Hey, first of all props to the OG poster for saying out something which has been on my mind for a long time. I have always wondered how my dating life would be had i been able in the matter of physical abilities and not being a diabetic. I also feel like a lot of my romantic possibilities have died an early death either due to the fact that my partner could not handle the truth or because i wasn’t ready to disclose it to them. Hasn’t been easy at all
i know this sounds a little tough, but here goes. If they do not like diabetes, they will not like you. Better to rip the bandage off and get it over with. I have been married for 42 years so I ma little out of practice, but when I was in the market, I said it almost at the second or third thing statement out of my mouth. No sense is messing with it, plenty of people to date, no use in wasting time.
By the way, my wife asked me out, I told and tell everyone I know I have diabetes, get it over with.
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My wife told me she was diabetic but kind of let out the part where the gates of hell opened and she became combative when low.
Luckily when she is low now she is lucid and not combative
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hehehehehe, Tony24. She’s a hellcat. I wish there was a good music video for that.
Now if we only got some of the other Steve Austin parts so we could run faster or have super eyesight or hearing…
You might try… Hellcat by Desmeon
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Oooh, that’s a good one. I’m putting it on my skiing playlist.
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I’m so sorry that you had to experience this less than ideal reaction.
When I met my wife eight years ago, I didn’t tell her initially. I wanted to see if we were going to have a second date, and also assess if I thought we had a good match. IOW, why invest time explaining all things D if we aren’t really going to amount to anything resembling a couple.
I told her during our second date. While she hadn’t dated a PWD before, she was willing to continue dating me.
Many months later, she told me that what convinced her is that it didn’t seem like a big deal to me, coupled with the fact that we seemed to be attracted to each other, with a lot in common, etc.
Five years ago, we married. She’s very empathetic, but isn’t very connected to what I do to manage this chronic condition, in part because I don’t want her to be.
Her biggest concern is what happens when/if I lose the cognitive ability to run my gear. For that, I’m hoping that we will have a closed loop solution or five to choose from.
I would advise that every dating situation is unique, so you have to play it as you best see it at the time. However, everyone has something that makes them less than perfect, so your date may have challenges too. Be open and accepting. Expect your date to be open and accepting too.
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I just watched this video about dating with type 1 on Youtube and it was great.
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Great video!
My dates have usually been coupled together with something edible or drinkable, so I haven’t been able to hide it for more than a few hours. I was once rejected outright because they had had a partner with diabetes who had multiple severe hypos while sleeping, and didn’t want to go through that again. It wasn’t sufficient for them to know that I’ve never had a hypo that severe before. But whatever, it wasn’t serious anyway. Plenty of fish, and all that…
Other than that, initially, it’s usually been that they’ve been worried about hurting me by touching the infusion site or CGM. I tell them not to worry about it.
One short-term relationship I had, was with a very hypervigilant person who would, on occasion, start shoving juice at me when we were arguing because “you’re low!” I noped out of that one quickly.
I’ve been with my current partner since 2016 and it’s been great. We don’t live together due to work and other impracticalities, but when we are together he eats like I do most of the time and is generally supportive, even though he doesn’t live like a diabetic when he’s alone.
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Legit have this same fear. My partner helps me insert arm sensors and I still feel “flawed.”
So, my GF obv knows and such, but telling her and the dread leading up to it gave me anxiety. Before the days of pumps and cgms, it was easier, I would go into the bathroom and inject or test or whatever. These days, I wear a pump and a cgm so it is noticeable as soon as ‘the shirt comes off.’
FOR ME… this is not the firs tthing I want people to know about me when I meet them, I have always had that same like shyness and tend to keep these things to myself. I admire all of you who are so open about it.
ANYWAY. The most recent time, I told them on maybe the second date and it was awkward, but her response was “Why would you think that is a dealbreaker?” and honestly I absolutely adore her for that.
Also most people don’t know anything really about this stuff. It isn’t personal.
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CB11 thank for bringing this topic up. My T1 was diagnosed at age 62, and I suppose by that age one doesn’t really feel the need to be quiet about it. And, indeed, I never have…haha. I do best if my meals are taken at about the same time every day, and so I like to joke about my “feeding schedule.” With that said, I still get a bit anxious when invited out for a meal that is outside that schedule, and then I get a bit shy about expressing my needs and focus more on the companionship than the food management aspect.
Focusing on the companionship is perfect, thank you for saying so.
