I feel guilty that I am alive and continue to be a burden to the people I love. They all deserve so much better.
I truly believe the world would be a better place without me.
Diabetes and all the side effects render me a useless waste of space.
unfortunately i have no means to escape.
In his (ghostwritten…) autobiography “Testimony”, Dmitri Shostakovich recounted a journalist asking him “How could you live all those years under communism?” to which he replied “It was better than the alternative”.
I was really into his music for a while and greatly enjoyed spy novels in conjunction with the 4th symphony which he wrote in like 1935 but kept “samizdat” until 1962 when things had thawed enough to haul it out.
I guess he gathered some criticism for having survived but has a bunch of funny stories about the absurdity of the regime. “Khachaturian and I wrote a national anthem for the contest and they said ‘you won, how long will it take you to orchestrate it?’ I could have done it in 5 minutes but I said ‘5 hours’ and they gave the prize to someone else”. I agree diabetes sucks but there are a lot of things that suck more. Which, of course doesn’t make diabetes suck less.
I keeled over a couple of weekends ago (“happy mother’s day” thud) and understand what you mean. My solution seems to be that I am a total distraction whore. Sometimes I think I have ADHD or something like that but if I have something to do, not only does diabetes fade into the background but it makes me want to kick the ■■■■ out of it so it won’t get in the way.
Honey PLEASE remember all those ppl who u love love u too. I know sometimes we feel like a total burden to those we love but then again what would they do without us? HOLD TIGHT !!
Dear Sagwabetes, I learned something 6 years ago when I had stage 3 breast cancer and the debilitating treatments that come with it. It is actually a gift to ask for help, to let other people give to you. I’m so used to being the ‘helper’. I turn on in high gear when there’s a crisis. I’m one of the first to offer rides, bring food, sit and hold someone’s hand. I do these things not only because I think it is right, but because it makes me feel good. The same lesson took me through my husband’s illness and death with dignity and acceptance for us both.
I totally agree with Ken - life is a path, or a journey, and it is the journey itself that matters, not our judgments of ourselves or others.
Please give those who love you the gift of allowing them to support you. Remember that they are adults; if they don’t want to they can choose not to. Breathe 
Sagwabetes, I think we all get to a point sometime in our lives, get to a day that seem to be the worst day of our lives. Then it starts getting better, little by little. Each day will get a little better; life will get better, it really will. Hang on. The people that you love, love you back. Let them help. Remember, one day you will be there to help them when they need it. Take care.
No – and if anyone ever says that to you, THEY are the useless waste of space.
We don’t live on this planet just to take care of ourselves.
Hang in there, you are a gift to the world, BELIEVE it! 
Not true! That is like saying to all of us else who are diabetic that we are a waste of space too! That we have no right to exist. And if you do believe in the creator God, it would be like telling him that he made a mistake in his creation!
I suggest that you go straight to your doctor and ask him for something for depression, since that is what you are clearly suffering. You are not a waste of space to him either - you are his bread and butter! If there were no patients, he would not have a job.
I do know how you are feeling though, and then I have to remind myself that life is worth going on with as there are people out there who might benefit from my existence, my limited knowledge, my kind heart!
Anyone out there who does think they know best about diabetes is delusional. All our experiences are different. It makes us stronger people in the long run!
Hugs Sagwabetes…
We all have our own purpose and mission in this world. Im sure you have so much to live for and wonderful things to offer to others.
I apologize for my words, I am a tough-love person…
Your feeling guilty for having a body malfunction that you did not sign up for??? Dont do that to yourself!!
People you love are suppose to be shoulders to lean on and the hand you grab when you are getting up off the ground. Otherwise what makes them so special to be in your life, of these people really suck get some new ones… Your diabetes may be difficult for them to accept, may even for you to accept but trust when I say if it wasnt diabetes it would be something else…Its life! Everyone has something they are dealing with…Everyone!!!..It may not always be seen on the next person but trust me its there…I seen a lady today on Oprah who was burned alive, her face literally fell off and she has no hands…Talk about something to deal with, it broke me down just seeing her…She wasnt pretending to be happy about life but she gave herself a timeframe for a pitty party each day. She did that, which was better in theory for her, so she wouldnt sit and let the depression take over…You are at a low point, I have been there plenty of times and one thing I know to be true is I cannot trust my own thoughts when I am in that space mentally. Depression wants nothing more than for you to stay there forever, are you going to let it just win? We can sit here and say all the things you already know but unless you want to overcome it, its not really nothing anyone can say to you. You are just going to fight positive and justify your thoughts with irrational statements…
Want to be better…
Want to think better of yourself!!!
