I am leaving TuDiabetes... I have had enough

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I have decided that... as part of my emotional wellbeing, and health, that I am leaving TuDiabetes... I originally joined so that I could receive moral and educational support, and sometimes guidance; not chastising and denial of my experiences. I am all for discussion and disagreement, but when it comes paired with chastising a person for being hurt, and being patronized for not being like them, than I am not going to be party to that.

I am sorry that I am...

1.) Imperfect, and human, and I have distrusts (just like anyone else), and so I distrust the medical community as a whole.

2.) Grieving, because I have had all my feelings bottled up for the last 5 months of my official diagnosis, while NOT knowing at all that I've actually had Diabetes for 3 years or more, without any medical professional bothering to do anything about it, even though they knew the numbers.

3.) Very upset about this, and still need to process through my anger... Even though people might get sick of me.

4.) I am not a frigid, unemotional ■■■■■, that puts on a stiff upper lip, and pretends things don't bother her; instead I face my emotions, and I am not afraid to share them. I share them so people know it is OKAY to be happy, sad, depressed, pissed, angry, mortified, afraid... And NO ONE should be made to feel bad for it.

5.) That I am an assertive person, and I want to make things right not just for myself, but for others... So that they don't have to go through what I did... and I don't let myself be a doormat.

6.) That I have enough respect and class, that I don't chastise people for not 'moving on,' nor do I post threads to target them.

7.) That I have the BALLS to say when something is unacceptable, and wrong, and NO ONE should have to put up with. We should never make altars for anyone, thinking they shouldn't ever be held accountable for their actions, or at least be made aware of them.

8.) That I prefer to comfort, rather than to hear myself talk, and be a bully.

9.) That even though I don't like people, I always put myself out there... every time... Even though I might end up harassed, bullied, chastised, and judged... Even among people who are supposed to understand me... Even on days like today.

10.) That I don't always have it all together, and the only reason I came here was for just exactly that... Because I needed support.

Today, I just got a lot of attacks, chastising, patronizing, and judgementalism... There is a big difference between disagreeing... and chastising, and even bullying, or targeting people... And I am not going to stick around so that someone can get their jollies off of not validating, nor accepting, my own life experience... or what I have to share. I am not your child that you should treat me that I need to repress my emotions, and not feel grief, or anger, or hurt.

I am going to stick around to finding support where I know that at least it's safe... In the arms of my husband... And if anyone wants to still chat, and be my buddy, that's fine. You can e-mail me, or be my Facebook Friend... But this place is no longer a safe place... And when we delight in targetting others, and putting down others because they aren't like us, well... that's just no place I want to be.
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:frowning:

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Hi Lizmari. I hope you don’t actually leave TuDiabetes. I’m new here as a member, but I lurked for quite a while before joining. I found/find the blogs and forums to cover a wide range of thought–amusing, entertaining, upsetting, educational, angry, informative, and more, but always challenging in some way. Perhaps as PWDs we feel these emotions more strongly, or more often, as others. So tomorrow’s another day, another topic. Please stick around to participate.

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I understand how you feel, you passionate lady!

Take a break, as Danny wisely suggests. My grandmother, the smartest woman I ever met, cautioned to never burn a bridge because you might need it to get back across.

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Being part of a community does not mean that you have to get along with “everybody.” I for one have enjoyed your being part of the community. Take a break. Work through your feelings. But do realize if you leave, I will miss you.

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Lizmari,
I would hate to see you leave TuDiabetes. Still, I will respect any decision you take. Please take a minute to read the message I just sent you…

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I so hope you stay. I enjoy reading your posts, even if I don’t have a comment to make.

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No. Please don’t go. You have been such a good source of help and advice and someone to look up to and admire.

However, having been on many forums and sites, I know that there is always crap happening. Someone says something and someone else says something else and suddenly a simple comment turns into a Big Deal.

If you need to protect yourself - and you are the only one who can do that - then do what you need to do. I will miss you.

