My diabetes is a mess as am I a lot of the time because of it… but at least occasionally in the midst of being out of control I can choke back the fear that this chronic condition is going to get the better of me and I can poke some fun back at it. Maybe this is no laughing matter but I am past crying over my A1c levels and off chart liver enzyme tests…
I have a Bayer Contour meter right now (it seems like the preferred meter company gets juggled a lot with my substandard insurance) and when a glucose level is anything above 600 you are so screwed already that it just assumes not tell you exactly how far beyond the 600 mark you have gotten. What it does instead is put “HI” up on the digital display.
Exasperated once again by my yo-yo style of glucose management and pondering how much my internal organs hated me for going from a 45 to this flashing “HI” in just a matter of a few hours I stand alone in my office while my co-workers are on a smoke break… “HI” I say to it (yes I am speaking to the meter) “HI!!! IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?” I raise my hand with a mocking wave leaving only one finger up rather than the customary 5 of greetings and farewells. “Well then “HI” to you too and screw you” you little purple abomination!"
I accept the moment as it is, I am struggling and I am not sure how to make that better but now I am laughing at myself. So I grab the bottle of lyspro and a syringe that is always in my desk drawer and keep trying to do this right. I may not be getting better for whatever reason my body just seems to be fighting itself to the death, but somehow even this frustration that drives me to speak at inanimate objects (insulting them none the less) is far better than surrender.
I’m sorry that you are struggling and frustrated with Diabetes. It can be Hell sometimes when different situations erupt, for sure.
I remember many years ago when I used to see that undesirable word on my meter too much for my liking. Did your Endo tell you how much Humalog to use when you hit those HI’s? It all depends on how many carbs or calories you have consumed, your body weight plus being aware if something else may be causing the rise like fever, stress, other medications, Insulin Resistance, deteriorated Insulin, etc.
I cannot speak for you of course since I am not your Endo plus I do not know your situation. I weigh 124 lbs., am 5’ 2", a Type 1 and am not Insulin Resistant. When I first started on Humalog many years ago, my Endo told me to take 5 units of Humalog, if my sugar hit 25mmol/L(450mg/dL) and 6 units, if I ever saw the word HI on my meter. Then I was to test more frequently to observe the results and to make sure my sugar level was in the desired zone, by a simple correction, if needed. I was pleasantly surprised to see how Well his suggestion worked.
Yelling at your meter is okay. At least it helps to get some of the anger out of a Person and doesn’t hurt anyone else. Please don’t give up the fight. I do hope that you can get your sugars in a more controlled area, with both your Endo’s and CDE’s help. Great Luck!! Have a Better day tomorrow.
I looked up about Lyspro (I’m learning new things about D all the time - even after over 40 years) - it’s like an ultrafast insulin ( lowers blood sugar one hour after it is injected, last usually over 3 hours). Also, it’s should be taken either at meal time or no more than 5-15 minutes before a meal. Hopefully you know how much insulin to take to cover your carbs. This is something I had to relearn when I started pumping. When I was MDI (multiple doseage injecting) I didn’t really put much thought into how much insulin to take for my slice of pizza, just sort of winged it, not good, as it could either send me low or high. I got out John Walsh’s book on Pumping Insulin, even tho’ I didn’t have a pump at the time, and educated myself on how to use my injections (6-8 times a day) to their full advantage. Consulted with my endo as to what I was doing, he was abit puzzled by it, especially when I did a correction with fast acting insulin in his office when he did a BG test, but as he now realises, I know more about my diabetes then he does.
Just curious. Do you use a slower insulin - e.g. basal like Lantus or Levemir? I used to take an a.m. / p.m. shot along with my fast acting insulin for meals / BG corrections.
Sorry for all the questions - but just trying to get a handle on perhaps what is causing you to have to do the middle finger thing at you BG meter (doesn’t it make you want to chuck it against the wall - come close to that a few times over the years - but it’s our lifeline to what the heck is going on in our bodies).
Great blog title and fabulous writing. I enjoyed your post and empathize with your frustration!
Keep reading, sharing, and posting here at tudiabetes. It’s amazing how much help long-distance suggestions from people who live with diabetes every day can help a person start chipping away at all the variables of diabetes self care. It’s not easy. But you’re worth it.
Lots of us on this site are reformed diabetics who after much trial-and-error have been able to achieve better control without becoming martyrs to our lack of beta cells.
Here are 5 changes that I think have helped me gain control (which is a journey, not a destination):
Going on insulin pump (but had to learn to bolus 20 minutes before eating and to relentlessly check and recheck basal and bolus rates).
Trying to get 30 minutes of cardio exercise every day (it’s tough to work out how to manage blood sugar and insulin doses with exercise, but the long-term benefits are worth it). Often this change is a desire more than a done-deal, but I’m working on it!!
Testing more, logging the numbers, and searching for reasons/patterns. Testing 2 hours after eating has helped me finetune my insulin:carb ratios, bolus timing, etc., as well as treat highs (and avoid overtreating lows). Still, diabetes affects each person differently, so YMMV (your mileage may vary).
Finding more people who “get” my life. I am eternally grateful to my fellow PWDs for shoring me up, lending me their smarts, and poking fun at the oft-ridiculous attention required by diabetes.
Noting my efforts and celebrating my successes–as well as those of others. Positive reinforcement works.
