Help...downward spiral

Never blogged before…but this seems like a good place to start…

I have been battling with my diabetes since I was diagnosed a little over 5 years ago. I suspect that I was a diabetic long before I was diagnosed. I was very active before we moved to Minnesota worked out at least 3 times a week. My weight was around 230 or so. I looked pretty good. Then I started to feel bad…really bad…seemed like I could never get enough sleep…I was obsesive with keeping a diet coke near at all times…Urinated ALOT…

You would think that since I was a paramedic in a past carrer and that my wife is and was at that time a RN we would have picked up on the symptoms. Its a funny thing about being too close to something. Sometimes you cannot see it even after it hits you in the face. After I started loosing weight I went to the clinic and saw the Doc. He had me pee in a cup took some blood and sent me home. He said that he would call me if it was important.

I cannot remembet if it was that night or the first thing the next morning, but I got a call from a nurse telling me that my blood sugar was very high and that I had to come in right away. I got there and the nurse checked me into the little exam room and told me that the Doc would be right in. As I was waiting I realized that I had exhibited all of the symptoms that they tell you about and I had missed them…WOW. I felt stupid…well mostly i felt dizzy and weak but a little stupid too.

I cannot remember the Doc’s name and that is probably a good thing because he was an incompetent boob. My blood sugar was over 500 and he sent me home and told me to watch my diet and I should be fine. It wasnt until the next day when I saw the diabetic educator that I realized how sick i was. She welcomed me in and sat me down and looked over my chart. She turned the pages, started over, looked at me, verified my name, looked at the papers again, then asked me where my perscriptions were. I told her that the Dr. sent me home with nothing and told me to watch my diet and I should be fine. She litterally gaped at me…mouth hanging open. She was dumbfounded. She told me to wait there and she left and i presume she made a few very animated phonecalls and came back with a perscription for metformin. She told me she could not believe that any Dr. would have sent me home without something…she probably would have prefered that I start insulin that very day if it was up to her…

It took all of 2 months and I was on insulin. Lantus and mealtime injections…wow…way to confront my fear of needles. To say that I had a fear of needles was an understatement. I nearly did not go to paramedic school because I heard a rumor that we had to start IV’s on eachother. I had nightmares every night before I started school. Not the little ones…the big ones that leave you sweating in your sheets. Flash forward to my very first injection. It took me over 30 minutes to talk myself into it. I had the needle and syringe all ready my hands were shaking and I was sweating…I swabbed the area with alcohol (like 20 times) then I stabbed the needle into my belly just to the right of my belly button. I was so startled that I did not feel the needle i pulled it back out again in disbelief…then I realized that I had to do it again…this time I had to push the plunger down…long story short…i managed it…barely. I dont hesitate anymore…but it still makes the hair on my neck stand up. I would have been a really really bad heroine addict.

After several years i have gained about 40 lbs which is devastating to me. I feel like Insulin is a huge joke being played on me. I have to take a drug to stay alive but it makes me gain weight and kills my self esteem

Which leads me to my current predicament.

I cant seem to get my insulin to carb ratio’s right or my bolus’s…my BG has been in the 200’s and even in the mid 300’s alot lately and I cant seem to break the cycle. I need help. I am afraid to see my doc…I feel that I need to start over…is that possible? start from scratch…do all the formulas again…recalculate everything…god I feel like such a failure…


We all have to start over every once in awhile. I had to do it again two weeks ago. The stress of school threw my levels for a loop, so I started over. I fasted and check my levels and adjusted my basal to keep my sugars in line. I experimented with different I:C ratios until I figured it out. I was eating pretty much whole grain bread for a couple days, but I got it figured out. It wasn’t fun, but it was worth it. I think seeing the doc and the DBE would be a good thing. Explain how you are feeling and they can help. If they don’t know how you feel or what is going on, they can only go off your meter readings. Good luck!

WAY TO GO DAN!!! Thanks for the honest post. First of all people start over every day regardless of thier goals (old and or new) and you had the courage to write about it. You realize of course that there are many people who are in the same boat and for whatever reason(s), cannot bring themselves to write about it as you have done.

In terms of your doctor never be afraid to get help from anyone. This is ALWAYS a sing of strength, not weakness buffered by fear, which is very natural. Please do WHATEVER you have to to get your sugars reasonable, and deal with the weight issues later. You will of course find that the two are certainly linked together and a reduction in food will translate into lower sugars, less insulin and of course less weight.

HOWEVER make the sugar control the first priority and thanks so very much because you have VERY likely helped someone else. Diabetes loves silence, ignorance and fear. I guess it picked the wrong person AGAIN (ha ha). I hope this helps and KEEP FIGHTING/KEEP WRITING!!!

Love Always
Anonymous Diabetic.
PS The moment we try, we are released from failure. Don’t ever feel low because you couldn’t stop a hurricane, find shelter anywhere you can and by the way, you picked a great spot!

Now I don’t feel so dumb for doing pretty much the same thing. I had no clue. I dropped to 140 lb from 180 in a matter of months. Once I started with insulin I was back to 170 in about 4 weeks. That’s when I decided to go low carb. The CDE and my Dr. had me eating more carbs than I ever had in order to use the insulin the way they had directed. I have been fat before. I had been at 180 for over 5 years and did not want to buy fat clothes again. Since I did that I have gradually reached 180 again and have stayed there so far. I use less insulin and my bg is pretty even. Most recent A1c is 5.4 and I think I have been at 200 only 1 time. Haven’t been at it long enough to see too many issues like you are having, but that’s my story.