I’m going to try to cure myself. My A1C is 10.5 a couple months ago and rising. My average blood sugar is over 600. I am going to try to stop now. I’m 108 and I’m afraid I will gain soooooooo much weight but I think I have to do this. Please, please, help me, anyone, anyone support you can give, I am SO AFRAID.
OMG Briar, that is not good, it sounds like you really need help. You know how dangerous Diabulimia can be, its been spoken of many times here on the site here before.
There are much better and simple ways to combat weight gain vs Diabulimia, for one you can just walk around the block a few times a day, thats all you need to keep weight below a certain level while keeping good blood sugar control. Cutting some fatty foods would also help too if that is a factor to you. Also look into online calorie calculators, they can give you a much better idea of how to gauge the food intake and weight.
However, I am also not the most knowledgeable person around here at all either, but I know others will be posting shortly after this who may have a lot more helpful advice than I do.
But please, bring that BG down, and if you’re afraid of lows too, settle in the 200’s temporarly until alonger term solution is made, because that sure as hell beats running 600+. Others will post very helpful advice and support behind me here.
More help is on its way
Hang in there. You can do this. Feel free to message me on here. You don’t suffer alone.
I am so glad to hear that you understand that you absolutely have to do this. And I absolutely know you can. I can share with you my own story. Before I was diagnosed I lost an enormous amount of weight. I didn’t even realize how sick I was =-- I was just thrilled with a huge weight loss, lower clothing size and was so sure I looked so good. But I was sick and my BG was averaging over 500. Admittedly, my situation was not really diabulmia – I just couldn’t get an endo appointment to even get properly diagnosed. When I finally got an endo to see me, she put me on insulin immediately. I told her how I didn’t want to gain weight. Her comment was – well you’ll gain some of it back for sure because you have been slowly dying from malnutrition – WOW! That was scary too me. And once taking the insulin - I felt SO much better. It was like rocket fuel. Also it straightened out some of the thoughts in my head about the unhealthy weight loss. Let’s face it – your brain needs nutrition too – so once you get on the right levels of insulin, I think you’ll start feeling not only physically better but also mentally about the whole weight thing. I’m not going to lie – I did gain some of the weight back - -I needed to. What was a real awakening to me was that everyone around me commenting on how good I looked when the weight was back on. They shared with me that I looked so awful before – they said I just looked sick all of the time. Here I thought I had looked great. We get so distorted in our heads about size sometimes and the lack of insulin just mixes up the thoughts in the brain that much more. I promise you, you are going to feel better in every way possible when you start getting the bg under control. Once healthy, you can manage your weight in a healthy way. Sickness is not a weight loss program. It sounds like you know that. Please let me know how you are doing – shoot me a message now and then. I truly care. I absolutely understand how you could have ended up where you are now. I’m offering you a supportive hand to step out of this place into a healthy life. You are so worth it. And I know - just by the words in your post and the fact that you posted at all - that you are so capable of doing this. I’m so proud of you for taking the reigns on this!
We have a Group here that I’d like to tell you about
http://www.tudiabetes.org/group/diabeticswitheatingdisorders
You’ve taken the first step. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts today.
Hi Briar-Rose (luv that name)…it’s so great that you have the determination to overcome this horrible eating disorder…but not at the expense of doing with less insulin. This (diabulimia) is too big to handle on your own. We all need support for our diabetes, well this too needs support. From groups here (see Danny’s post below), or from…
Diabetics with Eating Disorders, here at Tu. (check the groups)
Research shows that female type one diabetics at 2x the risk of developing anorexia or bulimia, & 40% of 15 – 30 regularly manipulate or omit insulin in order to lose weight.
There’s also this web site from the UK (not for profit organisation)…
Website: http://www.diabeticswitheatingdisorders.org.uk
As well, you need to connect with a health professional, say a nutritionist, or a dietitian AND your endo. Get support also from family or a friend…and STAY CONNECTED here, with us.
I care so much that you get well Briar-Rose. Please keep me/us posted as to how things are going DAY BY DAY.
luv ya…linda 
YOU CAN DO THIS!!! Just put that in the back of your mind as you go through this terriable time. NEVER LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF!!! That has helped me through some rather hard times at times.
Thank you very much to everyone for the support. I guess I am afraid to ask a professional for help because I am afraid they will put me in the hospital. My parents probably know what I am doing, but I haven’t told them in so many words. I am supposed to start counseling for other issues, so maybe that will help in some way. My doctor is just a GP, not an endo, and he is rather lackadaisical about my A1C and high blood sugar so even though he sort of knows, he’s like “It’s just a teenage thing” even though I’m 19! I just am really sick…my skin is sooo dry, my vision is always blurry, my throat is always sore, of course I’m thirsty, hungry, and have to go to the restroom all the time, I have constant headaches, ketones, and lately I’ve been having trouble breathing at night…this might all be me being a hypochondriac, but I think it’s a sign that it’s getting dangerous…I feel like I’m being self-indulgent by saying that I have an eating disorder but…I think I do and that’s why I posted this.
Hi Briar-Rose. I’ve been there. The symptoms you’re mentioning below sound a lot like ketoacidosis. Which is very dangerous and can kill you. Please seek help. You may need to go to hospital to have them help you get your glucose levels down. I’ve been in ketoacidosis a few times over the course of the past 13 years (mostly caused by infections and/or illnesses) and it is sometimes fatal. Please take some long-acting insulin (if you haven’t taken any today) and then call your doctor. You can do this. You may put on a little bit of weight (I put on 20 lbs during recovery), but at least you will feel healthy again- don’t you miss feeling healthy? That was what made me turn the page to injections and eating “right” 8 years ago. Be careful. Know you’re in our thoughts today.
