i am not allowed to attend any sort of parties, hangouts, get together's and so on without my parents keeping an eye on my actions.. it requires a lot of effort convincing my parents as it requires involvement of my relatives, friends, brothers and sisters... its quite depressing.. i just cannot make commitments to my friends that i will surely come for the party... my parents believe that i will not be able to control my tongue once i see any sugar product in front of me....what should i do to handle this situation??? instead of crying alone that is showing off that i am brave enough to handle this and crying in a closed room without letting others to know about it that i usually do... :-/
This is a difficult problem. Parents are over-protective of their children. It is something that nature gives them. Problem is, they sometimes don't know when to quit. Reasoning with them is often difficult. It gives you more bargaining power if you control your own actions when you are around them. Do you maintain your own testing schedule? Are you able to avoid the actions that your parents are so afraid that you will do when you are around them? Do you have good control in general?
No doubt you are able to maintain your own testing schedule and bolusus/injections. I hope you carry your own supplies, such as your meter, insulin, syringes, glucose tabs, etc., and know when to use it. I think if you can justify your requests by your actions and personal management, rather than want alone, you will be more successful. Fact of the matter is, your parents will have to let you go sometime. If you can prove to them now that you are able to manage diabetes on your own, both they and you will be more comfortable about it. You can do this!
Good luck! Let us know how it goes.
Brian Wittman
I'd tell them that you need space and need to be able to take care of yourself. Ideally, you can unload a bunch of numbers on them to prove that you can take care of yourself? My parents were very cool about letting me run my own show, although I'm sure it was hair-raising for them when I've keeled over, etc. (eerily, the last two times were both at family functions...). How much of your arrangements and control do your parents play a role in or whatever? I don't get a huge amount of engagement with what I'm doing, other than the "are you ok?" questions all the time.
I agree my parents let me pretty much run the show as well. Not that they weren't concerned BUT they knew this was something I'd have to live with for the rest of my life, AND I'd have to be the one ultimately making the decisions regarding my health. I think actions speak louder than words sometimes. If you do things that give your parents reasons to doubt you can handle situations without them around, then getting that freedom can be harder, if you already are managing your disease such as maintaining your own testing, basal/bolus injections, making good food choices etc than use that as evidence you are responsible...and you know what we have ALL cheated, ate more of something that we should have, corrected highs. I mean I dont recommend doing this on a daily basis, but for me personally when birthday time rolls around and I want a piece of birthday cake, Im going to have it, and deal with the rest as it comes.
AR I get the same questions too a lot...the are you ok, or how have you been feeling. I personally love it.
How old are you? If you're over the age of about 15 or so, your parents have to start letting you have your freedom. Your diabetes is, at the end of the day, yours and yours alone. Once you're an adult and on your own, you will be responsible for testing, administering insulin, and eating what is best for you. If you're old enough to find a forum like this and ask such a question, chances are you're old enough to do the things that you need to do to manage your diabetes.
To convince your parents such, you have to tell them just that. You need to tell them that one day this is all going to be your responsibility and that you have to learn now how to survive with it, because they won't always be around to protect you.
Do whatever you can to show them that you're mature and responsible. But also educate them that managing T1D isn't a science. You can do EVERYTHING right and still have bad numbers sometimes. That's just what it's like living with T1D. Sometimes it has nothing to do with what you ate, but rather hormones, insulin potency, or some other thing that's out of your control.
Do you feel your parents understand T1D enough to understand that it isn't all about food?
We all live in different places with different cultures and different pressures. A lot depends on your daily efforts, your daily food and testing record, not to mention your grades and maturity for your age. There is preparation you can do.
Making a contract with parents can help: each of you starts with what the absolutely necessary defining points of a good evening out consists of, and each of you comes closer to an agreement on what each of you is willing to do to help it come about.
Protective parents become more willing to give longer leashes when they see a person who maturely handles their food record, matches their insulin to their carb grams and gets good results, and refrains from giving them stresses. It may be that the social situation in the area gives them high stress for your age group.
Convincing parents is made easier by choosing a party at which you know you will be able to control impulses, making a plan for what and how you will eat by talking to the parental host first - with the idea that your parent then will be assured that you have knowledge of what you're going to do and can make insulin doses for what you are going to eat.
Sound reasonable?
Don't expect parents to ever accept that a daughter is going to go out drinking. It'll never happen, nowhere, nohow.
i am extra well mannered when it comes to adopting bad habits.... i hate drinks as well as drinkers.... they opposes even if it is a normal hangouts with my school friends and they are much much better than my college friends as they know me from the time i got diabetes at the age of 10..... and they order for food accordingly.... but then also they all need to call one by one to my mom to give my assurance which goes all in vain....
hope my parents understand this concept soon that it is not always my fault when my meter shows high BG which it usually do not.... and most important one it is not my fault when i get sick even being at home ...
but mine is a little different it starts and ends with a big NO!!
my each and every action is being analysed by my parents even if my meter shows a controlled BG level..... hope there were counselling sessions for my parents....
yes i have a good control over my blood glucose level, i maintain my own testing schedule and the dosage information and i behave like a strong girl whenever i attend family functions ... and do not even allow my relatives(having type 2) to tempt me towards sugary product... but still..........
its not my fault if i get ill rather than eating household hygienic stuff, i never invited type 1 diabetes to ruin my lifestyle but at the end of the day i am the one who is cursed.....