And surround yourself with people who know your worth…
Know feeling trapped & the depression that lurks & stalks us. Easy to fall into that bottomless pit & believe there isn’t a way out.
Speaking honestly, the world will continue to turn without any of us. But, you have value & unique contributions to make.
Loving & caring isn’t a burden. You have people who love you & who you love. You’re not alone. Please reach out to them & continue to reach out to us. We’re here for you, sweetie,
More tough love First I don’t normally say people should go talk to a therapist, but I think it would be a good idea.
Unless you are a total “whoa is me” person that is using diabetes as an excuse to be a pain in the butt, there is nothing you should have to be sorry for. We all have our issues that limit other’s happiness. My wife doesn’t like mexican food, so I don’t get to eat it as much as I would like. We all have issues.
Last I checked, most people also have some disgusting illnesses that require themselves to drain disgusting bodily fluids and solids from their body into special recepticles throughout the day, and no one complains much about that. It is what you make of it. Chill
Depression is HARD and we all get it and feel useless at times. Looks like you’ve gotten some good advice here, but if you just want someone to talk to please feel free to come by my page anytime. (just let us know your ok. I’m checking in on you! LOL)
Hello Sagwabetes:
You express yourself very well for a “useless waste of space” was it ???
What diabetes burdens do you “share” which causes you such horrible guilt?
Whether you are diabetic or not, people, friends, family would worry anyway. About your relationships, your friends, your your finances state, your happiness. There are ten thousand things to worry about, and your diabetes is only one of a an endless list.
What things are causing you guilt about your diabetes my “diabetic sister”?
That you cannot guarantee they have ZERO to worry about (eg “superwoman diabetes”; you’re “on top” of everything)?
They witnessed a low/high and relive it terrified of the “next time” (eg the ghosts of diabetes past, future)?
Guilty you are a diabetic and future you cannot predict (eg “crystal ball” diabetes)?
Guilty you think you don’t try hard enough (ie effort equals outcome)?
This list is endless too. Give us all an idea whats going on and perhaps we can all help you figure it out.
Stuart
Hey there -
Why would the world be a better place without you? If your actions make you ashamed you can change them but your diabetes isn’t something that is your fault in any way. Please see a therapist about these feelings. You can feel better and once you do you can make a positive impact on the world.
Hang in there - you’re worth it!
Maurie
Why do you think you are a burden?
Diabetes is a pain in the butt, but it is just something else you have to babysit in life. Just like babysitting your finances. laundry, household chores, brushing your teeth.
While it does take a little effort, it’s really not a big deal, nor the end of the world.
I too get depressed from time to time, but this is a part of the disease.
As long as I have insulin, I can manage my depression fairly well. With insulin, I can enjoy a reasonable lifestyle. Without it, I have to eat, live, and work at the disease to the exclusion of everything else. I did it for 9 months then asked for insulin. Best decision I ever made regarding this disease. I can actually enjoy a sandwich or even a bowl of cereal. I still have to watch the carbs though. Insulin is not a cure all.
Why not learn as much as possible about the disease and help others with your knowledge?
Did you know that a well managed diabetic is one of the healthiest people on the planet?
You can let the disease rule you or you can rule it. I choose to rule it.
Just remember, if you choose insulin, you can very easily pack on the pounds, and at a rapid rate.
For me, I can choose my weight or any other number I wish. If I stop insulin, I can lose weight at a rate of 5 pounds overnight. Been there done that. I had to eat entire cheesecakes a day just to keep my body weight stable.
You only have side effects from diabetes if you do not manage your blood sugars properly.
You will have an easier time doing this if you follow a low or no carb diet. Google Dr Bernstein.
He has been a type 1 for well over 50 years.
Oh, and I am a type 2 diabetic.
You’ve had diabetes for a big part of your life. It is understandable that there are times when it just feels so overwhelming. There is a book called Diabetes Burnout: What to Do When You Can’t, by William H. Polonsky Ph.D. that you might find helpful. Remember, everybody in the world has something - -it may be a disease, like we have, it may be something else. But those that love us, love us with our baggage just as we love them with theirs. It’s not a burden - it is just our “something.” You are not your diabetes – it doesn’t define you. You are much more than that disease. And you do belong in this world.
Zolar, she is a type 1. There is no choice, but insulin. There are no other treatments for type 1. Even with a low or no card diet we still will require insulin which our bodies do not make at all.
We cannot be a burden to the people we love because our love lifts them. We are not a waste of space when our absence will leave a void.
We are sorry that you are suffering so badly. See the support you have here from people who are trying to lift you up. We are not complaining of the weight. You’re not heavy, you’re our sister.