Briar-Rose…please call your doc. If it is decided that you go to the hospital…this might just be the right place for you right now. I feel it is too much for you to handle alone 
I agree with Linda and Marps. GO TO THE HOSPITAL> LIKE NOW!!! We don’t want to lose you and all you discribes sounds like a high bs.
As someone who has suffered from eating disorder such as diabulemia and anorexia. I did need help to kick the habit. I was lucky my family once they knew were very supportive. I had a short period of time where i ran my blood sugars high by not taking as much insulin. Then the other time i just did not eat much at all, I had such a hard time realizing that i was not huge. I was actually bones. They made me sketch how big i thought i was and then they traced me and i then realized i was not fat but in a very vunerable spot. I do struggle with the urge to go back to not eating. but then i remember all the problems i have now from not taking the best care of myself. My bones are prone to stress fractures and other issues now. I was lucky my blood sugars were only in the 2-300 range but that still is enough to do long term or premanet damage to your body. Remember you only get one body. You can still have good blood sugars and be a healthy weight.
Briar-Rose,
Dear, please call your doctor or go to the hospital right away, high blood sugar is really a scary thing and if you were in the hospital just for a few days I think it would be extremely beneficial. I am not even 5 feet tall and I weigh 115, which is a healthy range for my height. I also struggled with anorexia and bulimia before I was diagnosed, which I think in turn led to me being diagnosed late, I was 18, I wouldn’t eat anything and when did I would go and work it all off, my sugars didnt have a chance to be high, I realize now that even though I ended up with Diabetes, that I was so sick and unhealthy in my body and my mind, I wouldnt let myself get over 100 lbs and I was just skin and bones, I had dreams of getting married and having a family and going to college and once I got conseling I realized that I could achieve alll of this even with being diabetic. i am now married and am pregnant with my first baby and I couldnt be feeling better! 
I feel good about my body and even when that voice inside my heads comes haunting me saying, “you look fat today” or something I just have to brush it away and realize I am at a good weight and it is not true. You are beautiful and deserve to live a long and healthy life, and if you want to have children then the sooner youy get your sugars in check the better for that too Please keep us updated, my story is different than yours but I know how daunting food can be and how it can seem like the enemy, but once you start being able to contol it, instead of the other way around, this amazing feeling washes over you and you realize you can do this! It is absolutely possible but you just have to start by taking the first step and you already have on here, you can do this hun!!! We’re all in this together and are a little family, please send me a message anytime!
My prayers are with you
Hugs! Mariah
Again, thank you everyone! With the help of a wonderful diabetic friend, I forced myself to leave my pump connected and bolus as well, so right now I am down to 258. I think I should be okay! Now if only I can fight against those thoughts that say “Every time you bolus, you are making yourself fatter, you disgusting pig.” Those thoughts are everpresent; they grate away at my sanity constantly, The sane part of me says “Would you rather be fat or dead?” but the eating disorder mindset goes “Being fat is death for you.” Now, I would NEVER EVER EVER want anyone else to think that way and I think bodies of all sizes are beautiful…just not mine. Does that make sense?
At any rate, it’s a constant battle for me to check my BG, to leave my pump connected, to bolus, because the ED in my head keeps interfering. But I want to do this…even at 258 I already feel better, emotionally and physically. I just need accountability. Because if left uncountered, my thoughts will lead me to self-destruction. I need to get away from there.
Keep it up and great job. Remember you are a fighter never give up.
Those voices in the back of your head are evil. I have not felt with an eating disorder but can empathize with years of dealing with depression and various addictions. Some voices go away others still whisper in the back of my head after years of being clean.
AWESOME Briar-Rose!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!! One step at a time…and keep on posting!!! 
Thats right… as someone in the earlier post said… NEVER LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF… you can do it…
When initialy diagnozed a year back … my PCP told me that my A1C was so high that it was out of scale for Labcorp to list down and
I should have been at the hospital… Thanks to a lot of courage and dedication from me and my wife … I am doing better …
Dont loose hope and dont take it easy… Helping yourself is the best way to take care of the situation…
Good luck !!
I know exactly what its like to be afraid of not wanting to take your insulin becuase you fear getting fat. I am living proof of you should take care of it. I have a A1C of 14.8 which is very bad as some put it. But I am only 29 and have more complications then I can name and I am also in constant pain from the nerve damage. Its taken me 20 years to come to terms but you can face this and come back from brink. Sometimes it take some people a little longer than others to realize they are worth so much more then they give themselves credit for.
Thanks guys! things were going well, yesterday I even got down to 74 for the first time in months, but after that my bg just began to rise and didn’t quit. It’s been in the 400’s for a while now, despite the fact that I had over 50 units of insulin yesterday! Which is WAAAAAAYYY more than I ever have 
I honestly kept bolusing and bolusing and not eating and it would either stay the same or rise. Do you think there could be something wrong with my infusion site?
Hi Briar-Rose- I’m so happy and relieved to read that you are doing better. It will take a while for your body to adjust. I would guess a few weeks before you will really start to feel the difference. Drink lots of water to flush your system of the toxins you had while in such a long state of high BG. You will likely bloat for a few days too. Expect it. Don’t be surprised by it. The bloating WILL go away. In the long run, you WILL feel better. Please take care of your body.
The voices? They will fade. They won’t ever go away, but they will fade. I even laugh at them sometimes because I know that I look beautiful- especially compared to the way I looked when I was skin and bones. I took a picture of myself at my thinnest (110 lbs at 5’8") and hung it on my mirror. It was a picture where I thought (at the time) that I looked healthy and thin and wonderful- but in reality, I looked pale, pasty, extremely malnourished, and like I needed help- desperately. My skin looked bruised.
You won’t notice the difference for a little while, but you WILL get there. Stay strong and keep moving forward.