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Lizmari, in every community there are those who can only let their voices be heard by hurting others in the guise of
"helping" them. I know that this is what some of the comments to and about you have been or appeared to be. But I would hope that you would take that deep breath and know that there are more people who are wanting you to stay here and walk with us, rather than leave. You have taught us so much about standing up for ourselves, and being our own best advocates. it would be a shame to have you leave. I hope that you, too, have not just given but also received something from people here that is good. I, like Manny, will respect what you decide, for in the end, it IS all about you, and your well being. I hope to see you here, but if not, I’ll be searching for you on FB.
Cathy J

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I don’t know what happened after I posted in agreement to your “Stupid Doctors” discussion, but I do know that we need balance in the group. Not that anything negative said to you is EVER okay, but we need you with your passionate voice and opinions. And I need you to stay so I know someone hates doctors with me. :wink:

The thing about an online community…it’s not gonna be any easier than a real life one. And sometimes because of the anonymity of the internet, people say things they would never say to your face. I think there can be good and bad in that. The few T1Ds I met in “real” life, I felt this instant connection with, and then I had to pull myself back to realize we are still very different people with different politics, backgrounds, values, and philosophies. It’s like the D makes you a part of this special club you never wanted to be in, and the only ones who can “help” you are other people who don’t wanna be in the club either! lol…some of us have a positive outlook, some not so much, some of us it depends on the topic or day or our blood sugar at the moment. :slight_smile:

Please don’t take any of that junk written to you personally. What others do is NEVER about us. It is about them. So let them be. You have too much to offer. As the saying goes, better to light a candle than curse the darkness. And I suspect, your light is much stronger than any attempts to blow it out! :slight_smile:

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I hear what you are saying. I have seen a few of the “unsupportive” (and even sort of mean) posts by some members on here (I am not going to name names but maybe you are thinking of the same people) and I think it is so wrong. But that is like a measely 1 percentage of the people on there (or so I have noticed so far). I have seen this on other forums too - it is the nature of the internet is a way. What I do is just ignored those people and don’t repsond to any nasty posts they put up - because other wise I know I will want to get all debatey about it But you can complain to the admins if you think someone is being particularly nasty you know…

Try not to let it bother you - a person who feels like they have to post nasty and unsupportive comments unnecessarily is obvious an extremely insecure person. Not worth your time at all.

I wish this forum had an “Ignore this Person” feature. They had had on another forum I was on and it was neat. If you knew the person was a nasty poster, you could ignore any post by them so they didn’t show up on your screen.

I hope you dont go - I enjoy reading your posts and you seem like you have come a long way in such a short amount of time without any meds too! You are an inspirational person on here.

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Yeah, I know, Kimberly… they just even have a post targeting me now, about ‘venting’ and saying I don’t let people that disagree post things, and whatnot… And that’s not true. You know, I don’t mind people disagreeing with me… I mind people being chastising and condescending while they are disagreeing with me… Because they are not my moral superior in any way, nor should they need to try to shame me into picking their side of view… My experience of not being addressed at all by doctors, ignoring my high blood sugar numbers, and me wanting to write them a letter making them aware of this… was likened to someone “tapping me in the grocery store, by accident, and me pushing them into a soda display”! And of course, another sexist, unsupportive poster commented how I was just an ‘emotional woman’ that needs to be ignored cus women’s emotions change all the time, cus we’re hormonal and all we do is have babies, and what not… It’s basically a comment to bash and attack me because I decided to close the thread because I got tired of people denying me my experience – instead of simply disagreeing with my plan of action – and chastising me… And what is this forum for, anyway? It’s for Diabetes, and our stresses… Not for ■■■■■■■ on other members on some thread… “Oh, look at her, she needs to learn how to use a forum, let’s spank her publicly on a forum so she can learn her lesson…” That is ridiculous… And those kinds of people are bullies, and quite honestly should be banned from this place.

