God, I don’t test my blood as much as I should, I don’t count my carbs like I should, I don’t stay away from the sweets I like (at least I add extra insulin when I eat anything I KNOW will raise my blood sugar), and I am over weight. Is this normal? Are other diabetics like me? I am scared as hell about loosing my legs, loosing my eyesight, dying a horrible death - so WHY won’t I do what I am supposed to do? Yes, I know better. No, I shouldn’t eat a cheeseburger every night at 11:30 PM…so why does my husband bring them to me? Why do I ask him to bring them to me? Yes, I should get my ■■■ out of bed before 9:00 every morning and go to the gym (at my university…everything you could ask for to get a good workout). It makes me feel so good after my workout, so why don’t I go more than 6 times per month? I know that I am diabetic. I know that if I don’t change I will really regret it in about 10 years. Why can’t I change? Why am I in a fully aware denial? This can’t be normal.
I think you are mixing up diabetes with being female. I just today read that something like 2/3 of all women have eating disorders. Plain old ordinary women. Having diabetes just raises the stakes for what happens when you get into the grip of eating disorders.
But here’s what I’ve learned that might be helpful: When your blood sugar is rocketing up and plummeting down, it makes for ravenous hunger. Crazy making, “I gotta eat or I’m gonna die” hunger.
But this is the key. It isn’t moral weakness or self-destructiveness. That HUNGER IS A SYMPTOM.
For me the only way to deal with it is to do what I can to flatten out those blood sugars because when they aren’t flat, I eat. And Eat. And eat. My guy wants to make me happy, too. So he brings home pastry and gets into the “one bite won’t kill you” thing. He really does love me but he does not understand that if I tell him, “one bite of that leads to 2,273 more bites of it” I’m not just being cute.
So treat the hunger and bad eating as a symptom that you are getting those horrible high blood sugar swings and maybe too much insulin too, which also makes for hunger. And that the point of getting back into control is not to punish yourself or take all the fun out of life, but to feel better and free yourself from the eating habits that are not going to be good for you long term.
Also, if you are running high a lot, that makes you more insulin resistant, and then injecting a lot of insulin will make you gain weight.
I am very insulin sensitive (I have MODY) but I gained 30 lbs in less than 2 years when my blood sugars started staying in the mid-200s all day long and I was starving all the time. It wasn’t until I flattened the blood sugars by cutting way down on the carbs that I was able to stop that whole disaster.
Marietta~I stuggle with the same things also. I keep trying to get better at it and try not to look back to the mistakes I made yesterday and do better today. But, I continually beat myself up because I continue to be overweight and eat the wrong things sometimes. My food choices have gotten better for the most part…but the weight is still not coming off even though I exercise more and eat better. I guess I am just not doing enough. I get so discouraged. That’s partly why I came here, to stay aware and accountable and to learn from others on this journey. I encourage you to keep trying…I will too.
It makes me feel good to know that it’s not just me. Thanks for all of your comments. I guess you are right, if I look at my eating habits today compared to 2 years ago…I am definitely doing much better. I have really gotten into organic foods. I just wish that I could lose more weight…I really do know how to do it, sometimes my pocket book doesn’t cooperate.
i feel the same way!!