Spill the beans

Almost 2 years to the day was the last time I posted anything on this site. a quick recap on my history- dx’d Sept '08 with T1.5 (LADA) at the age of 32. almost imediately went on insulin (lantus & novolog). brought my A1c down from 11.3 to 6ish. After 8 months of great control, my endo (who i loved) moved out of state. i quickly fell off the “controlled” wagon and begun a downward spiral. i stopped checking my sugar…would go days without insulin, when i did test…i was over 400…commonally 500!

Last week, i finally saw a doctor & had bldwk done and my A1c was 12!!! Higher than when i was dx’d!!! i haven’t been to an eye doctor since 10/08 and have not had a good physical exam since 5/09. my chloresterol is very high, my thyroid is very high…my primary care doctor is clueless with diabetes. there are no endos in northern arizona and i will have to travel to the Phoenix area to see one. I need a referal to a GOOD endo…and seems like a dead end road.

I am waiting to hear back from Medtronics as to if my insurance will cover a pump. i went down that road right before i fell off the damn wagon. we’ll see what happens with that whole thing.

I’m just so fustrated…I HATE DIABETES!!! Why me???

GRRRR!

I HATE IT TOO! Let it all out, girl!!

Sometimes when I get frustrated like this I spend time reading Diabetes Blogs (not like clinical crap…but blogs by people that have D and write the true-life stuff)…it helps.

Have you seen this one from Lauren (a tudiabetes member):

http://laurendazzle.blogspot.com/2011/05/good-things-about-having-diabetes.html

And falling off the wagon is expected…just get up and get back on, girl! I’ve been there too.

Thanks Mike!

I just want to scream, cry, stomp my feet, roll around on the floor, eat 1/2 doz donuts in bed while hiding from my family!!

I don’t have shots to deal with thank goodness…but I do understand the frustration and resistance to treatment.
Having said that, nothing I can say or do will ever change your feelings, except please know that you are loved, and please take care of yourself because I am sure SOMEBODY needs you.

(((((((((((HUGZZZZZZ)))))))))))

You should hate diabetes. That is normal. All that said, you can get your A1C back down to a good number. Forget about the past and look toward the future. You can do it!

I know all about falling off the wagon – been there, done that, and almost died. All you can do is pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse, oh wait, wasn’t it a wagon?

There is absolutely no answer to why me. Why NOT me? Diabetes is ugly, it’s a royal PITA, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But when there’s no choice, you do what you have to. In SPITE of your feelings. After I got out of being in the hospital for a month, I made myself a promise: I don’t care WHAT else doesn’t get done – the bed is unmade, the sink is full of dishes, the catboxes stink – WHATEVER – I WILL take care of my diabetes, because I never want to go through the stupor, blackouts, terrifying hallucinations, liver failure, kidney failure and absolute misery of nearly dying from diabetes. It doesn’t make me LIKE diabetes any better – I will NEVER like diabetes, but it taught me where my priorities are. If I say F*** you, diabetes every time I change a set or check my BG, it’s OK – I can be as mad as H***, but I DO what I have to. Like I said, no choice.

Thank you all for your support and kind words. Natalie, you said it best…get my priorities straight!!! I do have to remember that it is okay if i am 5 minutes late for a meeting/appointment because i took the time to test my BG and correct if needed. Or if am the last one to the dinner table.

Hi Karen: Let’s face it, diabetes sucks. That said, we can live a good life, in spite of diabetes. Unfortunately, living well with diabetes does take a lot of time (for testing, exercise, preparing healthful foods). I have silly little sayings that I use all the time, for example “test, test, test” and “it doesn’t matter who is watching or what it takes, you have to take care of yourself” (said to myself as I test in public, test at meetings at work; test, test, test). Best of luck to you, and use TuD as a place to get support and encouragement!