Hey all, my name is Andy Rhodes. I’m a 29 year-old Type 2 diabetic using an Omnipod Insulin Pump and soon a Dexcom. I’ve been dealing with depression for a while. In college they thought it was Bipolar but I haven’t had a mania issue in years - so maybe it was caffeine. I see a psychiatrist and take 3 medicines: Celexa (60 mg), Lamichtal (150 mg), and Wellbutrin (300 mg). I’m still coming off a deep spell when I didn’t take meds for 4 months. Everyday I deal with suicidal thoughts (never attempted by thought of ways to do it) and thoughts of cutting to relieve the pain and sadness. It’s hard to get out of bed in the mornings and I try to get at least 9 hours of sleep at night. Obviously my diabetes is doing bad (10.9 A1C) and that makes it worse and dealing with weight doesn’t make things easier. I definitely consider myself a loser and am extremely lonely (no friends since graduating college 2 years ago. I try to deal with everything on my own (even mom/dad don’t know) and I’m an expert at putting on a mask. It definitely tires me out by faking it at work, school, church, and even at home. Sorry for the long intro. (Definitely no hope things will get better even though I’m a Christ Follower.)
Good morning Andy so nice to hear from you, living with heart failure diabetes and prostrate problems life at times gets very hard, I have 5 children all grown up and 4 grandchilden so I am surrounded by family yet spend every weekday on my own stairing at 4 walls, I use to think of myself as being a loser but how can I be with so much love surrounding me, some days I get so depressed it is difficult to live with me but after 43 years of marrige my wife I guess knows my moods and swings.
What I am trying to say Andy is looking inward at one’s self sometimes makes us see the darker side of life but I wake up each morning and the birds are chirping away and the sun will come bursting through our bedroom window just to remind me there is a wonderful world out there, I too feel very lonely at times having not worked for 10 years you lose self respect in the eyes of others but just waking up each morning after my massive heart attack in 2004 makes me realise how grateful I should be.
Finding a hobby might help I like photography my photos are not magic but who is ever going to look at them it makes me happy at the time and happiness is the key to life I wish you all the very best drop me a line anytime of the night or day.
Ramundow
Andy, I am old enough to be your mother, I have a son who is 28…But I won’t pull a “mommism” on you. I looked at your pic and I didn’t see the failure that you described. I saw a young man who has been through some trials and tribulations, and somehow managed to go to college, deal with depression, suicidal thoughts and cutting. That is a major deal. MAJOR!
Now, to the cutting…I used to cut, I haven’t given it up, and am “tempted” to start again, when life gets to be too much. I have a series of things I have to go through before I cut though, mine is very ritualistic. For example, I have to write a letter to my family explaining why I wanted to cut, I have to take a walk for 10 minutes and really move it along (this is hard when you have arthritis in your knees) and the list goes on…for 30 minutes before I can cut. I have to sing very loudly to a John Denver song I love, and now that’s a little tough at 3:00 AM…but do you get where I am going. Yes, it’s a distraction, yes, it stops me from thinking about cutting and about something else.
Why did you stop taking meds? Weren’t they working? You didn’t like how they made you feel? So why did you stop taking them?
Andy, I have been faking it for a long time also, and you are right it does take everything out of you. And you know what, people sense that and do shy away from you. They did me. They don’t know what’s going on, so rather than find out, they leave you alone.
My answer to you is what you would expect. Get yourself to your doc, tell him/her that you haven’t been taking your meds that you need help with your weight. Easier said than done, I know. But you’ve got to start somewhere. Make the appt…that’s a good start. Keep it, that’s step 2. Ask him for a referral to a dietician or nutritionist, insurance should pay for that if you have it, if not, explain that might be a problem. They hear it all day. Good for you on the sleep, we should all get 9 hours! I want your recipe for sleeping. Then do what they suggest, take it one step at a time, don’t eat the elephant in one bite.
Andy, what kind of work do you do? Are you in a business that has other people, maybe ask one person to eat lunch with you…one only, no crowd scenes. It’s tough being a guy in this world of people who are married and have kids and there are you single guys, my son tells me the same thing…
And then if you can, share with mom and dad, unless you are really threatened by that. Honestly, Moms know these things are happening with their kids, but you are a man, and she probably doesn’t feel comfortable asking you about it.
But do tell her about the diabetes and your not taking your meds…the other can come when she/you are ready for that.
