Hello, I have been experiencing disordered eating for about ten years, since the diagnosis of type 1 diabetes.
I was seeing a psychologist focused on type diabetes for about 6 months and she really helped me a lot with perfectionism, doing CBT and exposure type therapy to certain foods I wouldn´t allow myself to eat and then I had a bit of a setback and stopped going to her because I didn´t want to listen to her talking logically and I just wanted to do some disorderd eating.
Luckily, her voice stayed in my head for months and I have been eating much better and healthily these last two months. The biggest hurdle was the stop of all record keeping of blood sugar, exercise and food consumption. I am much more relaxed about everything, but this has always come and go over the years, and I am afraid I am going to fall back into old habits, as recently, those same intrusive thought keep popping into my head-I am not hungry enough, I am not restricting enough, the exercise I am doing is not vigorous enough, and something bad is going to happen. The “what” is unclear. I am not thinking of long-term complications.
I would love to start training for a virtual half-marathon, especially because of all of this covid just canceling everything-being in my home country for holidays, seeing family, getting back to the office (working from home til at least April 2021), Christmas,etc. However, training for sth like a half marathon means I would have to start keeping track of km run and a lot of my food intake before and during runs, as knowing how food affects my blood sugar, especially for long runs.
I really miss running races and having fitness goals. For now, I dont use any fitness apps, I save nothing in my Garmin, I dont know how many km I run, I keep no Excel spreadsheets. Sometimes if I am really stressing, I will work out twice a day and have a minimum time to exercise and feel guilty and horrible if I don´t do the workouts.
Should I wait longer to try doing this? I have been “normal” since mid-August. I go out to eat with friends and I am not exercising like a crazy person. I reread the above and that is how I WAS, not how I am NOW. I just don´t want to be that way again.