I’m just about to hit the 5 year mark from diagnosis and for some reason I’ve been really overwhelmed and upset about having Diabetes lately. I’ve never been this upset about it before. I feel very overwhelmed like I just can’t do it anymore. My blood sugars have been good for the past couple weeks, but I guess just thinking about how this is a constant, daily battle, it’s really overwhelming me. My question is have you ever had these feelings? If so, when did they set in? What do you do to make yourself feel better?
I want to be strong and not be upset. I know things could be a lot worse and I feel like I’m being a baby and that I don’t have justification for being upset, so I just want to know I’m not alone.
It will be my 2nd anniversary Sept 10 and I go back and forth between being resigned and resenting all the normal people. You know, the ones who don’t test, inject, measure, eat, retest ,correct. It must be nice to just sit down and eat something. How do I make myself feel better? Sneak some chocolate of course!
For me it was when I hit my 15-year mark, or thereabouts.
I really think that, because I was diagnosed as a kid, the whole adjustment cycle and “stages of grief” thing hit when I was in my mid-20s instead of when I was first diagnosed. When I was a kid I just took it all in stride and didn’t really think about it much.
I’m hitting my 20-year mark in a month and I still don’t think I’ve gotten completely over it.
You are definitely not alone! I was diagnosed when I was a kid, so for a long time I didn’t really know any different, and, being a kid, couldn’t really think abstract thoughts about what it would mean for the future. Now that I’m an adult, I realize how much of a daily battle it actually is! So, I feel like I’ve gone through what you’re experiencing, only like 15 years later. Everyone handles it differently, but I think it’s healthy and appropriate to get upset about it sometimes. I think we all kind of go through a grieving process for our “former” lives or our “what could have been” lives, and it’s totally appropriate to allow ourselves to do that. I do think that we can respect those feelings of grief and being overwhelmed while not wallowing in them, though. We each have to find what works for us to rise above those feelings, but know that when they come, it’s OK to feel them, and that just because you feel overwhelmed and upset doesn’t mean you’re failing in any way. Reaching out to others who understand (like here at tudiabetes) has been what has helped me a lot! Diabetes (and chronic illness in general) can cause or exacerbate depression, so please be aware of that and seek help if you feel like that could be a possibility. We all get burned out, sometimes though, so please know that you’re not alone. I’m sure others will suggest reading a book called “Diabetes Burnout.” I haven’t actually read it, but I know it has helped a lot of people on here. Any way, that’s just a long comment to say it’s not just you, you are NOT alone, and we’re here to support you!
Anyone who denies ever having “diabetes burnout” is either in denial or lying. I find it difficult to believe that not one of us have gone through any kind of depression with diabetes.
People do get burnout and it is nothing unusual. I think mine set in about a year after diagnosis. Before that I was just relieved to find out what was wrong with me since I had been so desparately ill for the previous 10 years and the diagnosis came as an explanaition as to why so many things were going wrong with my health.
You are not alone. You need to speak to your endocrinologist or general doctor about what it is that is bothering you about the diabetes - for me it was the constant testing and frequent hypos, for you it might be something different.
If necessary, do not shirk a course of antidepressants. There is no shame in it. In fact there is one kind of antidepressant that actually lowers blood sugar levels. I went to the doctor last year and all I could do was cry for the first 20 minutes. I tried to speak and put my hand to my throat to indicate I could not speak - and she presumed I had throat ache! When I finally got to speak she diagnosed depression and went through the different ones - and came up with this one and she said a side effect could be lowering of blood sugar levels. I just said, I will have double of that! The first time I managed to raise a smile!
If your endo is not sympathetic, then change endos. Diabetes and depression do tend to go hand in hand from time to time.
Let us know how you are getting on. Meanwhile, sending you big hugs to comfort you.
HI LIZ!!! The bottom line for me (and probably others as well) is that there is an ebb and flo to everythihng in life. In Feb. I will celebrate my fiftieth birthday, and thirty eight years insulin dependant and I have no eye damage (whew). I am doing very well because I worked very hard, was very lucky and had great support. Not only is what you are experiencing perfectly natural, it would be funny if you didn’t feel somewhat tired.
