when I was diagnosed at 9 years young that this auto Immune condition called diabetes was going to completely destroy my life. Wake up, feel like hell, test, shoot, eat, feel like hell… repeat every 4 hrs.
Gary, I do hope that you are getting some counseling. None of us chooses to have Type 1, but few of us are dealing with such negativity as you. You need help, probably more than we can give you on this board. I’m so sorry you struggle so much with diabetes, but my impression is that depression or other mental issues need addressing as much or more than your diabetes.
Hmmm… I never heard of anyone with mental illness to feel like hell all day. How accepting would you be if you felt like hell all day and there was no solution? As I said… Wake up, feel like hell, test, shoot, eat, feel like hell… repeat every 4 hrs. When someone can actually change this concept I’m all ears. Though most here and about may not be as verbal about it as I am trust me there are many out there living with it that are just as disturbed as I am.
Gary I get it.
You’ve never heard of anyone with mental illness to feel like hell all day??? Trust me, I have. In a way that is the definition of many mental illnesses. Life feels hopeless, everything is doomed, there is no way out. On the other hand I’ve known people with severe physical illness who kept positive attitudes until the day they died. I absolutely agree with Lathump. You need help for your emotional ills and then your physical issues will fall into place. Not sure how many different ways we can tell you this before you will hear us.
Sometimes I think that damn DCCT study was the worst thing that ever happened to T1’s like us. The doc’s approach and say, in a sinister voice: “You think life was tough before? Wait til you you see what you need to do now! Muahahaha” (or if they didn’t say it like that, it sure is the way it was received).
I don’t think you’ve got depression or other mental issues, I just think you’ve surrounded yourself by the wrong people. Perhaps the wrong medical team; perhaps people who have given up on you; perhaps nobody at all who can understand and relate. Sometimes when we’re depressed, role models help. For me, it’s Bobby Clark - former player and GM of the Philadelphia Flyers hockey team. Or Bret Michaels - a hard-rocking musician who survived the temptations of drugs and alcohol. Or even Kerri Sparling of sixuntilme.com, who always seems upbeat, full of humor and energetic, yet deals with the same crap we all have to face on a daily basis. If they can do it, why can’t I?
The truth is that every little improvement in control yields a big improvement in how you feel. After awhile, that might motivate you to take the next baby step. Or maybe not. To me, it sounds like you’re hanging on to the last car of a speeding roller-coaster trying to pull yourself into a seat, and just when you get close, the coaster goes 'round another loop and you’re back to grasping for dear life by your fingertips. Once you are able to pull yourself in that seat, the ride still ain’t over, but it’s a hell of a lot easier and bearable. So find someone who can help you and/or motivate you and see if you can’t do a little better on that test-shoot-eat part. Then the feel-like-hell part won’t be so bad.
I managed a 24-hour mental health crisis intervention clinic. We had a long list of clients who called in 3-4 times a day, every day, for years. So, yes, mental illness can make a person feel like hell all day.
You say there’s no solution, but you’re not willing to try counseling which may help. Since you want to feel better, what do you have to lose?
Be all ears to the suggestion you’ve heard here many times.
Guy’s I appreciate all the support and I’m really not expecting anyone one here nor anywhere else to help though I wish they could. I’m just like Karen and our body chemistry for some reason despises diabetes more then the average diabetic. The only thing I will admit they you could correlate to mental is in general I despise hearing about other peoples happiness and pleasures especially when I feel so hopeless about my own situation and life and when my sugars are driving me nuts( which they usually are) It’s beyond frustrating to hear about it. I am a rather envious person and always suffered from low self esteem. I really don’t have to explain much in regard to that. Part of my job requires dealing with the public in rather social environment. I’m like the local bartender at residential UPS down the street. I deal with a lot of people with utter wealth and kids in college so it’s very difficult to be around it bragging about how well they are doing and what trip they just got back from. You get the picture. I’m not stupid to think that’s remotely most peoples existence yet I tend look that side of the coin rather then the other. Still as bad as things can get for some people most people do experience some pleasures throughout their lives but with this condition I just can’t see how that is possible at least in my world.
