I've fallen off the damn wagon, again!

Ouch! I know I’m not the only one this happens to & I know this is the place for sharing & support. I don’t even feel like mentioning my reasons why as they should be irrelevant. It just happens, we all know that. When it happens, it starts a vicious circle of negativity that seems impossible to escape. I can talk myself into doing what I’m supposed to & that lasts a few days at best but that depression factor rears its ugly face & I fall off again for weeks. I was on the Omnipod & did like it, however, it aided my laziness & I also found that even though I thought I did a decent job of rotating pod placement, I began forming lumps/bumps of scar tissue because I have a small area of acceptable locations. I am petite, 5’2" & 100 lbs. My A1C pre-pump was an improved 7.7. After 3 months of pump wear, I was back up to a 9.3. The heart of my issue is stopping to think about testing & taking the insulin for my meals. Now off the pump for about 2.5 years, I use lantus & humalog. In my current state I rarely test my bg & use the humalog. I hate that I’m in this funk & I know its up to me to make changes & good form good habits, so I’m asking for encouraging words & motivation. I know my fellow T1’s understand what I’m going through mentally!

Courty, Oh, how I know that vicious cycle. Girl, it's just tough to stick to this program all the time. What I came to realize is, that I FEEL better when I do stick to it, but when I want to eat the same thing that all of my family does and I can't - it sends me into a pout. For remembering to take my doses when I was on shots, I had to set my alarm on my phone to remind me (and to take my BG). Now on the pump, I have the reminders set on it. As for the eating the right way, I tell myself "I will make the best decision possible each meal." I was in the habit of starting out the day good, but then when I would cheat, I would just write off the rest of the day. Don't do that! I do better with the new mentality of starting back right away after a mess up. If I'm really having a rough time (which is usually in the evenings), I make myself walk out of the house and go for a walk. It is tough, I know. We all know and we all have those days. Just don't focus on the bad, keep on trying. And keep coming on this forum - come in the chat room. Lots of people there to help and make you laugh at them and yourself. We're here for you!!!

I think we all fall off from time to time. But it is more important for you to decide whether you are going to jump back on or not. I fell off due to being lazy n frustrated with having give up all the foods that I liked...ice cream, candy bars, pasta, etc. Plus I was helping my mom get through her cancer treatments and didn't make the time to take care of myself. Well, I am paying the consequences now...I have damaged my kidneys, liver and eyesight. Thankfully, that was a wake up call for me. I have worked very hard to get my BG numbers down. I have battled depression for 24 years and I am finally learning to recognize the negative thought patterns so I can keep a head of it and stop it dead in its track. I try to focus on searching out the positives (blessings) in my life. Now matter how bad I feel I still try to find the tiniest little blessings in my day. I think if I didn't I would be dead because the depression can be so consuming of hopelessness.
Making small changes everyday are huge steps closer to your goals. You are already kicking the depression in the butt by reaching out to others and you should be very proud of yourself for that. If you need a diabetic buddy to walk along side, to encourage you, to vent to,share in your struggles just know I am willing to. But I will also be straight forward and bold with you to.

I am T2 but understand the burnout. I have not really been taking care of my diabetes for about the last 6-9 months. Several months ago I saw the eye doctor, planning to get glasses. I told him I felt like I just wasn't seeing right. He checked my eyes and found my right one was swollen. No glasses for me.

He asked me to really watch my BG, and let him know if it stopped fairly quickly. I had an appt. to see him in a month. Several days later, I realized I wasn't having that problem any more. that meant it was diabetes related.

Even after several months, I still have some swelling in that eye. My solution - on my pad where I record test results I wrote "eyes" in red at the top. Each time I test, if it is above the recommended values I write "eyes" in red after it. This seems to be working for me. I don't want to lose my vision. I don't know what I would do without my computer, iPad, and TV. LOL