When we are diagnosed, we are usually physically ill, but we don’t know why. Shortly after because we are able to manage our blood sugar AGAIN (ha ha), we feel better physically but are stressed mentally because now we have a much better idea as to what we are in for. And yes, yeccch. Policing our emotions is as important as watching our sugars because they can be both dependant and interdependant on each other.
This is a fancy way of saying HOLY #$$%%^^ there is a LOT to deal with here. Like all of us I am certainly not an expert and I learn more everyday, and you will to. I am proud of you for voicing your concerns here because NO ONE SHOULD EVER SUFFER IN SILENCE and our emotions when skewed by diabetes are turned into a valuable tool to create more damage within, and without. Even the Devil enjoys help from those who volunteer. It makes “the job” easier (ha ha) and this of course is not an option.
The very second you are quiet about it , it knows it has you and we know that will never happen. MY advice? Be as silent and sneaky and severe to it, as it is to you. Without driving yourself or others crazy run the best reasonable blood sugars you can and when you think the timings right TALK YOU HEAD OFF!!!
Almost immediately for me. I was incredibly overwhelmed with information, lost in it really. I actually cried at work one day because I felt guilty about stopping to test and eat because I felt like I was not giving the boss my all. It all felt very wrong. I had always been able to eat whatever I wanted and stay slim. All of a sudden bang a whole new reality. I continue to struggle now and again and at one point gave up for a period of months on testing and just tried to eat healthy. Let’s just say that did not work. So I am at it again. When I feel a little burnt out with diabetes I take a break. A day or weekend and enjoy. Once it is over I get back at it. I am planning to give that up to eventually ( I have changes to make yet to my lifestyle - baby steps) nd may reward myself with something I enjoy or would not normally purchase for myself. A little reward for extending my life and enjoying it while I am here.
Liz,
I think the constant “doing” of everything can be a pain. BUT being a silly person (and a bit creative at times), I change the routine. I have always been so routinized people could set their watches by when I walked in a room. SO, here’s what I do. It also helps my blood pressure.
I change the routine. I have devised different schedules of testing, different menus & times for eating, different ways of recording test results, different spots for the MDI, different bedtime routine, different everything that I can alternate to. Somehow my diabetes numbers don’t get worse by it. Just a different routine, and the fun of figuring it out is what it’s all about. I like fun. I like games, and I put one or two in an evening besides.
Now I won’t say that this is THE WAY to become underwhelmed, but it sure has worked for me. I can’t stand being an automaton, and diabetes has its way of making me one unless I decide to make a whole different routine for myself. In ten years, I suppose I’ve changed my routine every 3 months.
Maybe I’m lucky, or clueless but it’s been 10 years and I feel so much better than I did for the 20 years previous to that! I have such an insight to what is happening when I don’t feel good that my life is just so much better.
Do I wish I felt good all the time…yep. Do I get tired sometimes of the constant work…yep. But I have a great husband who helps me carb count meals and who, as an engineer has a strange love affair with my pump. I have a great team of doctors who have become friends. I tease them all the time that I am glad they are friends cause in Heaven they will be unemployed and will need to have friends to do things with!
I guess I have accepted it cause life with a definite diagnosis of diabetes and a treatment is so much better than it was before when my pancreas was dying in spurts.
You aren’t alone. I was diagnosed just before I turned five; in fact I don’t really remember what it was like to not have to consider my blood sugar, insulin, activities, diet, emotions, and so on, and so on. It’s a constant thing that won’t stop or go away and it is sometimes overwhelming. The feelings will pass; the diabetes wont. 29 years and counting. My best advice is just to take care of yourself like you know you should, you’ll get through it. You are definitely not alone.
You have plenty of justification for being upset! I personally believe that there is nothing wrong with being upset about an illness that you have to be reminded of many times a day. For me I have had this disease for 20 years and I hate every single second of this disease. I know that doesn’t sound like very helpful advice for you, but please don’t be like me. I’m just now learning that the ability to talk openly with people that have the exact same problems is a huge help!
