I am writing from the comfort of my brothers closet. It smells like my dad. For those who don’t know his closet is my “hiding place”, the place where I go to be alone and where I can think about things.
It is about ten minutes to six in the morning in the Chicago area.I haven’t really slept much in the last three days.I have just really been feeling like crap. I know I don’t do well with winter time of the year since I was 6 and my dad died during that time of the year. And doesn’t look like the snow and winter will be leaving the area anytime soon so I may be in this funk for just a little while longer.
To add to this funk, I got an A1C that I just am not liking right now. It is a 10.6!! That is up and I mean up from the last one. The last one was in September of last year and it was 5.1. Now, September is the month that my husband and my step-dad both died in. This new A1C has me in a funk even more.
Between September of last year and January this year I have had brain surgery again. I have also lost over 100 pounds without even trying to. I only weigh 90 pounds now. Having lows like there is no tomorrow. Didn’t really want to do anything at all. My doctor wants me to put on some weight. My friend P told me I need to put some meat on my bones now.
I am now to the point that I want to change things. I need to change things. I am tired of feeling like crap all day and having my family worried about me. Today is a new day of me. I’m going to start by writing everything down. Starting with all my bg readings. When ever I test I will be writing it down. I think this will help with the A1C thing although I think that the stress of everything that was going on at that time for me may have had a hand in the higher A1C. As far as the putting on some weight that my doctor wants me to do I don’t have an idea of where to start with that. I am also going to start doing something that my shrink has been at me to do. Talk things out and not keep everything inside to myself. I am starting that now with this blog.
Life has been kind of ■■■■■■ lately. But this is where that is going to end. I am going to do all that I can to make that happen.