I Don't Know How I Feel

It’s been over a year, since I was diagnosed. I was 15, and I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It’s weird how I felt when I got the news. I wasn’t sad, and I didn’t even want to cry. I guess I’m still in shock. I didn’t even cry about it yet. I don’t want to seem weak in front of people. I didn’t want them to pity me. My parents think I’m okay with it, but honestly I don’t know how I feel. I don’t to talk to anyone about my feelings or anything, so I haven’t talked about it with anyone. I don’t feel comfortable arund my doctor, and I can’t change him because my father likes him. I haven’t even googled " Diabetes" yet I guess I’m afraid of finding out something I didn’t want to know. I don’t even know why I’m sad about it. I go to bed everyday thinking it will go away in the morning. I have to be realistic about it and start handle it in a right way. I just don’t know when I’ll be ready. For now I don’t know what to do.

Are you tryng to say you feel badly about it? Most of us do too, if that helps. Some of us might have different ways of expressing it however you are in the right place.

What don’t you like about the doc? For a long time, when I was a bt heavier, I would look @ the docs “glamour shots” on the website and find the heavier ones figuring (correctly, as it turned out…) that they wouldn’t bust my chops about that as much. Lately, I’ve shopped more for “who can I get in to give me a fancy gizmo soonest” who at both practices turned out to be a young, female doctor of Indian descent. Both of them were freaking blistering at math too but that may be why they went to medical school. I have a theory that the older, white male doctors likely have more patients in a more establish practice, if only because their older, but I could care less and probably would feud with them more.

If you think your doctor is creepy (I had a doc like this and ended up ditching him quickly…), I would explain “I know you like him but he’s creepy” to your parents. I have a 12 year old and would certainly listen to something like that. If there are insurance or clinic issues, maybe they’ll let you try a different doctor more to your liking. Sometimes parents might ask their friends or their own doctor “who is the best doctor?” but their answer may be totally different from yours. I did not find that the “best” doctor (my creepy doc was the head of endocrinology at the biggest place in town…it didn’t do anything for him…) was the best doctor for me. My medical history is long and complicated and maybe full of all sorts of horrible blowing off appointments and bogarting rx’s thanks to Walgreens pwning their staff but you should be comfortable with your doctor if you have diabetes.

Actually, you just took the first step by coming on here! Perhaps you can locate a teen group in your area, so you will have people to talk to who understand, the JDRF would be a good place to start. Another option is diabetes camp where you can meet other type 1’s and have fun too!

You also might talk more with your parents about finding a doctor who you can relate to more so you will be willing to talk and to ask questions. Hopefully you can find somebody you both like.

Good for you for coming on here. I hope you’ve signed into the teen group here as well. Welcome! Not knowing how you feel, or feeling lots of different ways is pretty normal. You’ve come to a place where we do understand!

Yes, he is an old doctor, and he is famous, that’s why my father made me see him. He isn’t creepy, but i think he got old and tired of his job that he doesn’t care about the patient’s feelings.

No honey it want go away. Once a diuabetic always a diabetic. You know I can so relate to how your feeling even if it was years ago for me. I didn’t let ppl know that I was hurting bad inside and I kept the happy face on while I was crying into my pillow at night. HOLD STRONG!!! YOU CAN DO THIS !!!

I’m waiting for that moment, when I realize it and cry myself to sleep, maybe I’d feel better then.
Thank you :).

I wnated to add that its not just about thinking about “it” in the right way, it’s about adopting a scientific approach to it and learning how to run your own show so you can tell your doctor wwhat you are doing rather than making him guess? If you don’t engage w/ the doc, he won’t help you take yourself to the next level of comprehension about what’s going on.

I’ve tried talking to them. They keep asking why, but I don’t want to tell them how I feel, so I have to make up an excuse.
I’m about to join now :slight_smile:
Thank you.

You make me a little nervous when you say you don’t want to tell your parents why you don’t like the doctor. I could be totally off on this, but if it’s anything at all sexual, even that you just don’t like how he looks at you, you HAVE to tell them. Like acidrock says, a parent would want to know. If it’s not that, ignore this, but you still should talk with them. If you don’t like your doctor you’re not going to work with him, and with Diabetes you really want to work together as a team.

