Ignoring It

I’m so annoyed with myself. I think that I dove into the diabetes thing too quickly and got information overload, and now I have lost my motivation. I have hardly been testing. I have been just eating whatever. I haven’t been keeping track of ANYTHING.

I am nearly finished with Gretchen’s book (it’s supposed to take a year and I read most of it in a week – probably part of the problem). I got 3/4 through Dr. Bernstein’s book and put it aside because I don’t think it is necessary for me to restrict my carbs that much, based on BG numbers.

But I haven’t lost weight (haven’t gained either), and I feel like I’m letting control slip away right when I was getting started.

I have the tendency to be a perfectionist. I have slight OCD. I think part of the problem is I have not found a really good solution for logging my food intake and BG together. I’ve been waiting for the perfect solution to come along and it has paralyzed me.

So I’m not sure what I’m going to do. If you have suggestions I would love to hear them. I have some ideas about what I should do. I’ll be thinking about it today and I may update later.

Oh, I also found out that I didn’t get pregnant this cycle, which kind of makes me sad. I bet poor control had something to do with it, as it was a medically managed cycle and had a good chance of working otherwise. Sigh…

I use a big pad of lined paper. I draw columns: time, bg, bolus, carbs. then I have a lot of room on the side for notes, rants, what food I ate,etc. I also have Accu-check Aviva meters and their pump, which use infrared to send all the data to a palm pilot, and my computer. so if I’m away from home or if I want to take a vacation from my big pad, I still have all my numbers.Of course, I’ve had type1 for 41 years, and I am having a lot of trouble right now, so I’m testing all the time whether I feel like it or not.

so, I say, just DO it!
(your a1c is very good! you want to keep it that way to have a baby)

THanks Marie! I am really REALLY resisting the idea of paper only, because I have terrible writing and it would just be another thing to carry around. Plus I’m almost always by a computer. Plus then I would have to look up all the damn carb and calorie values by hand. But I may just have to do it, huh?

I found a site this morning that I am exploring called NutriHand that seems to do what I need. I can even upload CSV from my glucometer to it. There is a free ‘basic’ version and a $7.95/mo version (for an annual subscription) that would even let me track recipes and other things. I am seriously thinking about it.

Hi Misty! I had a similar beginning to my life with diabetes. I dove in head first. I showed up at my first endo appointment with all my blood sugar numbers and wanting explanations for every one of them. My endo (who is actually very strict and diligent with her patients) told me that I HAVE to calm down. She said that I was heading for burn out.

That was five years ago. And I can report that since then I have gone in waves of meticulous control and being far too laid back about it (switching back and forth every 2-4 months). Only recently it happened that I found a lifestyle that i can LIVE with. I got my A1c down (not as low as some people manage with low carb), but to a level that I find good. And I am eating a balanced diet that includes some things that I love… OK, I have a lot that I could do to improve (like start exercising…). But it was really important for me to GIVE UP on being perfect.

I am a bit of a control freak (read: a complete control freak). I think of diabetes management like time management. Are you able to be 100% efficient with your work ALL the time??? No-- we all have some inefficient days, wasted time, poor planning,… That happens with diabetes management too. So I think that it is important to find a balance between what you “should” do and what is manageable for you now. At least that what works for my personality!!

That is really great advice, Kristin. Thank you!

Haha I love you debb! We are kindred spirits.

Argh! I just erased my whole reply accidentally while trying to edit it. Funny – because the gist of the comment was that I have the semi-OCD thing going on too, and now my OCD-ness has caused me to lose an entire post while going back in search of one comma that probably would’ve been just fine where it was.

ANYwho. I was just going to say that I’ve found my tendency toward obsession (only over some things) to be a huge boon in the management of my diabetes. What better condition for me to have than one that requires a meticulous accounting of every gram of carbohydrate, every moment of exercise, sleep, illness, periods, vacations, BG levels, etc. etc. …? It’s actually been very empowering for me to feel like this weird trait of mine is good for something besides proofreading cereal boxes (especially since I can’t eat cereal anymore).

You might find this discussion about food journaling worth a read: http://tinyurl.com/4joqsw There’s a link in my comment there about the notebook I use to log all of my information in (I still really really -heart- that book), plus lots of other good comments there, too. I love having my records on paper, because I’m a doodler who spends all day on a computer, so it’s fun to have a place where I can draw as well as write. It’s become almost more like a sketchbook sometimes.