My dearest Gary… I cannot BEGIN to imagine how difficult your physical situation is… I do not , as many who post here, have the intensity of emotional effects from high or low blood sugar swings;nor do I have the almost neurotic-like reactions you describe. So I do not know what that feels like
You made a statement, though, that I know what it feels like though: I am a rather envious person and always suffered from low self esteem
When I was younger, I always compared myself to others and always came up on the short end of the stick" I am not as organized nor competent as the rest of the people’, I cannot cook as well as my mother", I do not have a husband and I am over 40, there must be something WRONG with me"… You get the drift. I got over this by reaching out to others. helping them and not thinking that life was unfair, and truly believing that I am NOT junk and was created for a reason, A GOOD REASON.
I recently retired from a career as a Public school spoeech Pathologist. Many of my students had a variety of disabiities… Some were born with a vaierty of serious medical conditionss, some of which rendered them munable to walk, to talk, to feed themselves and a few even ALL of the above conditions together… However. I loved working with these kids, They were for the most part, cheerful, engaging and did not look at others with envy or jealousy. I loved every minute of working with my most challengedd kids. Their parents, for the most part, though carrying a very heavy burden for taking care of special needs kids, had a pleasant dispostion in spite of their difficulties.
Maybe yourGOOD REASON is to be an encourager and helper to others on your job and an informer of all the diabetes research info you have to others… You are very good at both your jobs. Take pride in your good reasons even when you are feeling bad, if you can , Know that the emotiniallity WILL pass as it always does. Your roles in life are imoortant and your self-esteem is not based on what trip you last took or what car or house you can afford.
I do not hav a link, but look at the recent interview with Rogert Ebert, the TV and fl.m critic, on msnbc. He has lost most of his jaw, the ability to eat and drink, and to speak; due to cancer in his jaw and the subsequent surgeries. He still writes and reviews movies aand appears to be at peace. Even warm, loving and funny. What I am saying to you, Gary is to not envy others… Look at how people who have, what appears to us as such distressing conditions to live with, yet they live and are not can live and not be jealous of us.
Honey it is all in your perpsective. You do not have to envy others. You do not have to suffer from low self-esteem. Sometimes we dig a pit for ourselves, multiple pits, and keep falling in them, staying in them, rather than walking around them.
God Bless,
Brunetta
I’ve read a lot of your post Gary and all I can say is Hang in there man. I know sometimes when I’m down it really bothers me when people talk to me about what seem like trivial life events. When my spirits go up it doesn’t really bug me or I more able to overlook those things. Best of Luck and I hope you are able to find a way to handle your issues.
I am sorry for all the typos and bold-face in my lengthy response to you Gary. I did not have time to edit as well I would have liked. But please know that I really want you to see the “other side of the coin”.
God Bless,
Brunetta
Yesterday I had my drilling done for my second crown. As I was sitting in my seat before the novocaine shot I excused myself, went to bathroom to test and my sugar was 268. Not a good scenario. I took a quickie in the bathroom and explained to my dentist I needed time for the sugar to come down. He has always been super cool and accomodated me with the diabetes. He started drilling about 40 after the shot and my heart started racing right away. I told him to stop and give me another ten minutes. I finally was able deal with it but it was real uncomfortable. It just interferes with everything. All I am asking for is to be comfortable phyically and mentally and I really don’t see how that is possible with anything but relatively normal stable blood sugars. I know I keep repeating the same stuff over and over but its so difficult to face the day and try to accept that if my sugars don’t run well I’m in total distress.
