...and it's only taken me 24 years to realize this (sarcasm intended).
I was diagnosed with T1 in October of 1988 at the age of 2. I took shots for 10 years and have had a pump for 14 years. I have battled various eating disorders, depression, a quest at perfectionism, childhood,teenage years, college, etc, but I have never "battled" diabetes, because I've never admitted to myself that I have it.
Therefore, although I know how to use my pump, I haven't. Although I generally know how to count carbs, I haven't. I have however seen endos regularly, some who were encouraging, some who saw me as a lost cause.
I HAVE NEVER HAD A HbA1c LESS THAN 8. In fact, my A1c has regularly been sitting between 9.5 and 14 for the the last 15 years. I have been dodging bullets my entire life. But 1 month ago, I admitted to myself that I have diabetes. Although this may sound crazy to some of you, it was life changing for me. This has been the longest year, especially month, of my life. Keeping my sugar at 350 was much easier than keeping it at 100, something my body knows nothing about. I've checked my sugar 84 times in the last 15 days and had only 19 above 200 (4 of them on Thanksgiving)...Previously a foreign experience.
I'm learning how to really count carbs with my dieticien, checking a minimum of six times a day, learning how meds and alcohol, and a lack of sleep can all send numbers higher. A lot of tears, a lot of doctors, a lot of therapy. A LOT of reading what you all write on this site for hope, encouragement, questions, inspiration etc as well as Pumping Insulin, Diabetes for Dummies, and Cheating Destiny.
This honestly has been the most difficult acknowledgement of my life. I know that I will not continue to dodge bullets much longer. Kidneys, Choloesterol, Blood Pressure, Eyes have all been normal. My nephrologist regularly reminds me that he would expect me to have kidney failure by now... Anyway I'm venting but I can't wait to see the benefits of this work, because it has been HARD.
All of you guys are the best. Please don't ever doubt the inspiration that you are giving, particularly for a life-long HARD-HEADED person like myself.