Hullo dear heart!
You're not hopeless, I promise! Like Alison is saying, there IS now (finally!) hope and support for us, and, increasingly, there are treatment plans that these groups are presenting to the medical establishment.
I live in Vancouver, BC, CANADA, and I've been struggling with diabulimia for 20 years now, am mostly recovered (though not perfectly, and that's all good. I challenge the perfectionism cause it comes with the eating disorder).
In the beginning years it was super hard for me, because everywhere I went, the doctors kept telling me I was fine and that it was 'all in my head' etc. It was shoved firmly under the rug and I was often called noncompliant. Um well yeah! Imagine that! I have a mental illness that is a compulsion! So, there ya go, SOME of what many of us with this disorder experience. *sigh* It IS getting better though, we educate and raise awareness if we can. 8)
I'm a member and peer of some of these groups online, and I'm happy to tell you that it makes a HUGE difference in my life. FINALLY not only can I vent, I can get and GIVE the support I need when it all gets too much. Diabetes burnout happens to us all at some point or another on TOP of our disorder, so it makes extra frustrating and scary.
I've been through the eating disorder clinic here TWICE, and so I've learned a lot of coping strategies and also some behaviour modification techniques that really work once you practice using them. Other people in our groups also share their victories and hints on how THEY make it work for them. Each of us has our own unique version of the disorder, so each of us has to find our own path, identify our own personal triggers and so forth. Sounds frustrating, but in the end, you CAN get your life back. I'm hoping that some of the familiarity of what I'm talking about can inspire you and be a relief after so many years of struggling on your own!
You have my respect and empathy, believe me.
So welcome to our group here, I'll look forward to reading your responses!