Gary, I hear ya. This disease sucks. I think it sucks for so many reasons, if only because it can be so mind-boggling and difficult to control. And unlike so many other diseases, where it’s docs making the treatment decisions, WE are the ones forced to be our own doctors. We have to make our own decisions about how and when to treat. And the treatment is constant, something few outsiders really understand.
But, I try to look at it this way - 90 years ago, I would have been dead. There was no insulin back then. 40 years ago, I would have been unable to monitor my BG level at home and would likely be dead already or have some severe complications. But I am 33 and relatively healthy. Yes, there are definitely days that I feel like crap. But I work hard to NOT let it destroy my life or my relationships with other people. It’s not easy, I admit.
The one thing I prefer about diabetes compared to many other chronic conditions is that I at least don’t need a doctor to tell me what to do. On many levels, it’s an easy disease to manage in the sense that we have tools at our immediate disposal to deal with it. We generally don’t have to go to the hospital or doctor for treatment. Hell, I went two years without an endo once!
Hang in there and just know that there are many people here who feel exactly as you do. We all have to test, shoot (or bolus), feel like hell, eat, etc.
gary i totally get it and i think all of us on this site do too. we all have different levels of complications and we all have different levels of depression. we all handle things differently and some of us control it by diet, some by shots and some by pumps. i just started the pump a month ago. i have very brittle diabetes with gastroparesis which make trying to get in control of sugars nearly impossible. if youre really all ear and have an open mind id love to talk to you but you really are negative and you need to be willing to turn that around. its a much better happier way to live when you do!
we are all here with open ears and big hearts hoping to help!
When I knocked my teeth out, I started feeling a bit low after the doc had been carving away for a while and snuck out to the bathroom as, if I were low I didn’t want to eat in front of him and get him riled up about messing up his work. I looked like the dude from the Pogues in the mirror as he’d filed the two busted teeth down to little, pointy fangs. I am still disappointed that I didn’t have the presence of mind to take a picture of it.
I was diagnosed at 9 as well and also had NO concept that I would still have this disease as an adult.
Diabetes does suck in many ways. I think a lot of successful diabetes management is dealing with mental and emotional issues. And I don’t necessarily mean serious problems like depression, either, just day-to-day frustration, burnout, and generally getting along with something none of us want but we have to deal with every few hours of every day of our lives.
I do think, if you have NO happiness in your life, it would be wise to talk to a counsellor or therapist of some sort. They might not be able to fix how you feel physically with diabetes, but they might be able to help you find ways to cope with it better and be happy in life. I cannot imagine life with no happiness; it would be a nightmare.
Everyone has issues or problems they are dealing with, even those who on the outside appear to have perfect lives. Many people live with conditions far more debilitating than diabetes and yet find ways to push through and be happy. Talking to a counsellor can’t possibly do any harm, and it may well help you … so why not give it a try?
excellent analogy! and great advice… im gonna take it! thanks
i feel that you have gotten a lot of great advice here. if you can pick pieces that you think you can from here it may help you. maybe pick up brett michael book. seek counseling. i still believe you def have some depression. it is very common with people with chronic illnesses of any kind especially diabetes. people just have no idea how overwhelming it can be. i feel for you so much. depression can actually cause physical pain. did you know that. so maybe that is why you are feeling so bad too? i just dont know what else to say but i wish i could take away your pain.
Our hearing loss group, has a quote a month, this one was…
“Everyone thinks his sack heaviest.”
by George Herbert 1593 - 1633
English clergyman and poet.
It amazed me that someone from so far back could write something so true even 400 years later.
Maybe your suffering has a purpose. Maybe that purpose is to be of help and an inspiration to others after you find your way.
Mary
Gary…you may not have known anyone with mental illnesses, in which case your statement is simply from assumption. I have adopted mentally ill children, and believe me they can feel like hell all day. Thought disorders, paranoia, psychosis, developmental delays, OCD, etc. do make life hell. Even they can have some enjoyment and fun through their disorders though. I have no suggestions for you other than those I and others have reiterated a number of times.