Have you ever been outed?

I just got home from a class I had tonight and in the class was a woman who knew me as a kid. She too has T1 and somehow this woman talked about herself having diabetes and then proceeded to say and Melissa also has it too or something along those lines. Now I am not shy about my diabetes, but for some reason I didn’t appreciate her saying that. Do any of you ever have moments like that?

I understand. I’m not shy about my diabetes, either, but there are also times when I’d rather not go into deep discussion about it.

I agree with both of you, usually I tell people in the first couple days or when there is a meal involved in how I meet people that’s when I tell them. anyone and everyone don’t need to know, but I’ll tell them at some point because usually they either ask why I am taking a shot (when I was on MDI) or when they are wondering what model my MP3 player is. seriously I got asked that the other day when a worker at this clothes store saw my pump.

i think it would bother me a bit, only because i don’t like it when people talk about me. but i guess i would brush it off because 1 it’s not that big of deal 2 you don’t have to talk to anybody about it if you don’t want to.

I think it’s understandable to feel a little violated when someone talks about you as though they speak for you, D-related or no.

I’ve never been outed, but I don’t think I’d like it. It’s my diabetes, it’s my condition, it’s my life. I’ll decide who I tell, and when and why.

The thing that bothers me is not that someone would learn I had diabetes, but that they learned it from someone else and without my permission. It’s kind of like someone blurting out your address or passing around your phone number or email address. It’s not necessarily a secret, but it’s yours and you alone should decide when to give it out.

By the way, did I mention that I have diabetes?


For me it depends on who does the Outting (is that a word…lol) anyway if its one of my brothers or sisters i’m fine with it…i am not always in the mood to explain the whole insulin pump thing but i’m ok…BUT if its my sister in law it pisses me off… it’s the way she does things… she is always telling people i have the real bad diabetes… the kind you die from… Show them your pump girl…then she goes and explains how she thinks the pump works…AAArrgghh ( thks for letting me vent)
Other than that i dont mind talking about my D :slight_smile:

oh really? my great grandma had it and she lost 3 toes. haha thanks terry that made me laugh and yes I agree.

Understand completely Melissa. And it IS a big deal when someone publically offers personal information about you.

The fact is that your health situation is YOUR health situation and yours alone to control. It’s not a matter of shame, it’s a matter of being comfortable with your situation and the people you’re with before you share these details.

I’ve had it happen- I’ve seen the looks on people’s faces (right before dinner when I must dash in the bathroom to take a shot), to have flustered hosts at a dinner party falling all over themselves trying to apologize for not knowing, asking if I can eat what they’ve prepared- it’s really unpleasant for me and makes everyone else uncomfortable and more often than not, spoils a perfectly nice dinner for me and others. I think that’s an issue that we need to educate “those in the know” about- we’re perfectly capable of dealing with it ourselves, thank you.

There are probably better ways to handle it than I do, but of one thing I’m certain- it most certainly IS a big deal when somebody outs you and then you have one more thing to handle that you could probably just do without that day………

you’re kidding me right? wow i’d love to meet your sister in law. if she started to explain that to me i’d be like. I know how it works I have one too and any type of diabetes is one you can die from if you don’t take care of yourself.

Yes Melissa its true there are some really Stupid people out there and shes first in line…
How can a person say you can die from any disease in front of others and not make people feel bad…specially the sick person…ignorant…
We don’t know where our brother found here but he can take her back…lol
Did’nt mean to get your blood boiling but just wanted u to know i understood how u felt when outed…

Yep, I’ve been in this situation & I felt my privacy had been invaded. I test & inject in public. I don’t hide anything, but it’s my business. People wouldn’t be announcing other people’s medical conditions, so why ours? Terribly bad manners to be disclosing personal info.

I can totally relate Melissa… I do understand your feelings. Personally I am neither ashamed, shy nor reserved about my diabetes. But I would rather share the information myself in conditions that calls for it necessary. (eg, dining out with friends, checking bg with company, etc) Id rather I give the information myself =)

It’s not an issue of being embarrassed. Not for me anyway. It’s an issue of having your privacy invaded and having someone else take control of something that’s personal to you. If I want to stand on a rooftop and tell the world, I’ll do it myself. But no one has the right to do it for me. As Mark says above, it can lead to awkward situations, not for the diabetic, but to the people who had the information dumped on them for no apparent reason and now feel some need to respond or, if they’re a host, feel like they’ve suddenly been put on the spot.

In any case, it’s just bad manners to reveal personal information about another person without their permission. It just is.


Different people may have different attitudes towards their diabetes and how open they are about it. But make no mistake, the information that you are a diabetic is private health information. You have a “right” to decide whether it gets disclosed. You would be absolutely livid if your doctor innappropriately told your employer you have diabetes. Although disclosure like this is protected by law, private disclosure is not, but it sure follows the same principle. You certainly would not casually mention that someone you knew had an STD and AIDS, and it is insensitive to display your private health information whether it be your diabetes or your ingrown toenail.

Personally, I live my life out. But I defend your right to maintain your health information as private.

I agree.

I understand where you’re coming from. Almost every person in the small town i live in knows that I have diabetes, but i would still be a little upset if someone just went and told someone anything about me. For me it has nothing to do with my diabetes but just that someone was talking about me. It may be because in Flin Flon everyone talks and facts get screwed up. It bothers me when people are like “Billy has the bad kind of diabetes because he has to take so many needles.” People dont generally see me take my needles so how would they know? Anywho on the other side of things… Dont sweat the small stuff… and it’s all small stuff.

I think it has to do with the fact that it wasn’t you who talked about it. There is a certain vulnerability to it. It is “your story” and you should be the one who decides who to share it with.

Perhaps, but it is all relative. Both can clearly be embarrasing. You may not care about people knowing you have D or judging you based on having D. But on the other hand I know people with D who clearly want it kept private and would consider such a disclosure just as embarrasing.

She could have said “I am blonde, and I have to stay out of the sun, you know, like Melissa, she is blonde too.” It is a part of who and what you are, and can be used to educate others. If you don’t want people to know you are blonde, you can wear a hat. She shares an experience, an important one, with you and may have been looking to show that many people share this and, look, aren’t we so normal?