Let me speak as a parent of a Type 1 & a Type 1 child myself (not no more am I a child though) It's hard for us to let go. My parents done the samething to me when I was 1 or 12 (I was diagnosed at 10 my daughter was diagnosed at 11) They are just wanting to belive they know what u wil or won't do. Show them that u can do it and maybe they will lossen up on u. It hurts a parent that their child has d and they really just don't know what to do. I finally learned that my daughter could do this herself and I needed to back off so did my parents after abit. I found that my problem was I just didn't want to let go and my parents didn't either.
Have you considered what you will do when college time sets in? More importantly, have your parents considered what they will do when college time sets in. You certainly don't want your mom calling you every 15 minutes when you are away at college. I think sitting your parents down and having a frank conversation about diabetes and your management of it is appropriate at this time.
You need some room to breathe. Are you allowed any activities related to school of church? you may have to start stepping out a little bit, to prove to them you are: first, a responsible person, able to let go a little bit, and still get home safely on time, and second, able to manage your diabetes in a setting that is appropriate and pleasing to you, but maybe not to your parents.
I hate to advise anyone to disrespect their parents, but they have to learn to trust you. No doubt your parents have taught you well, and you will, in the end, be just fine.
Good luck. You need it.
Be well.
Brian Wittman
There is a compulsion in some human beings to micro manage anyone they have the slightest bit of authority over. I just avoid it as much as possible. Running away is perfectly acceptable to me. I did leave home at the earliest opportunity, at 17, and even looking back, it was a good move.
You'll get enough people who only 'know' one thing about diabetes, telling you what you should and shouldn't eat. It's unfortunate that you have a family situation like that on top of it.
good luck with it all, and best wishes
thanx..:)
My, my, my...
I highly recommend you talk to your doctor about this privately. She will have more influence at this point in their decision making, if she is willing to help. You might want to share this thread with them. I will speak to my experiences (50 years of Type 1):
When I became diabetic there were no pumps--you could not even test your blood sugar. Until pens came along, I had to be home to take insulin as we used a glass syringe with a metal needle. This just adds background about my parents situation.
I had a very wise mother. I was also an only child and Mom know I needed to socialize to be normal in some way. She encouraged my partiicpation in activites--I did a lot of theatre which involved late nights, a trip for soda after a rehearsal, etc. Remember, you could not even get a diet soda in a restuarant at that time, so it was really tough for me. I moved away from home to go to college. Yea, I made mistakes. Yea, there were some scary moments--lows she had to rescue me from (they always called her--never helped me treat,) a couple of hospital stays (they slammed you in if your glucose was too high, as you could only test in a lab.)
However, I am now 60, have a wonderful husband and a great son, as well as two beautiful grandchildren and just retired after a long career. I went to college, worked overseas (before being married, so I lived alone) travel extensively now with my husband. I could go on....
Oh, and my only complication is some very controlled retinopathy.
The point of that is not a brag, but a real life illustration of how a type 1 can have a really regular life. But that type 1 must have the skills to handle it all. The only way you learn to fly is to have wings. Your parents owe you that.
how old are you first and foremost?
I agree that you need to be allowed to go out and have a normal life but as a mother of a 20 year old with T1 diabetes who does not take care of herself it is sometimes very hard to let go. Show them you can handle everything yourself and prove it to them with good A1C's and meter readings. We were just in the hospital for the 4th time in 2 years and my daughter's A1C was 12. It hasn't gotten below 10 in a very long time. She was diagnosed at 17 and I understand that is a hard time in all teens lives but having d doesn't make it any easier. Just talk to them and your doctors and prove you can handle this yourself. Every time I back off and give her space for a few months, we end up back at the er.
Tell them that sugar has nothing to do with it, it s about carps..food etc..if one forbids ...one makes it more interresting....good luck
oh my, this one really got to me! as a parent of a 14 year old son with type 1, diag at 10 like you, i can relate to your parents in that i tend to micromanage my sons care, do all i can to keep him in control, and worry about his decisions and safety. however, your parents are going about things the WRONG way! do you have siblings, are they allowed to go out with friends? perhaps they are very controlling and use your D to control you further. In anycase they are allowing fear to control them and making their daughter more of a victim of her situation than need me. you have quite a few years of D under your belt and it sounds like you are knowledgeable and responsible and should be given a change to manage your disease, your body, make your decisions. as a parent of a child with type 1 it is hard to let go but it is essential to your well being. perhaps you could calmly speak to them asking how they would feel in your shoes, or casually as if they trust you, are you responsible? as a lead in start up to a conversation about how it feels to be not trusted and not made to feel responsible. it is hard enough having D, but not being allowed to grow into your own self management must be soooo hard. please share some of these replies with your parents if you feel it may help you need to safely be allowed to make your own mistakes, your own decisions. they should make you feel proud for being responsible and handling your D well, how can they do this if they do not give you the chance. i do hope they work on their parenting and acknowledge you are their competent, beautiful daughter that needs to be supported through your D not driven down further!!! best of luck, amy