In A Bad Place And Trying To Turn Things Around

I am writing from the comfort of my brothers closet. It smells like my dad. For those who don’t know his closet is my “hiding place”, the place where I go to be alone and where I can think about things.

It is about ten minutes to six in the morning in the Chicago area.I haven’t really slept much in the last three days.I have just really been feeling like crap. I know I don’t do well with winter time of the year since I was 6 and my dad died during that time of the year. And doesn’t look like the snow and winter will be leaving the area anytime soon so I may be in this funk for just a little while longer.

To add to this funk, I got an A1C that I just am not liking right now. It is a 10.6!! That is up and I mean up from the last one. The last one was in September of last year and it was 5.1. Now, September is the month that my husband and my step-dad both died in. This new A1C has me in a funk even more.

Between September of last year and January this year I have had brain surgery again. I have also lost over 100 pounds without even trying to. I only weigh 90 pounds now. Having lows like there is no tomorrow. Didn’t really want to do anything at all. My doctor wants me to put on some weight. My friend P told me I need to put some meat on my bones now.

I am now to the point that I want to change things. I need to change things. I am tired of feeling like crap all day and having my family worried about me. Today is a new day of me. I’m going to start by writing everything down. Starting with all my bg readings. When ever I test I will be writing it down. I think this will help with the A1C thing although I think that the stress of everything that was going on at that time for me may have had a hand in the higher A1C. As far as the putting on some weight that my doctor wants me to do I don’t have an idea of where to start with that. I am also going to start doing something that my shrink has been at me to do. Talk things out and not keep everything inside to myself. I am starting that now with this blog.

Life has been kind of ■■■■■■ lately. But this is where that is going to end. I am going to do all that I can to make that happen.

After everything you’ve been through, don’t see how you wouldn’t have a higher A1c. You’ll be back to where you were before. Yea, it’s demoralizing & upsetting. The doc who took you off insulin didn’t help matters. It’s his A1c, not yours.

Am with you on hating winter. Wish I could hibernate until the sun comes out again. Long gray days are too depressing. Have no energy during the dark months.

You’d better put some meat on those bones pronto! Protein & more protein is the way to go. Please eat, honey.

Great plan to write everything & talk. Sending big hugs!

(((( Hey there )))) - I’m with you on the winter bit - I try to like it - but heck - sun on my skin - bare toes - what’s not to love about warmer weather. Maybe we should all pitch in $$$'s and buy an island somewhere in a warmer place.

Like others are saying here - you’ve been thru’ a shitload of stuff that’s wacked you hard. Sometimes I wonder why we go thru’ these things - that hit us hard - but I think it makes us grow stronger. That’s what I think - but my brain is on abit of a simpleton side of figuring things out to try to make things level.

Keeping a journal is a good thing as well. If I could show you some of the things I’ve written over the years - you’d wonder if I shouldn’t be in a purple polka dotted lime green straight jacket - but I keep on plugging along - as I hope you will as well.

Like Gerri says - protein will pack on some more weight for your body! I guess to with your weight loss, you don’t need as much insulin - so hopefully you’ve got a good team by your side helping you to adjust things.

Anna, count me in on the island! Members who live where it’s sunny & warm need not apply. How cool would it be to have our own D island. No food police, everyone would understand how others felt, we could even have a low patrol. Ok, now I’m fantasizing about our very own tropical paradise. Aaaah.

Even better!

I want to be on the D island:) I hope its beachy and warm and sunny there:) I want to meet others with it, share stories, and laugh and cry together. We can all get together and write a Book:) oh dear that book would weigh a TON:) hehe…
Now you have my sick body ready to dream about a D paradise:)

Sunny I think I have read that book I can’t say for sure. I will continue to write.

“The doc who took you off insulin didn’t help matters. It’s his A1c, not yours.” Gerri, I like that. It is his A1C and not mine. To put some meat on my bones add more protein. Got it. I am eating just not three meals a day like my doctor wants me to. At the most I am getting two in a day. Thanks for the hugs!!

FatCatAnna I do have a good team. They have had to do some major adjustments. You can count me in on that island. Can we leave D off the island? If so, just let me know when, where, and how much is needed and I will be there.

All this talk about a D island has made me forget about the winter for a little bit. I have even opened the door to my hiding place. Hismouse, we all can dream a little =) The book may weigh a TON but it will sure make for a good read!

Hey FatCatAnna, have any idea where you want this island to be. Really in need of it now.