It just kinda hit me, after having T1 for 6 months now, that well, I’m not the same health-wise that I was. Hmmm… The hi-ho cheerfulness suddenly went “thud.”
This is pretty normal after thing become routine. Depression, frustration, aloneness and denial are all a part of the D thing. It is how you handle them that dictates how well you manager your D over the years. 40 for me, and I still get a little peeved and down on myself, then I re-educate and again realize my success is all due to my actions.
Yep, not often - now at 46 years T1, those days when no matter what you do nothing works - you walk through the kitchen and your blood sugar spikes to 250, or you eat something that 2 days ago you bolused correctly for and today you spike to 300 or drop to 40. Those days when you blast out of the house and forget something (not as bad pumping, but MDI’s seemed would always forget insulin when going out to eat. Go figure.) Those days when breathing causes your blood sugar to stay in the 60’s and you have inhaled enough food to feed half of your home town population trying to get the sugar up to near 100. But hey, it’s me - I’m diabetic. I have a wonderful love/hate relationship with my pump and my Dex, and I spend 1 to 2 minutes fussing (venting), blame the blood sugar problems on the weather or something equally insane, and get on with living!
i was so HAPPY to finally feel somewhat good after diagnosis. i had been sick for a long time.
i hit me like a ton of bricks a few months later that i didn’t actually have a cure for my illness, but a lifelong disease that i had to micromanage every minute of every day…
Thanks for these replies, all – I’m really glad I’m a part of this community, it’s comforting to find one’s experience isn’t unique.
4 months for me. everything is slowly becoming routine, for the most part, but every once in a while i look at that needle in my belly and thing - ■■■■! i’m going to have to do this for every meal for the rest of my life! or i look in the fridge and want to bang my head against the wall after looking at the carb content and deciding there’s nothing in there i want to eat. like i said, for the most part it’s just becoming part of my daily life, but every few weeks i’ll have one of these moments where it hits me all over again.
however, i do not feel less healthy than before. if anything i feel more healthy. i kept all my dka weight off 
and with changes to diet and exercise i’ve lost another 10 pounds. i feel light on my feet and energetic.
That’s great to hear – feeling light and energetic! That is not happening to me. For the last few months I’ve started to get these awful headaches (may not be D-related), and gradually my basal insulin needs are going up. Maybe I’m exiting the honeymoon phase, as well as experiencing the first awful symptoms of perimenopause? I feel like my body is decaying before my eyes… Ok granted this is nothing compared to what others go through with different things, but still for me, it’s hitting me all of a sudden. I’m worried that some other health issue is going to pop up out of nowhere, and I won’t have the stamina to be around to take care of my family as long as I need to… I guess I’m really realizing that even if you do all the right things, your body can take you by surprise. It’s leveling…
I’m 8 years into it. Similar to you, I was fine for the first few months then about 1 year into it I had serious teeth problems, I felt a chest pain, also felt a little ache in one of my kidneys. At the time, I thought it was just going to get worse as time went on. To my SURPRISE…my teeth, kidneys and heart have been fine for 6+ years. It was kinda like my body was in shock after diagnoses and now that my body is used to diabetes it has become stronger. Who knows how long that will last.
Just like your blood sugar, you will have your ups and downs.
Stay strong Cap!
Oh Knorris I know just what your talking about with " walking through the kitchen and going to 250" or “spicking at 300 then falling to 40” HATE that roller coaster!!! Capri I’ve been here (in this fight with my body) now for 37 years. Keep a good attitude (yes i know it’s hard to do but YOU CAN DO IT!!! Think of those presious kids you have and how much you want them to have their mom) You WILL do this!!!
Thanks, Mikey – your encouragement means a lot to me.
Thanks, Doris! Believe me the will is there, but I’m feeling afraid… I will try to keep hopeful despite that. It is good to know that people with D go through this off and on, but they’re still here. This really helps.
Good perspective, Korrie. Getting on with living, yes, have to keep going. Don’t look back, don’t look down. Keep the blinders on… Gotta remember that…
Thanks S. 40 years – proof that one can combat this mentally. Gives me hope…
Honey I now that fear! I’ve lived it for 37 years now! I know you will do well. It’s just an “off” day!
When I was diagnosed almost 4 years ago I was so upset and sad. I thought my life was over. I still have my ups and downs to this day but with my CGM and upcoming pump, it gives me a new life and freedom than I had before. I still hope for a cure some day and will have my bad days. I now have a much better boyfriend who reminds me to do my meds, etc. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be doing my meds, etc. I also have the support of my friends and they always watch over me.
I do have days where I am delayed and just wanna give up.
Thanks Doris, I feel the love…
Delayed – that’s how I’m feeling.
I think all of us have our ups and downs. I have periods of absolute rebellion, and then I don’t take my insulin just to see if the diabetes went away while I wasn’t looking. Of course it didn’t. I know I am harming myself by doing that, but sometimes I just can’t stand it and I DON’T want to be diabetic!!
Then there’s depression – diabetics have a higher incidence of depression than the general population. And you phrased it exactly right – hi-ho cheerfulness goes to “thud”. I am on an anti-depressant because the depression dates from childhood, and is not simply related to the diabetes. But a talk-therapist can help a lot too – I’m in a group with 5 other women and we do a lot of talking out of our feelings – they all know I’m diabetic and are very supportive of me, in spite of the fact that they don’t have it and don’t know all that much about it.
I also think that “thud” is part of the realization and acceptance of diabetes. You aren’t denying it but you don’t quite know how to make it an ordinary part of your life yet. That will come (for the most part), and meanwhile, you just have to hang in there and do what you can!
You want to know what got me the worst? A common cold! All in my family had it and took over the counter meds for it. OK I get it and it’s off to the Dr with me! Yep that got me!
You know I’m always here for you.
Ugh… Nothing like that to make you feel “special,” huh?
Thanks, Doris – no doubt about it I appreciate!