Has it been long enough?

Hello, I have been experiencing disordered eating for about ten years, since the diagnosis of type 1 diabetes.

I was seeing a psychologist focused on type diabetes for about 6 months and she really helped me a lot with perfectionism, doing CBT and exposure type therapy to certain foods I wouldn´t allow myself to eat and then I had a bit of a setback and stopped going to her because I didn´t want to listen to her talking logically and I just wanted to do some disorderd eating.

Luckily, her voice stayed in my head for months and I have been eating much better and healthily these last two months. The biggest hurdle was the stop of all record keeping of blood sugar, exercise and food consumption. I am much more relaxed about everything, but this has always come and go over the years, and I am afraid I am going to fall back into old habits, as recently, those same intrusive thought keep popping into my head-I am not hungry enough, I am not restricting enough, the exercise I am doing is not vigorous enough, and something bad is going to happen. The “what” is unclear. I am not thinking of long-term complications.

I would love to start training for a virtual half-marathon, especially because of all of this covid just canceling everything-being in my home country for holidays, seeing family, getting back to the office (working from home til at least April 2021), Christmas,etc. However, training for sth like a half marathon means I would have to start keeping track of km run and a lot of my food intake before and during runs, as knowing how food affects my blood sugar, especially for long runs.

I really miss running races and having fitness goals. For now, I dont use any fitness apps, I save nothing in my Garmin, I dont know how many km I run, I keep no Excel spreadsheets. Sometimes if I am really stressing, I will work out twice a day and have a minimum time to exercise and feel guilty and horrible if I don´t do the workouts.

Should I wait longer to try doing this? I have been “normal” since mid-August. I go out to eat with friends and I am not exercising like a crazy person. I reread the above and that is how I WAS, not how I am NOW. I just don´t want to be that way again.

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I say get out and keep moving. It is the best mental health tonic you can get.
Once you start feeling better you can start checking your sugars and you will probably find it’s not as bad as you thought.
I think a cgm is helpful because it takes care of itself.
Everyone gets rough times where we don’t want to deal, but it’s easy to start new and try again.

Type 1 I think can really exacerbate an eating disorder. It’s not like we can’t pay attention to what we eat because we have to figure out how to dose for it. We can’t just exercise without making some allowances.

I don’t have the answer that it will work if you try it. I’m not sure anyone can? But I think the benefits of exercise in mood, sugar control and health are worth a shot at trying, don’t you?

Sometimes, just try to remember, things don’t have to be perfect. It just doesn’t have to be just so. I have really good control and I snorkel. I had it down pat what numbers to go in at and what to do. Then I decided that if I wore a LIbre out in the water I could stay out without wondering what my sugars were at. Now I am staying out 2-3 hours. But I have to have a higher number going in than I’m happy with to be able to do it. It screws up my TIR etc.

But you know what? It’s worth it. So go for it!