Any time I’m eating out or at friends, there’s some anxiety, because I can only make guesses at the carb content, when we will actually eat, etc. So I just try and accept that I’m going to run low, or high, or low then high later, or high then low later. sigh
But, when I think back, I always enjoy that I spent time with friends/family.
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I don’t know if it’s a cliche thing to mention, but you might consider online dating, too. I’m an incredibly, shy introverted person. I’m not good with first impressions because I find it difficult to talk about myself (and my diabetes) in those early face to face meetings. I’m not introverted online at all, though! I always found chatting online the easiest way to get past the initial awkwardness. If you speak with someone often and open enough, you just won’t be able to hide something that’s so integral to your daily life. You can quickly weed out those who don’t respond/behave as you’re comfortable with.
I met my husband online 11 years ago. He is incredibly over-protective of me, which might ■■■■ off a lot of people, but I just adore it. It’s one of the many ways he shows me how important I am to him. He’s also a pilot, so travels two weeks out of every month. I use xdrip with an nightscout site so he can follow my well-being and cgm data even from afar. We affectionately call it “stalking”. Even before the cgm, though, he was more perceptive to my sugar changes than I was. He could spot a low coming on based on how slowly my eyes tracked him and utter minute changes in personality/behavior. I was exceedingly grateful for that
He has never been allowed to dictate how I manage my diabetes, though. He is a never-ending fount of concern and interest, but has never been even remotely suggestive of treatment options. Well, with the exception of really severe hypoglycemia, because I can be a real uncooperative b@#ch at those times. I think it’s the perfect balance for me.
I will say that open communication is really important in all things relationship, and you’re doing yourself zero favors by trying to hide something, anything really, from the get-go. I learned this late in regards to my diabetes. I had an on-again off-again boyfriend all through highschool, and I will never forget the conversation where he told me I was “always sick”. The problem was, in old school R/NPH insulin, I had to plan way ahead for meals and things, but I wasn’t clear enough in communicating that importance to him. I would plan for the standard dinner and a movie afair, and go desperately hypo if we didn’t go to dinner when expected. Or if we planned for one thing, and wound up getting pizza later with friends, surprise… I might wind up puking from high sugar later. Heaven help me if there was alcohol involved and the ensuing roller coaster ride. It’s no surprise he thought I was “always sick”, and largely my own fault for not including him in my important treatment situation. I never wanted to leave that “always sick” impersonation again, so I’ve had an open book policy ever since.
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You’re welcome, and thank you for responding. I am vegetarian, and any carb counting I have to do is pretty basic (for the most part) with what I might order. What I mean by that is, am pretty confident with estimating things like rice, potatoes, a tortilla, and the like. After that the veggies are high in fiber and the carbs that I might miss with them are negligible or at least more manageable later if I have goofed it a bit 
My beverage, more often than not is water or tea. Today I met up with my son and his wife for 2P lunch…I was at 90 when it came time to test, and so, even though anxious about the timing, that reading settled me right down…haha. What happened prior to arriving was I could physically feel a shift in BG’s and it felt quite rapid…of course I was driving and, well, there ya go more anxiety. Had an Endo appointment yesterday and have finally decided to get a CGM. That will either settle me down or ramp me up, not sure yet! I have a new provider and she is awesome! We were a true partnership, which is something I needed and hadn’t experienced in the past. Very, very happy about all the ground we covered.
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It’s only a big deal if you act like it is. I never would tell anyone I was diabetic until I knew them well (it’s really none of their business) and even then I would just mention it like it was no big deal, because it’s really not. Those of you who are labeling it as a disability are putting self imposed limits on yourself.
A very belated follow-up. I just started dating someone new and found a way to work t1d into a text convo super early. We were walking once in the park and I got a low and we just sat and chilled for a while until my sugar went up and it was totally not a big deal… I always worry having to accommodate a low is an annoyance for people. I’m new to having an omnipod and even managed to slip my pump that into a mealtime convo and once it was out, I didn’t stress at all. But my big accomplishment was being able to very quickly and lightly explain the dexcom and pod when we were making out, and I realized the second I said something about it I then stopped worrying. I was always so self conscious someone would see the devices and be like… yeah, that’s weird. And maybe they’ll think that internally and if it’s a huge deal it won’t work out. But hopefully it isn’t a deal breaker for most… and if it is then they aren’t someone I should be with.
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This is so, so true. If they can’t handle you with diabetes, that’s just too bad because it is a big part of your life and it isn’t going anywhere anytime soon! The right person will be supportive and will want the best for you. Somehow I found one, so they do exist 
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