Andy, you are a sensational young man. You took a leap of courage to tell us about you…and that is admirable. Please keep in touch, okay? Hang in there, things can and will get better, but you will have to put forth a little effort.
hi Andy, You have come to the right place! I also suffer from depression & can relate to what you’re saying about being alone. It never goes away completely, but I promise it will get better. It’s ok to feel crappy, you dont have to feel guilty, you’ve been through so much, you deserve to feel down sometimes. my A1C is also above 10, and it’s so damn hard to get it down. You are not alone in this, the website has saved my life on more than one occasion. You’ll get loads of help here, support, advice. Stay well, Debi
Well, for me, I’ve always had long term depression… or Dysthymia. I completely believe that my depression has been a result of other illnesses in my life causing havoc in my body, since childhood, such as Polycistic Ovarian Syndrome, and Hypothyroidism. Because of these illnesses, which are metabolic illnesses, my body has been slowly developing major insulin resistance which lead to incredible weight gain… And developing Type 2 Diabetes at 33 yrs old. Endocrine illnesses are incredibly linked to how our Thyroid and Pituitary glands work, and to the health of our Hypothalamus – which is the zone in our brains where all those receptors that control mood are centered. One of the most important functions of the hypothalamus is to link the nervous system to the endocrine system… And usually when there is a disconnect of sorts from the two, via illness, there will be Depression. I’ve had a few major, major episodes of Depression in my life. When I was 15 – which is when I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, and back in 2007, when I was put on so many meds to control the depression (which I thought was being caused by major stressors in my life) that I had a seizure. Of course, these doctors completely ignored checking my glucose numbers, until 2009, when I was finally diagnosed with Diabetes in November. Once I got my Diabetes controlled (I had an A1C of 10.5%) to an A1C of 5.5%, my major depression issues went away. Sure, I may have a little sadness from time to time – but it’s at normal levels, like regular people who may have a moment of sadness. A low carb diet (I only consume about 60-80 grams of carb a day), with high protein and high Omega 3 fats is the only, only thing that has worked for me… And has allowed me to lose over 60 lbs. And foods containing high levels of Omega 3 have been known to soothe the Hypothalamus, and the Thyroid and Pituitary, and help, over time, soothe issues with Depression. Really, it only took me 3 months to get back to a more manageable life after 3 years of uncontrolled depression and meds… I don’t know if you also have issues with your Thyroid, but I would also seriously consider getting that checked up. It’s just one tiny little pill, once a day, which has virtually no side effects – and I have never experienced any.
To sum it up…
- Consume MORE foods higher in Omega 3 fats – which the brain NEEDS, and soothe the Hypothalamus…
- Consume a lower carb diet, if you can, and stay away from the refined carbs, and simple carbs… limit them greatly, to just once in a blue moon.
- Get your Thyroid checked out.
- Lower your A1C – consume less carbs, go for walks, buy a bike, play outside with your kids/friends/family/pets…
- Get some air, and sunshine… The body needs Vitamin D from the sun, or else we also get blue…
- Forgive yourself, have patience… and vent to those who care, and understand.
I went from taking 40 mg of Prozac and 300 mg of Wellbutrin XL daily, to taking nothing… It can be done. It just takes a lot of changing around of our lifestyle.
You are not a loser… You’re just someone dealing with a lot in life, right now. The thoughts are not real. They are the Depression talking. Don’t lose hope.
Hi there I am also a type two diabetic and i am wondering if depression which I also have from time to time is a physical thing
reacting inside the body or are we just getting depressed because having to fight the disease just brings us down.I soon too may have to find a better solution then pills to my blood sugar.Insulin will be my next step but I have to wait for a new doctor first.Feeling sick in Canada god bless you all that have this terrible blood sugar disorder.
I think there are more forces to depression, rather causes, than we can dream of: weather, money, diabetes job loss, bad grades, whatever. I know for me, depression is b/c of diabetes, being overweight, having no friends/people to do life w/ since graduating college, not being where I want to as far as job/living w/ parents, among others. Depression can lead to, or is b/c of, cutting b/c of self-hatred. I think about cutting & other thoughts daily.
Depression is definitely physical I believe. Maybe something about diabetes messes w/ our brain stuff, and then there’s inheritance.
It’s late so I don’t know if this made any sense. Good luck!