like, since the beginning of october. what the hell is wrong with me?
i do everything else im supposed to do (well, i dont log either, but thats optional)but when it comes to counting carbs i do nothing, and have done since about the beginning of october.
ill have a bit of chocolate and then a bit more and then a bit more, going back and forth to the fridge like i used to preD, all without bolusing, and then after ive eaten about what is maybe (?) my i:c ratio, ill have a pang of guilt and bolus or try to walk it off or do some form of exercise to fix things.
my midday meal is a longish grazing sesión, low carb-ish but still grazing. i just dont feel like sitting down to a meal before cycling to work. or im busy. or i just cant be asked, plain and simple.
i dont need anyone telling me that im gonna be an amputee or blind in ten years, i just needed to say it without friends or family freaking out on me. when i talk to them i could never tell them im doing something dumb like this, something that seems so easy to avoid. i hadnt realized until now how loaded the "so hows your sugars" question can be when im not doing everything i should be doing. the fact is, my sugars are fine, most of the time, even if im not doing everything perfectly.
i cant imagine it being burnout because i am happy with the rest of my life, my job, friends, everythings great. i just seem to have stopped dealing with this part of my self care. i have been a "good" diabetic for two years, but im still really angry, and now im very tired of it!
I enjoy reading your comments and I understand exactly what you are talking about. It's OK not to be perfect and what you are doing is probably not that bad. We all need a time out.
Maybe you will enjoy Merri's blog about getting over anger. Sitting with diabetes.
http://www.ourdiabeticlife.com/2013/09/sitting-with-diabetes.html I hope you do.
Maybe you prolonged your honeymoon through activity and generally healthy lifestyle habits and now it's over. Just crank out some more insulin and get 'er done. RE carb counting, the best things I've done are 1) buy a scale 2) use "Lose It", a "dieting" app that is an awesome storehouse of info at your fingertips. It doesn't have everything but it lists "Old Chubb" Scotch Ale at 34G of carbs which seems pretty obscure to me and was interesting to learn.
If your sugars are fine most of the time and you aren't getting too many highs/lows, than theres nothing wrong with not counting every carb imo. I never count carbs anymore, mostly because I eat basically the same food every day: meat and veggies, nuts, eggs with no grains or 'high-carb' type foods. I find my bolus depends more on the amount of food I eat than the carb count(unless I eat grains, that throws everything off). My latest a1c(1 week ago) was 5.4 and I don't have a lot of lows, so it works for me to 'guess-timate' my bolus just by looking at my food. Even my endo is ok w/ how I bolus and not knowing my i:c ratio.
I know there are a lot of people that need to count carbs to maintain any kind of control, just shows that each individual is different and one should do what works for them and not worry about always adhering to the 'standard' methods of diabetes management.
If you aren't counting but your blood sugars are fine, then maybe you've just figured, "What's the point?" and stopped doing it. Which is totally understandable. I think I'd do the same thing! If your blood sugars are fine ... what IS the point? Other than just feeling as if it's somehow wrong. If you really want to do it (or your blood sugars stop being OK), I agree with AR about getting a scale, and I also use carb factors (you can google it). That way you can just plunk something on the scale, multiply it by it's carb factor, and get the carb count. It's still annoying, but not as annoying as doing a bunch of calculations to try and measure something.
I'm sure you'll work this out for yourself at some point. Are you spiking when you do this? If so I would at least bolus for when you're going to graze or treat yourself to chocolate. As everyone says if your bg is ok it's not a big deal as long as you don't go too much in that direction. I agree we all need time out.
I was counting measuring everything in the beginning and when I still found I had spikes and lows anyway I became less obsessive because I figured why bother with all of that if it doesn't even work consistently? I eat pretty much the same thing most of the time and like Shawn I found that the amount, what I'm eating and how long I wait to eat, what my activity levels have been and how close I am to my basal running out are very important too. I do try to have some general idea of the amount of carbs and because I eat very similar things I do- if I add a new food in I look up carbs and portions etc. I also don't eat grains, starchy veggies etc. anymore or anything that I found really spikes me a lot. But there are times I make mistakes when I eat a little too much jam on my pancakes and spike while other times I do the same and stay in range, it happens. Since you like chocolate, have you tried cocoa nibs? I put them on berries and add stevia, they're very low carb and high fiber with some iron too.
One thing I always do is log.. but now I do it on my phone.. I highly recommend some sort of phone app to log your insulin intake etc. I'm sure this has saved me a few times- knowing how much insulin I took and when. And it helps me to see patterns etc.
I think I have anger too- I'm going to read that link.. this is a very tiring, difficult disease to deal with for sure.
You're facing what we all do. We don't just live "Life," we also deal with a parallel simultaneous and very demanding life that is diabetes. Life by itself, without diabetes, occupies 100% of the time, attention, and resources of people without diabetes. We have to somehow come up with another 100% to deal with diabetes! No wonder most of us are tired.
It's natural that after setting up systems that maintain reasonable BGS that you turn your attention to your "real" life and let diabetes get by on autopilot. That's not an unreasonable tactic, unless, of course, that there's two of you and you can permanently assign one to diabetes and one to life!
Let your BG performance be your guide as to whether carb counting is important right now. If your BGs are good and you feel well enough then maybe this tradeoff is OK. You play the hand you're dealt. It appears that your pancreas is providing some service to you so just be grateful and enjoy it while it lasts. May it last a long time.
From reading your previous posts and comments you do not impress me as someone who would carelessly manage your BGs. Your friends and family members have no idea as to the complexity of the "extra" game you play. Without this knowledge they have no way to put into context your seeming temporary lack of attention that you're paying to carb counting. They don't need or want to know about every metabolic zig and zag you take. They just want to know that you're OK. And you shouldn't feel guilty for not sharing this detail.
Enjoy the break you've been given. But always pay attention to your BGs. As long as you're montoring things and you're safe.
thanks for your thoughtful replies. i never thought in a million years i would be depending on people id never met in the flesh to help me deal with some very important aspects of my life. thank you.
im just freakin out here over everything because in my eyes im not being "good". youre probably right, i can just chill out and relax if my numbers are mostly good. im overthinking everything waaay to much trying to be perfect. i eat lots of the same foods over and over so maybe i just know what theyll do to bg and for right now the D is allowing me NOT to think so much.
ill try cocoa nibs when i am stateside for xmas-chocolate in another form is always a plus. i get my a1c done in the next month so well see what that says.
We all meet in the flesh of our fingertips!
"For he to-day that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition..." Henry V
I feel great I have all of you to talk to also :) Definitely try the cocoa nibs and put some brandy or cognac on them too, tastes delicious!
yes! alcohol and chocolate!! yes!
lol :) can't get better than that!