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I have been EXACTLY where you are right now. When I left, I didn’t say goodbye, and I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. I had been involved in a fairly controversial discussion that turned ugly. I deleted my account, and along with it, every post I had ever written.

I missed being a part of this community, though. Read this, which really articulates what happend and why.

Obviously, I came back. But I have never forgotten those who attacked me in that discussion, and I choose not to associate with them now. Just remember that for every one “jerk” there are many more understanding, caring, and open people who appreciate what you have to say.

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Thanks Shannon… I appreciate your view, it really means a lot to me. I read that thread once, and yeah, it was pretty scary… It made me definitely see some people in a lesser light. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I kind of feel as if I would be in a ‘damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t’ sort of situation if I either stayed, or left. But even if I am just not active anymore, I will leave the account going as I don’t want to delete the groups I’ve created, and that people need. It will just take some time, I guess, for me not to be this distrusting to participate anymore. I guess, as is usual…

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I do know what you mean. I’m not nearly as active on TuD as I once was. I appreciate that I can come here with a question (or an answer to one), but I’m not emotionally investing myself in it anymore.

In fact, I just read a comment on your page about me that left me shaking my head. It’s funny how differently two people can view the same conversation.

In the end, you have to do what’s best for you. I have always appreciated your comments and would be sorry to see your point of view gone from this site. But, I can and do understand why you would want to step back.

Oh, and FWIW, if I’d been in your shoes, I would have been just as angry with my doctor.

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Thanks, Shannon… Validation is really all I wanted in the first place, you know… :frowning: Just that. Not someone verbally spanking me because “thinks were worse in the old days,” or “how dare I get mad at the doctor,” kind of stuff. HUGS

I’m gonna go delete that comment… I shouldn’t have approved it to begin with… I dunno what I was thinking.

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Wow, I hope you don’t mind me posting as I missed the thread in Question, I think I am glad that I missed what sounds pretty ugly, but I really hope that you stay part of TU.
I know it’s easier said than done but try and just ignore the you’ll never be good enough’s, the look how great we are, we are so much better than you’s oh and the we had it so much harder’s, the response to your blog has to tell you how highly you’re thought of by many here.
With reference to stupid doctors, there are plenty I ended up in A&E twice with DKA as a result, there are many who couldn’t find their posteriors with both hands :o) x

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Sorry that you are having a bad experience on this site. Please remember that most ot us are also diabetic. Many are confronting a productive life with that burden. They are resentful, confused, hostile and scared. I have been lucky to have had the first 75 years or so as a non diabetic. Living our the last few years entangled in managing sugar, weight, blood pressure and the problems of an octagenerian is no easier. We have a tougher road ahead of us. Even if you leave us, my best to you and take courage in that you come across as a strong person who will overcome the obsticals represented by diabetes.

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In the long run you are doing good service to the diabetes community. You are bringing light to the people who are awake but can’t see. Pls don’t get discouraged. Even I recvd an indirect rebuke from ur comment on my comment on this forum. My comment had been on fixed percentages of Carbohydrates, Proteins and fats. Your remark jolted me in researching and saw the light and then sent a friend’s request at Facebook.
Even scathing remarks can be good, but we must be ready for recoil and mature enough to take it.
In the end what matters is intention__ur intentions are good. The only wrong intention may be of leaving, pls reconsider.

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I’m so sorry you have had such a bad experience here. I do recognize you and I believe you have commented on blogs I have posted. When I see your photo on a comment you have made, I think, “I know her.” I have definitley found some comments to my blogs a bit degrading and more impersonal than they used ot be. I think people feel since there only typing it’s like the other person doesn’t really exist. It’s unfortunate. I’m sorry you’re leaving and I would defintiely friend you on facebook. I don’t have Diabetes but my daughter does, and i would hate to think of her being in a seemingly friendly place and then be made to feel how you are feeling. I hope tomorrow is a better day.