Letting go

....of other people's diabetes that is. I have a friend who is an RN and I really respect her knowledge. She's been my "advisor" on medical matters for nearly 30 years. So I was really shocked when I realized how little she knew about diabetes management! But it didn't surprise me as much when I realized that the whole medical profession is woefully out of date in their knowledge about diabetes!

So my friend's husband is Type 2 for several years. He takes oral meds and pretty much ignores everything else, eating very high carb. Just at Christmas time he was saying "not necessarily" when I told him he needed to be on insulin soon. So now his doctor at Kaiser has put him on insulin. (duh). But they've put him on NPH and no bolus. The husband is in denial and very happy there but my friend should know better. I told her NPH was an older form of insulin and copied a paragraph from Jennie's book about why it is inferior. I also mentioned basal/bolus with I:C ratio for dosing as the standard of care. But I realize that's all I can do is mention and that basically it is her husband and HIS diabetes and they are going to do what they are going to do. Frustrating. And maybe it shouldn't matter so much. I think maybe a part of me resents that I "have to" work so hard at diabetes management when other idiots just pop a pill and do what the DOC says. Hmmm. Sounds like my problem, huh?

I have another friend, Type 2 for many years who IS on basal/bolus but uses a sliding scale and doesn't measure his post prandials(!).I was surprised when he told me he was usually under 120 and then I realized that was BEFORE meals, not after! He says he just isn't willing to spend all that time writing logs "for his doctor". I tell him I don't do it for my doctor, I do it for me. Sometimes I think my friends, the ones with diabetes and certainly the ones without think I'm obsessed with diabetes. Do any of you have that experience?

Just some thoughts I've been having...and yes, I think I have some letting go to do. Time to say the Serenity Prayer!

Yes… I have had that experience. I also have friends who could care less what they eat – they just pop their pills, without testing their BG, ever… or without caring what it is they are eating. Chocolate cake, and cookies, and all… and tried to advice me that I need to not care as much, and do the same!

I also had one lady tell me she didn’t need to worry about consuming complex carbs like potatoes, rice, pasta, oatmeal, or quinoa, cus she’s got tight control, so having high amounts of complex carbs is not a problem. lol I really wanted to know her secret, so I asked her what she does… because, you know, I have an A1C of 5.3%, which is kinda tight, and I can’t eat those things… and she got mad, and basically told me I wasn’t a doctor, and didn’t need to be saying anything. lol

And that’s the other thing… People get desperate, and ask questions, or try to make ludicrous generalizations about the kind of treatments all diabetics should follow… and when you try to mention anything to either help, or dispel a myth, you get immediately asked what your A1C is… “Oh, really? What is your A1C, then?” As if having less carbs and more proteins and fats is going to somehow, magically make my A1C skyrocket… Or, as if having a slice of low carb toast in the morning, is going to make it skyrocket. I get both sides of the spectrum…

There’s just so many people set, and stuck in their ways… the old school way of 'doctors are invincible, and they are God, and I need to follow them without putting much thought," but little do they know doctors are people, too… and just as there are poor students out there, in all kinds of areas of study, so it can be for medicine, as well… There are doctors who plain do the bare minimum, for continuous education, just as any other profession or area of study… Yeah, these people take an oath of do no harm, but let’s face it… It’s a money making profession. I am sure that for some people, THAT was the bigger motivator…

I’ve had people even harass me over this… by leaving me passive aggressive messages, and such, because I was advising someone else that if they felt they didn’t need to be on a certain medication, their doctor needed to respect that decision… and that in this day and age, it’s just not wise to play along dumb for the ride, and not be an active participant in one’s treatment. But alas, it takes all kinds to make the world go round… and in the end, I just hope that misjudgement doesn’t end up costing them 10 or 20 years of their life. One can only say one’s peace, when asked, or when there’s danger, and move on… whether they take it, or leave it. We, also, have plenty to learn every day, as well… and can’t be wasting time, sidetracked, on those who simply don’t want to move on…

Yep, best to let it go.

I honestly don’t care if anyone thinks I’m obsessive. I don’t talk about it unless someone asks me a question, or friends are around to witness a cranky embarrassing low, for which I apologize for for days.

Yep, I think you’re both right. I am a teacher and a helper by nature, but I think this is one that hits too close to home and best to go with “less is more”. I just remind myself that I made different choices in the past am happy with my current choices and everyone else is on their own! Even the President! Am I the only one shocked that he smokes?? Must be the Californian in me!

Well… considering how addicting those things are, I’m not terribly shocked… He probably started when he was young, and like many of us, picked up the bad habit without much thought… and now he’s sort of trapped with stress, life, and family, and the thought of quitting… It’s a tough commitment. Considering the hard time I had just quitting soda, I try not to hold it much against people. lol

What’s ho hum, Mark? Not sure what your point is.

Zoe, I, too, felt like I had to be in control of my own diabetes, and yet my friends who are diabetics were doing all sorts of unhealthy behaviors with bad information from their providers. It drove me nuts…check out some of my posts of the subject.
But, I came to realize, through many people here, that I can only control what I do, only learn what information I need, my friends will have to live with their decisions, and I can only lead by example not by worry, preaching or telling them that their providers stink. I have always held that if a person believes and has faith in their doctor, then another person’s advise on that doctor should be left alone…unless it’s a matter of life or death. I didn’t like it when people told me one bad incident about a pediatrician — that they had, and I loved the man and he treated my children terrifically. So I had to go back to those thoughts that they have that provider because they must trust him/her and I have to live with that, and only control myself.
It’s tough when you care about friends, but then there is a such thing as too much caring. Time to let go, you are right.

Thanks, Cathy. Yes, that is a lesson I learn over and over in my life! I thought I had that down, but diabetes is so personal to me, it brings it back up!