Four months now!

It’s been four months since abby’s bad news. this week has been hard. she went high. we had to adjust her meal ratios and up her lantus.

scared. helpless. frustrated. small. that’s how i feel when she hits highs. i hate her having db. i try not to think about it much. it may not be healthy, but i cope. one meal at a time. one day at a time. i do not research what effect bad diabetes management has on a body. i don’t want to know. i would be even more scared when i see those numbers. i know the numbers i aim for and try my best.

i feel so bad for her. it must be so hard to be six and have this. mostly we just pretend it doesn’t exist between meals. we are attending a support group next week for the first time. not sure what to expect. i am afraid i will cry as soon as i walk in the door. it will be like admitting we really are a part of the diabetes community. that means we deal with diabetes. it will be hard for me. for abby it will be great to see other kids test and get insulin. i don’t want her to see me cry because of diabetes now. we have cried together a few times - i just don’t want to upset her!

oh well, i’m going to bed. i am getting up to check her at 2 am again since we upped her lantus. i don’t want her to go too low. i’m still not sure it is the right amount. she is growing, i think.