick-me-up read. I took a step back and evaluated who I talk to and what about. See one thing I know for sure is its NOT good to keep things inside but it is also NOT good to share your struggles with just anyone. Sometimes people will make you feel worst for feeling the way you do for many different reasons but you have to catch that and know not to share your inner most self with that person. Once a while back I went to see a psychologist and I was a little embarrassed to tell anyone, I knew my family would take it the wrong way so I didnt tell them. I did however share with some friends at work and what I found was I was the sanest one out of the bunch, lol. Some of them had been seeing someone for years and take anti-depressants, I was happy because I felt like I was amongst my people who were crazy like me, lol. At that moment I realized three things:
- Everyone is secretly going through something…everyone
- That there are other people who are way worst off than me so I shouldnt feel so alone
- It only makes things worst keeping it in, even if I have to tell a complete stranger I have to let it out
Brea these are not permanent fixes, you are probably going to find yourself in and out of depression throughout your life, like I said its just how it is sometimes…BUT if you change your thoughts and direct them more towards something positive it will make all the difference. Writing in a journal is also helpful, and if you do not feel like you have anyone to talk to, talk to me…I will be here to listen to your problems. I’ve been where you are…
Thank you & We have therapists here, I will have to check them out… some days are great… .but some I just feel really low…
Thank you Also, if you don’t mind me asking, what did the therapist say to you that really did help you? I’m similar to your feelings before in that I just don’t know if a therapist could help me I feel better today, but some days I just feel really low