You don’t have to cry Bayanikins, it’s ok if you do and ok if you don’t. Everyone deals with things differently.
I’m so glad you found the TuD family! I didn’t google for months because I really didn’t want to know, probably wasn’t ready. I was compliant, and did what I was told. I’m a whole different animal now :slight_smile:

You’re on a path, things will keep changing, including how you feel. You’ll be ready to learn more when you are ready. For now take care of yourself. Can you schedule an ‘appointment’ with your father to discuss how you feel, and have a conversation about going to a different endocrinologist?

Hang in there!!

Know exactly how you feel, I was 15 or 16 I think. I say I think cause I honestly don’t remember anymore, I think I mentally blocked it out when it didn;t go away. Im in my thirties now and still going strong but I monitor like crazy now. Im new to this site but there are alot of people here that are there to help with opinions. I’ve been through a lot of DRs for the same reason, the way I see it its me who has to feel comfortable with the Dr not anyone else. I’m sure if you explain it to your Dad he’ll understand. One thing I didn’t think I would like but ended up loveing it and that was a diabetic camp for youth, I think it was because everyone there was just like me and I could talk to them about it cause they understood where I was coming from and what I was going through. There are going to be good times and not so good times but the main thing is that the good times will be far more frequent. Chat with ya later

Oh it will it just takes sometime. So glad you found the TuD family. It really helps to have those of us who “get it” Your home with us now just let us help you with these feelings.

NO NO it’s not sexual. I just don’t have a close relationship with my parents. My father is very overprotective. I like keeping things to myself, but if it got serious, I sure would ell them.

I’m glad I found it too, THANKS :slight_smile:

Hey there,

I just passed my first year anniversary of diagnosis with Type 1. So I know this might sound weird, but congrats for making it a year with this fun “affliction!” One thing you may want to take a look at is when people on this site talk about celebrating the anniversary of their diagnosis. It kinda turns the whole thing on its head.

I didn’t celebrate mine but I did make a note of it and talked about it with a few close people. It really helps to be on this site and know other people who understand what you’re going through, and to know that you’re not alone. I encourage you to come here and talk when you’re feeling down, at least one (if not LOTS) of people will reply and help you feel virtually hugged.

As for your doctor, you should never feel funny about looking into alternatives. Some people even insist on a doctor with diabetes, but I’d imagine those are not easy to find. But anyway, besides the physical knowledge, bedside manner is VERY important. We’re talking about a lifelong companion here, so too your doctor should qualify for such a long term relationship.

Finally, try to keep your parents involved. There is a separate group here for people whose loved ones live with diabetes, why not ask your parents to look into it? They need some support too.

My father actually tries to talk with me about being a diabetic, it’s me how doesn’t. I don’t want to break down in front of him, I wasn’t that close to him. It just doesn’t make me feel comfortable.

I will :wink:

Thank you.

Yeah, I think I should really work things out with my dad.

Thanks Dave, it’s nice to hear from people who have been through this before :slight_smile:

I am not a big fan about ontologically considering “being diabetic”. I am a rock and roller, a runner, a black belt, a guitar player, a claims adjuster, but I have diabetes. It’s a totally semantic distinction but I think it’s been very helpful for me to have made it over the years. I had just turned 16 when I was dx’ed and threw myself into college, both studying and wildd parties. There were a lot of challenges but I had enough philosophy classes (and sitting around getting loaded with other philosophy geeks. While we listened to Love & Rockets…) that the distinction between ‘am’ and ‘have’ is worth considering to me

Re the doctor issue, at my last appt. I had very nice results, nice numbers (printed off of my computer and faxed…) and the doctor said “there’s nothing I can tell you…” which was a nice feeling. Of course, I got dizzy with success and keeled over after a super busy weekend and had a f/u visit, mostly about some cardiac issues that were of concern but that I’ve sort of decided (I read a heart book too, so not just pulling stuff out of my wazoo…) were just from ODing on insulin, nothing else and am just rolling. I uploaded my results though and asked her staff “so what happens now, do you call or does she call?” as I haven’t done this before with any of my doctors (although I’ve read about many of y’all doing it!) and they said “no, she’ll call you” so perhaps I’ll learn something new and interesting? It is a huge science experiment and I like my doc a lot, she was very cool about the whole thing and we’ll see what happens. I think that is very important?

Cool. But I still think you need to like the doctor enough to work with him!