Hi, I am fairly new to this site. I am not new to this disease (Type 1 x 48 years) or to depression (yes,the diabetes worses it) but I am really,really
struggling right now. Most days I can handle it. I have my ups and downs and I go with the flow. I still work full time and while I find myself totally exhausted by the middle of the day..I forge on.
Yesterday two things hit me really hard and I can't stop crying.The biggest and I suppose most important is that my sugar went from 599 (fasting) to 51 at 4:30 pm. It took me a while to recover from that,sitting quietly here at my desk,as I was told by my supervisor that my diabetes "interfers with my work" when I experience highs and lows and need to take some time to regulate myself. Yesterday I just became very despaired over it all and actually was hoping not to wake up this morning.
All of this is compounded by the fact that mu husband of 34 years walked out on my 2 years ago. He was tired of my complication and burdens of ER visits for chest pains or freq eye exams or the complexity of gastroporesis and to eat or not to eat. Nice guy,huh? Guess his attention was elsewhere during the vows. It just angers me that he can toss me away and not have to take responsibility for anything even though I have done all the work to have 2 beautiful and healthy children.
Anyways,I feel alone and despaired and just need a hug. Linda
I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time and I'm really inspired by your grit. 48 years, complications, a full time job and I'm sure a full time mother. It's a life well lived.
If you are now hoping that you don't wake up, it's time to do something more directly about your depression. I would encourage you to either start or re-start therapy and perhaps to talk to someone about medication. As I'm sure you know, depression is a disease and there are treatments that may help reduce it's burden.
You're certainly not alone here. Please hang around and ask for all the help you need. This is a wonderful community of people willing to extend themselves for others.
Linda, please hop on the live chat (look at the lower right of your browser window) and talk directly with some of your diabetes family. That will help a lot more than the slower, back and forth of the forums.
I'm so sorry about what you're going through. What you really need right now are others who understand. There's always someone to talk to on the TuD "chatline".
More hugs, more hugs! I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, lindalu. Both Diabetes and Depression are major life changing illnesses that take a lot of attention and make life hard, and when you have both they definitely compound the difficulty. But both are manageable illnesses, though it may not feel so to you right at this moment.
One thing I want to respectfully say is that out of control blood sugars make you feel bad physically and our body and mind are connected so they make you feel bad mentally as well. Unfortunately when you have Major Depression, managing your blood sugars seems like an insurmountable task and so it's a vicious cycle.
I want to echo youngatheart that getting help for your depression is very important an it will affect literally everything for the better. You might have done this in the past so you know it takes time and effort which might seem in short supply. But your title "I need help" means you've taken the first step! I agree that counseling and medication as appropriate will truly help. And I also encourage you to be patient as it takes time to find the right therapist and begin the process, and it also often takes time to find the right medication at the right dose and many people give up if it doesn't happen quickly. I recommend seeing a Psychiatrist who is more knowledgeable about different meds for depression than is your PCP.
Getting help tends to reinforce itself. So once you start the process it will get easier. It's easy especially with Type 1 Diabetes to get overwhelmed by all the things we need to do and so just don't do anything. So pick one thing to change. If you've not been testing your blood sugar, start testing after meals (one meal if you need to start with that!). Do that regularly for awhile then go on to the next thing. If you've been eating poorly, work on improving one meal or start just by shopping and having D friendly foods in the house you can easily eat without lots of prep, like cheese, cold cuts if you eat meat, nuts, and snack friendly vegies. Make a small start on your emotional well being and a small start on your D then come tell us about it!
Finally I agree that contact with other PWD's is so valuable. But I want to go a step beyond cyberspace and suggest you contact your local JDRF branch and see what activities or groups they have available. It is so worthwhile to talk to other people who really get it. Depression is a disease of isolation, and isolation makes us more depressed. So call a friend, a relative, and go and spend time with them even if you don't really feel like it, or play with a child, their joy at simple things can be contagious.
Please be hopeful; it can and will get better. ::::more hugs::::: Zoe
I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time and feeling so low. I think like everyone said the first thing is to address the swinging bg and your depression because they make everything seem so much worse. I'm so sorry your husband did that and it is horrible and irresponsible. I hope that it will end up being a good thing in the long run and that you will meet someone much nicer and kinder who will stick by you. You have your two children who really need you and who would be devastated if anything happened to you so hang in there. Do you think you can take a break from work for a while to work on stabilizing things?
Hi Meee, A great suggestion. I actually did that last year for 2 months. And it was around this time,come to think of it. Lots of stress. I just need to de stress more than I have. Of course,my boss yelling at me yesterday did not help. One day at a time..
Thank you!!
Hugs Linda: That supervisor is way out of line legally too as they are supposed to make reasonable accommodation. The fact that she came right out and told you verbally that she was discriminating against you due to diabetes; document it, date time and what was said, maybe talk to ADA or attorney in advance in case she becomes more threatening re your job. Depression is tough to deal with without a therapist you can relate to and I would take meds until you are feeling better. If meds don't work for you they can switch them, may take a while to find the right medication. You are a survivor, very courageous. I'm sure you can beat this. I can see you are still mourning end of your marriage but from my vantage point you are well rid of him; you do have two children you love. I hope you feel better, physically and mentally. But give it time.
I've been type 1 for 55 years. I just retired as a hospital floor nurse this past March after 30 years of being a nurse. When we first moved to the area we live in now my blood sugars would bottom out whenever I was under stress. Considering we'd moved to a new town, I was starting a new job on a cardiac/transplant floor(not my med/surg area) I was constantly bottoming out to the point of unawareness at work and waking up in our emergency room, with my husband standing there after they called him at home to come get me. My head nurse pushed me into the path of one of the best diabetes specialists in our town, I made an appointment with him and was given time off to help get myself in control. You are lucky,as I was, to have a supervisor who is willing to give you time to get yourself together. That doesn't happen often. When I left that hospital and went to finish my career at another the nurses didn't understand about type 1 and the highs, lows and problems coping in the work environment. Make an appointment with the doctor who helps you treat your diabetes and see if you all can come up with a treatment plan to help decrease the extremities between the highs and lows. I totally understand the way that work stress wreaks havoc on diabetics. And always consider your children and the love you all have for each other. My child is one of the major reasons I do my best to try to manage my diabetes (and truly it's like trying to manage a wild bucking horse.)Finally here is a BIG HUG and a kiss. You are not alone in all this all though sometimes it might feel like it...there are lots of us out here who have experienced some if not all of the feelings you are having. XOXOXO