The disease blows big time… It’s literally ruined my life. The only reason I really want to keep going on is because I so paid my dues and I believe there may just be an eventual breakthrough. Anyone that has diabetes and isn’t completely disturbed by it in every way possible is extremely fortunate IMO. Every time I see a commercial of new meter with the person smiling like “oh with this new talking meter I can test my sugar in seconds” I want throw something through the screen. Hate is really an understatement. If you think its bad after five years wait till your in the few decades like myself. But hey there is a cure coming in the next 5 years! In fact if I wasn’t so ill and had the means I’d lobby in front of FDA demanding that they fast track anything that may help us.
I had it for 8 years. I hate being diabete…It came to a point where I hate to eat food in general…Everything I ate made my sugar reading high especially carb…I cant eat any carb such as rice or bread because it raise my blood sugar so much. It is really difficult not having white rice especially if you are asian. I just have to accept it and be thankful…
I think it would be kind of crazy NOT to get down about having diabetes once in a while. It’s the pits! We all know plenty of people who get bent out of shape about having a cold or needing to use contact lenses, and for us that stuff’s pretty small potatoes (except for the fact that a simple cold can reek terrible havoc on blood sugar), and I don’t think it’s possible to avoid making comparisons sometimes and feeling overwhelmed by the number and gravity of things we deal with… not to mention the constancy of it. You’re not being a baby, you’re being human.
I say feel the yucky feelings when they set upon you, but be open to good feelings, too. This stuff all comes and goes…
I am really brand new to this nightmare and I am ready to give it back…I never in my wildest dreams knew what Type 1 diabetics go through. Sometimes, I just want to feel sorry for myself…I have never been a pitty potty person but boy, I really feel like I have been dealt the wrong hand. My sister is a gestational diabetic Counselor…( I am lucky she can give me resources)…She has a very nice practice in Chicago and she tells me I should feel bad right now, cry if I have to and then get up and THANK GOD that I did wake up. So, that’s what I have been doing just to “handle” this for now. Oh, I also never say “well it can’t get any worse” because I have already learned that it can and will if I don’t stay on target…
You’re NOT being a baby. Diabetes is probably one of the most time- and mind-consuming chronic diseases there is. You NEVER get a break. I’ve been struggling with it for 20 years, and I’ve had times when I really DID ignore it, with predictable results. I have never, EVER had the feeling of acceptance that some people apparently get – I just struggle with diabetes chores on a regular basis.
So, yes, you DO have justification for being upset. The trick is finding ways to deal with it, not to just cover it up. When I get desperate, not wanting to put in a new infusion set after I’ve taken my pump off, for example, or not wanting to bolus, I have a friend I can call. A couple of weeks ago, when I had to put my beautiful Siamese cat down, I binged massively on carbs (1/2 angel food cake and 1/3 carton of chocolate ice cream – truly massive, yes?) and couldn’t bring myself to bolus for it. So I called my friend, who is a CDE and she calmly talked me through bolusing. She even told me how much to bolus, because I couldn’t even think clearly enough to do that. My emotions had clearly got the better of me.
Your way of coping will probably be different from mine, but you CAN think creatively and find ways. Emotional support in this disease is crucial, and needing that is so very human. And I’m glad you are a thinking, feeling human being – you just show that your heart and soul are not made of stone!
Everyone handles it differently, but I think it’s healthy and appropriate to get upset about it sometimes. I think we all kind of go through a grieving process for our “former” lives or our “what could have been” lives, and it’s totally appropriate to allow ourselves to do that. I do think that we can respect those feelings of grief and being overwhelmed while not wallowing in them, though. We each have to find what works for us to rise above those feelings, but know that when they come, it’s OK to feel them, and that just because you feel overwhelmed and upset doesn’t mean you’re failing in any way. Reaching out to others who understand (like here at tudiabetes) has been what has helped me a lot! Diabetes (and chronic illness in general) can cause or exacerbate depression, so please be aware of that and seek help if you feel like that could be a possibility. We all get burned out, sometimes though, so please know that you’re not alone. I’m sure others will suggest reading a book called “Diabetes Burnout.” I haven’t actually read it, but I know it has helped a lot of people on here. Any way, that’s just a long comment to say it’s not just you, you are NOT alone, and we’re here to support you!