I hate this


I hate it so much.

I hate the shaky feeling I get, but still having to ask the teacher if I can go to the loo, so that I can wash my hands before I test.

I hate the 5 long seconds I wait before seeing the 3.2 on the meter.

I hate the pouring skittles into my hand under the desk and shovelling them into my mouth in an attempt to get my sugar up whilst the rest of the class are translating Latin.

I hate the way my friend looks at me and says "Emma, are you dying?"

I hate it that at the end of the lesson I can barely stand up and I'm shaking like crazy, the teacher notices something is wrong and asks, all I can do is babble incoherantly.

I hate the way I have to walk down two flights of stairs to get to my form room.

I hate the way that I walk through the door and Mrs. G. is asking me if I'm alright, that I can eat if I want to.

I hate the way that I catch my face in a mirror and my lips have lost all colour.

I hate that the school put us on late lunches on the day I really needed food.

I hate that I had to do my injection in front of my friends.

I hate that I bolused only 4 units of NovoRapid 'cause I was so scared of going low again.

I hate the 5 seconds I wait for the number to appear on the screen when I test in R.E.

I hate the 15.3 that appears on the screen.

I hate that this is when I'm supposed to have a snack and I don't know what to do.

I hate the wince that passes over my friend's face as she sees the number.

I hate having to leave the lesson to go to the loo, 'cause I'm so high.

I hate the headache that comes on.

I hate getting into the car and feeling guilty when I tell my mum about my terrible numbers.

I hate telling my mum numbers.

I hate the way I always feel it's all my fault.

I hate reading the blogs of mothers of kids with diabetes and it suddenly hits me: my mum feels like that too.

I hate having caused so much hurt.

I hate being to blame for this.

I hate getting out of bed in the morning.

I wish for a cure every single day.