...in case you missed me...

So I've decided to get back in to writing blogs and connecting with beets people via the world wide web because I've been having a hard time lately. None of my friends and family exactly know what I'm going through, so it's hard for them to help. I think it would be beneficial to talk to you guys, since you know what it's like.

I need a change. A healthy change. My diabetes has been far from in check lately, and I can't seem to shake my junk food cravings/habits. I know everything there is to know about healthy eating, and I used to be SO good at doing it, but right now I just can't get motivated. I SHOULD be, I am getting married in a little over 5 months, dress fitting in 3, and we want to start trying for kids soon after, so I know that I need to be back to where I was before.

The worst part, is that when I do eat the junk, I'm not taking the proper dosage of insulin because maybe then I won't gain the weight. I'm almost too ashamed to write that, but maybe someone is going through the same thing and they can offer advice.

I feel like I've been screaming for help, but apparantly not loud enough. My fiance gets mad at me when my blood sugar sky rockets (a lot lately) and he doesn't understand that when it's that high and I feel sick, I need support the most. What I don't need is someone yelling at me saying how simple my disease is. I know that his anger and frustration is because he wants me to be healthy and around with him for the rest of our long lives. He's as frustrated as I am, but I don't think he quite gets the way diabetes affects my ENTIRE life.

I need a break, but I can't take one. I need someone to understand, but it's hard for them. I need support in more ways than, "it will be okay". So this is where YOU come in.

Got any advice to offer? Stories to tell? Need a beets friend? I'll be here!

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same boat and cannot seem to snap out of this craziness. My last a1c, in august, was the lowest ever...6.9 (still not perfect in my mind, but much better than usual) and every single day since then i feel myself getting less and less controlled. sometimes, i confess, it is my junk food cravings (chocolate, peanut butter, something like that) but other times, most times, it really IS NOT MY FAULT. and those times, my friend, are the worst ones because they are the hardest to explain. I have switched up my regimen a lot, vegeterian, vegan, low car, low fat, whatever the hell seems to help that week....but the truth is, the only thing i need is support!!! tudiabetes saves my life everytime i feel like breaking down!

One thing your fiance needs to realize is that DIABETES IS NOT A SIMPLE DISEASE and also that he needs to support you now and definitely when you are a married couple. You can't do it alone. A lot of times you just get so tired of the day in and day out ritual that you don't want to do it anymore. Almost like ignoring everything will make your diabetes go away and you won't have to deal with it. There's the theory on the 5 stages of grieving that most people associate with death, but I believe it applies to handling a chronic disease as well. You can jump back and forth between being able to accept it and just wanting to give up. At those points you need someone who can support without yelling and making you feel like a failure.

I understand how you feel. For the past year I have been struggling with diabetes and I can't seem to get back on the wagon. When I was first diagnosed (it will be 4 years ago in January) I was so good about eating healthy and counting carbs. But now I have a 2 year old and its harder for me to take the time for myself. I have a really bad sweet tooth and I have given in to eating junk food all the time. I feel like I've lost my way and I need help finding it again. So today I decided to log in to Tudiabetes for the first time in almost a year. I feel like connecting with people "like me" helps me find a little bit of reassurance that others are going through the same thing and I am not alone. Its hard for spouses/family/friends to understand exactly what we go through every day and sometimes I feel really alone with my diabetes. So I'm going to get back to logging in daily to Tudiabetes to hopefully motivate me to stay on track and start caring about my diabetes and getting it under control! Maybe we can help motivate each other!!! :)

Because of the high sugar, fat and salt content, these flavours hit the taste buds first and such food becomes addictive. You need to shed these habits if you want to become a mother and live a healthy life. Be strong, keep away from where the junk food is sold! Take care.

I agree with BriannaM ... Sometimes we just get sick and tired of dealing with it all and sometimes just give up for awhile. Hopefully not for too long. Don't beat yourself up though, we all do it from time to time, hopefully you have enough emotional support around you to snap out of it before you do more damage. Just know that there are others out there right now feeling and going through what you are... myself included... maybe we both need a kick in the pants right now! LOL take care!

I still have a huge potato chip addiction but I found out that when I eat spinach, broccoli, etc. I feel better. I hate to admit my mom was right but veggies are good food. I still find stray carbs but I always try to count them and get the insulin in there as that also will improve your performance when it's "showtime" as a bride, mom, person, whatever!

hi there, first of all him saying this is a simple disease is a huge put down to you and all you deal with day to day i would sit down and have a heart to heart about how that makes you feel, after being married for 15 plus years alot gets said or assumed without real communication, so i would work on honest communication and helping him to get you and understand what you need as well as outlining what he needs and how this can all work out, obviously i never really did this but am learning now. we just assume they know what we need and vise versa a vicious cycle. my son says the same thing you always say it is going to be ok.. i really can be at a loss as to what to say when he is struggling at 14 there is the whole strive for independence thing going on, how to support without hovering and making him feel heard. we should all come with a manual, however we all need to do self searching to create that manual!! best wishes on your marriage and coping with your D, you are not alone, we get you and understand! amy

Oh been there with my hubby (we've been married for 28 years now and he gets so flustrated with me and my bs's I wind up getting yelled at)I know it's hard to do but u just have to ignore him and get urself on tract. I do. Honey I'm sorry for that I really am!!! I just don't know what to say to u there I know u love him and what he says hurts but be sure to tell him he knows NOTHING about being A D and u hope (thought at times) he never has to deal with it. No it's not that"simple" we wish it was but it's not. may look easy to someone without it but it's now. Good luck hon U CAN DO THIS!