So…as of now, I’m not on any kind of insulin for my diabetes. My endocrinologist was happy with my diagnosis A1C of 6.8 and decided to just see what my A1C is in three months.
I’ve been watching (and weighing and recording) everything I eat for almost 4 years now, so adding the component of watching my carbs wasn’t a huge stretch for me.
I only recently got my glucometer (and by recently I mean Tuesday), so I only have 14 blood sugar readings under my belt. I still don’t think I’m ever going to get used to poking myself. :/
Anyway, the point of this post is: I’m only managing my diabetes with diet right now. I threw a baby shower for a co-worker yesterday and treated both her and her boyfriend to dinner.
I knew I wanted pasta for dinner. I planned this all week. I planned for it the entire day. I kept both breakfast and lunch very low carb, so I could eat my pasta and not feel guilty about it.
Before dinner, my blood sugar was 100. I thought, “Yes, bring on the pasta!” I ate the pasta and it was delicious. Then everyone wanted desert. I allow myself one super naughty sweet treat a week and hadn’t indulged yet this week, so, of course, I got the cheesecake.
It was so insanely delicious.
Until I began to feel bad that I allowed myself that indulgence. Because I knew I was going to cause my blood sugar to go high and stay there for a long time. And I don’t have any means of bringing down a high blood sugar besides waiting it out.
I got home from dinner and slowly started feeling like I was walking through sludge. I got a headache, wanted to sleep right then and there and got the feelings of a racing heart (which I’ve noticed only happen when I’m hyperglycemic). I waited almost 4 hours post meal to test my blood sugar and lo-and-behold, it was 241.
And then I started to feel bad about what I ate. I knew that the cheesecake and my pancreas weren’t going to get along, but I did it anyway because I don’t get cheesecake everyday and I should be allowed cheesecake once in a while.
Am I going to feel guilty about every stray in my diet I make? I don’t feel I should, but when I see a blood sugar reading of 241 four hours after eating, I loathe to think about what it was two hours after eating.
And I know high blood sugars aren’t good for your body. I’m a nurse, I’ve seen the end results of poorly controlled diabetes and damned if I’m going to let that happen to me, but what price am I going to pay?
This is the part of this diagnosis that sucks. Prior to all this, I would allow myself the cheesecake and not feel bad about it. Because I knew that if I worked out and watched what I ate every other day of the week, this cheesecake would be negligible in the grande scheme of my diet.
Now, I’ve got to be cognizant that, not only do I have to watch what I eat weight loss wise, but also so I don’t ■■■■ off my dying pancreas and end up swimming in sugar.
Does this ever get easier?