Today was my 4th visit to my endocrinologist office since my diagnosis last month, and for the first time since D-Day (1/20/2011), I feel positive about my outlook. The fellow (who still looks like a Katie to me, even though her name is actually Kathy) that I’ve met with the last couple visits was thrilled with my blood sugar readings for the past couple weeks and with how I’ve been doing overall. I found out that my official status remains a bit of an enigma - lab results ostensibly put me firmly in the Type 2 camp, but my response to treatment is that of a Type 1; I asked about the possibility of a 1.5 diagnosis, but apparently my initial readings make that unlikely, too. She said that my charts have been the topic of discussions among several fellows, just because I don’t quite fit neatly into any of the categories. Of all the things to be a unique snowflake about, I could’ve taken something a little less, you know, medical. Perhaps I’ll be Patient X for Diabetes 4.0, or something…
Regardless of my type-quirks, I learned today that I’ll probably never be able to maintain normal levels without insulin, and that actually didn’t freak me out as much as I’d have expected. OK, so I’ll be doing the whole MDI thing - possibly venturing into the realm of pumps at some point in the future. And while I completely expect to have a breakdown about this at some future point, today, I’m kind of ok with it. Because I’m feeling a sense of control that I haven’t really had in this first month. Getting the reassurance from Katie, et al. that I’m doing what I need to do, managing this disease on a level of “non-diabetic” numbers…I can do this. It’s a pain in the ■■■ sometimes, and over the weekend I was utterly heartbroken because I was imagining going the rest of my life without eating another cupcake, but the sun is shining today. I can do this.
And, the best news of all - I got the go ahead to proceed with the IVF plans that were derailed when I got my scary lab results last month. I was hoping and praying that I could get a handle on my blood sugar so that by the beginning of summer we could get back on track with the baby plans, so I was absolutely and utterly shocked that they brought it up today…even sent me on my merry way with a permission slip saying that my diabetes is well-controlled. Now, to schedule a consult and see what the fertility docs do with this information. I know there’s a long road ahead of me, but now, I’m hopeful.
