Hey I know it's been awhile since I wrote, but I have a lot to write and a lot to say so be prepared :). My numbers have been like a roller coaster with this whole moving thing and traveling. It's so hard dealing with other people sometime when you're not in your comfort zone. All they want to do is stop by fast food ALL the time and it's like I don't need and don't WANT to eat that ALL the time. Their answer is always well they have salad. Don't I look like I want a freaking salad all the time? I am a full figured woman who eats healthy and like meat (beside pork). Enough of that venting.......lol.
I have finally moved to Virginia and is in the process of trying to get settled and finding a job. I have found a doctor who is also my whole family doc so I love her. She had referred me to a specialist for my kidneys and my diabetes. I'm so nervous to see the kidney specialist on Wednesday. The medication still is making enough of the protein go away which means my kidneys are failing. I just feel like when I take 3 steps forward I'm knocked back 2! I feel so defeat.
Last night I broke down for the first time in SO long. I just cried and cried and cried. My crys were different this time. They wasn't why me at all. I guess I have came to the conclusion that I can't ask that I have diabetes and that's blank, point, period, the end. This time it was what can I do? What do you want me to do? I want to live! To my friends I know this will sound surprising because I'm always the one with the big smile laughing and joking. Behind that smile is a lot of pain. I know feeling sorry for yourself will never get you no where. I am determined to be a forensic accountant and to graduate from college. This break from college is just that a break. It's not a set back or a hold back I WILL FINISH. I don't care how much this diabetes make me sick I WILL complete college. I don't care if I have to do college homework and test from a hospital bed I WILL complete college.
I know before I moved Tudiabetes gave me hope and I'm hoping to get that back because there are alot of people out there with the same problems and same but different stories. Honestly gives you hope. If anyone wants to talk sometime I will be more than happy to talk. Sometimes that one special person makes a world difference. Love yall!
Oh boy I have felt like that before and all I can say is you have an inner strength which will help you through, and all you can do is face each day armed with as much information as possible and do the best you can hon, we’re all right here behind you :0)
Wow felt that way today. Cried and told myself why me. I now have to go to a specialist because now my joints are hurting so bad. Might have RA. I know what you mean. I was just getting used to the diabetes.
Thanks everyone! @Mrs Apple I’m so sorry to hear that you might have RA. I get pains i my back and legs all the time if I’m just standing of sitting for a short period of time. Been too scared to mention it to my doc. Just know it’s ok to cry when I was first diagnosed I promised that’s all I did for the first 2 weeks then I went into a state of denial. Just know you’re not alone and if you need someone to talk to I’m hear and so many other people. If you ever feel like giving up just write.
@lotsofshots yes I do have a lot of stress but i’m dealing with it the best way I know how. Thanks for the welcome…lol I used to live here, but recentley moved back to stay with my parents to get more help. I was so hard headed and determined to be independant and do everything on my own. Didn’t want any help but learned that it’s ok to get help sometimes. Thanks for the words of incouragement.
@lou you’re completely right. Thanks for those kind words sometimes that’s all it takes for me to smile. To remind me that I’m not alone in this daily battle.
Hi Jazz!
I hope all went well with your move!
I am not really sure what to say except, I am here when you need someone to talk to. It’s ok to cry… it’s not because you are feeling sorry for yourself – it’s just good and healthy to get all of that anguish out. I must have given myself a good cry a few times since diagnosed.
Now, all I am looking forward to is my future in this world. What I have to give and what type of impact I might have.
I sorta am in the same boat as you are – I haven’t seen my endo these past 3 months and I’m nervous… I haven’t been doing well with my bg#s – it’s been a roller coaster & there is no one to blame but me. I think part of it has to do with the stress I deal at work… well… we’ll see what happens, right?
I hope your dr appointment goes well… keep me posted? And of course I am here if you need me!!
Sigh, Jazz…sounds like my inner voice is speaking to me right off the page. I don’t have failing kidney’s…yet. kidney problems run in my family so I am aware of the struggle. The T2 next door to me had a kidney transplant a year and a half ago and is now driving me crazy with all the lawn mowing and home repair projects he saved up for a time when he actually had the energy. I am seeing a physical terrorist for my second bout with frozen shoulder and I’ve been able to work thru some trigger finger problems so I encourage folks to speak up with the aches and pains - sometimes there are things that can ease the problem. As for the fast food…you are probably on some diet recommendations for the kidney so I won’t go there…you are home now so pamper yourself with what you need - it’s all about you girl, the family has to make some room. Are you doing internet classes? I’ve found that’s the only way for me to have a schedule flexible enough for me to deal with the D issues and family commitments…PS, thats a great photo!
Thanks Jazz I will take you up on that, and the same goes for you write anytime. I am glad you are back with family. I am also away from family. I am in California and they are in Texas. I would move back but my boys are used to being in California. They are the only thing that keep me here. I know your family will be great help.
Jazz,
I am a pre-diabetic but I want to scream at times when I wake up in the morning and my sugars are well over 100. I know that I am not at your point but I feel for you because some of my family members are diabetics too. I am with you in the fast food lane. I just refuse to go. Too much fat, too much salt and who wants to eat salads all the time and the salad dressings leave a lot to be desired. I am tired of only being able to have a diet coke instead of other diet drinks. I don’t want the caffeine, not diet coke or pepsi. How about some fresh lemonade or iced tea made with splenda or equal? Some people I associate with don’t know about my diabetes and constantly bring in things that will raise my bg, but I take a small piece of something so I won’t hurt their feelings and say that I just finished a big meal and will save it for later in the day. I refuse to eat what others want me to eat when I am on my regiment.
I am 61 and completing my degree, finally. Don’t give up your dream of finishing college, you go girl!!! So you took a break, pick it up and finish where you left off. Let no one dampen your dreams and that includes that dreaded diabetes. We often smile on the outside but are torn on the inside. We want someone to blame when no one is to blame. We learn to adjust to it an go on. I feel as you do.Best of luck to you.
