Having an I hate diabetes and me day

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1

My CGM sensors have not been working for a week now. I think I got a bad box, because after talking with Minimed, they seem to think my transmitter is still working okay. They’re sending replacement sensors that should be here in a couple days.

Couple that with the fact that I’m pretty sure my period is starting soon, and you have my blood sugar being completely and utterly disgusting.

I don’t know how to be a diabetic without the CGM anymore. I have used it constantly for over a year and am completely dependent on it. I can feel my lows, but more often than not I don’t notice I’m high until over 200… and by this time I need about a million units of insulin to bring me back down.

Which pisses me off because I can’t think of taking a bunch of extra insulin without feeling like I’m just injecting myself with a bunch of fat.

For the past three mornings I’ve woken up at 175. Which is STUPID, and I’m pretty sure can be blamed on my oncoming period. I don’t know why else it would be like this when nothing else has changed … except me not being able to rely on my CGM.

To make matters worse I have my endo appointment tomorrow afternoon. I should have canceled it, because I feel horrible about my BGs lately and about my weight. I feel like I’m incapable of losing more weight.

Over the last year and change I lost somewhere over 50lbs (most of it before this summer). Though I feel like I’ve gained 10 of them back in the last few weeks, because for me not being perfect in every way means gaining weight.

I hate it. I exercise 5 days a week. Not little bitty exercise either. And I eat better than a lot of people I know. I’m not perfect. I eat out socially with co-workers, family and friends on occasion. Try and not be too bad at restaurants. But it’s very far from perfect.

I’m hypothroid and take synthroid. Just had my levels checked in the fall and they were fine.

So why am I still destined to be the same god-awful weight forever? And I’m not talking about goofy little girl crap about obsessing over a number. I genuinely need to lose about 40-50 more pounds. I’m not even trying to be skinny. I do enjoy food, therefore I do not think this is reasonable.

But when I started out trying to lose weight, I truly thought I would be able just exercise and watch my eating moderately and be able to lose weight to a size I’m happy with (all I’m asking for is a size 10/12…maybe an 8; I’m size 16 now). I didn’t think I would have to be perfect with eating and be constantly tortured by it, just to end up a size 40 pounds heavier than I hated myself for in high school.

I look at everyone else around me and they eat so much worse and don’t exercise hardly at all and are perfectly sized.

I don’t understand this. I blame diabetes and think I take too much insulin. I blame my thyroid and my body being a flaming idiot in general.

I don’t want to go into my endo appointment tomorrow the same or perhaps 2lbs lighter than October and hear them tell me I’m doing good. At the way I’ve been killing myself, 2lbs is crap.

I don’t want to get my A1c back at 6 something and hear “that’s great!” It’s not great, I’ve been over 200, probably 250 at least once a day for the past I don’t know how long, with ridiculous lows (bolus-rage!) to match… and my daily total use of insulin is currently 10units higher than normal.

If I were at my appointment right now and they said either one of these things to me, I know I would embarrass myself and burst out crying in the damn nursing station.

I hate my period and what it does to me a whole 1/4 of the damn month. One fourth! That’s absurdity right there. The second it starts though, I will be fine and look back at this post thinking “what an idiot!” Until next month, anyway…

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Jaclyn
Please don’t get so down on yourself. I,m thinking the thyroid is probably still the issue. I am a mother to a 12 year old type 1 diabetic son. We have no family history of diabetes but my husband does have graves disease which is an autoimmune disease of the thyroid. He started making so much thyroid hormone that he was losing weight and literally shaking all the time. He had radiation treatment to kill of the thyroid and ever since has been on ever increasing doses of synthroid. He gained tons of weight and feels tired all the time. We’ve learned a lot and find that he only feels more like himself if he is tests on the highest end of thyroid levels. He also learned to take his synthroid at exactly the same time daily and not to take it with vitamins or other supplements. He works with a guy whose doctor won’t prescribe the generic because he doesn’t think it works as well. Just a few things to think about. Hope this helps

3

Thanks, Michele, that is interesting and I’ll have to talk to my doctor about my thyroid more tomorrow. He has told me the same thing about the generic version. I take it at the same time every week day morning, but weekends I am way off that schedule. I’ll have to try setting that straight as well.

4

My daughter has hypothyroidism and even when her level is supposedly o.k. they told her that medicine just doesn’t work as well as the thyroid gland. So even though she doesn’t eat a lot she is prone to gaining weight. You have the double whammy of the low thyroid and diabetes. So I give you permission to have an I hate diabetes day.

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Sorry for the frustration! I’m hypothyroid also (Hashimoto’s). In some ways, I think treating our thyroid problem is just as tricky as diabetes since getting levels correct is dependent on the type of tests used & the lab. I’ve read that tests are often highly inaccurate. Some thyroid experts believe that the thresholds for normal are too low. This adds to the problem of dosing.

My mother is hypothyroid. She never did well until her endo switched her from Synthroid to Armour, the natural form. Not many endos like Armour, but it has helped many people.

I eat low carb to avoid high insulin doses. I lost too much weight on low carb & have to eat more protein to maintain weight.

6

Thanks, guys. Very helpful info about thyroid medication. I didn’t realize others experienced so many problems with it…it’s one of those things that seems like it should be so simple, yet isn’t.

I will say that it seemed really odd to me that my dose of Synthroid has not needed change one bit since losing 50lbs. So perhaps it truly isn’t working as well as it should. I expected him to lower my dose after my tests in October, yet he just said my levels were “normal”. Sadly, I don’t really know what that means… need to educate myself better about that.

I’ve never really had the symptom of being tired all the time from my thyroid being low. So other than weight and paranoia about my hair, I have a hard time judging if the medication is working well or not.

7

Jaclyn, have you tried low carbing? eating greater amounts of protein and healthy fats will compensate for the balance of your blood sugars and the amount of insulin you are taking in. I’ve been low-carbing for over a year now and my numbers have improved significantly and my weight is stable; It is not for everyone, but it is worth a try.

8

Yeah, I have tried low-carbing…to a point. It just makes me too miserable and I’m just not that disciplined in regards to eating. I think that’s part of my frustration actually, is that I want to be able to be a healthier size without having to be so strict. I eat ~150 carbs a day currently (which feels like way lower than “normal” people!). I do 100 to 150 if I’m being really good… but under 100…ick, I’d almost say I’d rather stay my size 16. I know I couldn’t keep that up, and would likely fall of the wagon completely.

Though of course when I was good at doing 100-150 carbs/day last spring was when I lost the most weight. LOL.

So I know that is a big part of my problem. I just have a severe case of the "I don’t wanna"s! :smiley:

Let’s just say this. In my version of heaven, I’d be sitting around eating nothing but carbs all day.

9

My version of heaven would be limitless carbs also. Though I admit that since eating low carb I really don’t miss it. I was hungrier doing higher carb. The more I ate, the more I wanted. Carbs digest too quickly. Protein & good fats make me feel satisfied. I’ve never been disciplined before.

10

about synthroid…i take mine at night…when my sugar is safe enough not to eat a snack…basically, on an empty stomach…i found that when i take it in the morning, it would make me sleepy…when i take it at night, i sleep like a baby…and i know that it is absorbed correctly without worries of it binding to vitamins or calcium…with the generics…i could tell a huge difference (although i like the price of them better!)…my dr. said that generic meds are nothing but “crap”, literally

myriah