I suffer from long-term depression. I see a psychiatrist and started seeing a counselor. I take 3 depression meds: Wellbutrin, Celexa, and Lamictal. Last 3 weeks have been really tough. More suicidal thoughts than usual.
I definitely haven’t been doing good with diabetes. I haven’t tested in over a month. I haven’t worn my pod in forever (type 2). I definitely lack on insulin. I was doing Quick Weight Loss Center diet but lost focus. Now I’ve been eating tons of sweets and some fastfood and alot of milk (love it).
I’ve been substitute teaching, or trying to. It’s kinda stressful, especially those classes that don’t behave well. I struggle with my sexual identity, so that’s like tons of stress. Struggle with family - no privacy, still living with parents, sister & her sons living with us, etc… I feel like I’m stuck in extended adolescence.
Hey, Andy. There’s a lot on your plate. Struggling with your identity and having no privacy and living in a maelstrom is enough to make you get a little turned around. Do you have someone to do some talk therapy with? When things get this challenging, it really does help to have someone to talk to. What’s going in on in your head is harsher than what’s going on on the outside. When you are this down, it is hard to focus on anything and commit to anything. I so get this. Seems like you may be spinning out of control a bit. First step: test. It’s simple and it gives you the most information to work with. High? Correct. Get back on the pod or at least MDI. You really need to get back on track. The best way to do this is to break it down into achievable goals. Your control is one of the things that you have the most control over. It also gives you immediate results and motivation. Even the smallest of improvements is a big achievement and you should take pride in it.
You are dealing with a lot – anyone faced with that much at once is going to stumble some. So rest assure – you’re human!! A lot of things sound like they may be out of control or things that may take some time to really set right. Control what you can – and that is your BG. It’s personal, private, only yours – -so take a hold on that one thing. Start by testing. I find that the more I test, the better the food choices I make. Small goals - manageable steps. You’ll feel physically better and things will sort out better in your head. And remember, psychiatrists and counselors are not one size fit all. If the ones you are seeing aren’t helping, try someone else. Every journey starts with just one small step. And when you take that first step, stop and take the time to pat yourself on the back for the tremendous victory. You’ve got a lot of us here rooting for you.
I recently have been reading the Canadian Diabetes Association Summer 2010 Edition Dialogue …on the front page, cover feature . : Coping with depression and diabetes " More than a physical condition ; the unique psychological challenges of diabetes" .
I feel for you !!
A few pointers I like to mention , which I hope are helpful : Spend time with people , every day ( it may not be the ones living under your roof as you mention your struggle with family ) .Create a network with those , who do want to give you a " friendly ear "and with whom you can discuss your condition .Make time for activities you enjoy doing , are rewarding and meaningful .Get a good night’s sleep as often as possible .Educate yourself : understanding both diabetes and mental health can help you to protect yourself .Find ways to cope with diabetes management and manage stress .And PLEASE yes, do get your BG numbers under control as said by others.
One step at the time !!
Andy, Keep reaching out and talking - You can overcome the depression – it takes time and kindness to yourself. The best thing you can do is to test your blood and then deal with it for one minute at a time. There are many challenges that you are facing - but you can do it. Trust that better days are coming. I haev suffered with long term depression too and it sucks! Hang in there my young friend – you are not alone. People care.
It sounds like you are having a terrible time and you are not alone. As for your bg, if it’s out of whack it just compounds everything else. That is the key to most of your troubles and once you get that sorted out, then you can start to work on some of the other stuff. It’s doable. As for all the meds you are taking for depression, you should be taking like one if it’s regular depression unless it’s something like bi polar? I’ve had depression and take Welbutrin so you might want to check this out and see if you can get yourself down to one med but certainly under a doctors care. Make sure that you have been diagnosed properly. Ask a pharmacyst is what I always do since they catch mistakes that doctors make most of the time. Take each day at a time and don’t overwhelm yourself with the rest of the week. My a goal even if it’s a small one and build yourself up. You need to be your own advocate in this world. Good luck and keep us posted.
Hi Andy,
I would ask the psychiatrist to test your free T-3’s and Free T-4’s as Emily said. Dr Bernsteins wife is a psychiatrist and he frequently mentions this as one of the first things she tests for in a new patient. Also I have read and heard of psychiatric medications causing BG to raise. You should inquire with the psychiatrist about that too.
As to your diet you are going have to buckle down and work on that and eat low carb. You know that already.
Have you reached out in the gay community for resources to help you or get involved in some of their functions? I have a couple of friends who are gay and there is nothing to be ashamed of. They have said that it has helped them being involved and helps take away the isolation.
Good Luck
Cant solve everything all at once. And there is no rule that say you can’t be happy about anything unless you are happy about everything.
I would work on the diet and blood sugar first. Thats just me. When you see a little progress there you can attack the next issue.
Line 'em up before you knock 'em down.
This is a tough one. I am sure everybody here is giving you very good advice. Can you surround yourself with positivity? If you are around the same environment that may keep you depressed. Do you know if your depression if from your struggle with your sexuality? Does your family accept you as you are? Have you been to any Pride celebrations? They are loads of fun.
The food you are eating is not good for depression or your body. It is normal for Diabetics especially Type 2’s to have depression. The food is only masking the true problems. Do you have an over eaters anonymous in your town? It may be a place to start with getting your food under control and a place of support. Do you have any friends or a support system outside of your family?
Please start with your meds and insulin. You are damaging your body without them. It will make you feel a little better. Then try to develop a support system. Goto meetup.com and look a hobby and start trying to do things outside of the house…
Its funny how us humans are. When we feel out of control, we search for something to control. For many of us, due to financial problems, or just life situations in general which we can not do much about, we turn to control ourselves. When my father ws sick and dying, I knew I could not do anything about that, so I stopped my insulin, did not eat right, because it was something I could be in charge of, whether it was good or bad, I could at least control the situation. Well, doing that sucks more than taking care of yourself. You have to make the decision you are either going to help yourself, or possibly even harm yourself. Only you can decide which path you are going to travel down. You can still lead an independant life if you live at home. Unfortunatly your students are going to not behave. Remember, you control yourself…You can get through this…GO BACK ON YOUR POD…got for walks…that will get you out of the house, get some exercise and fresh air. I know you have the strength to get past this, because you are already on the right path just by being on this site.
Andy, as others have said, diabetes and depression go together, and you have other stressors in your life besides diabetes. That adds to the stress. I hope you realize that it is perfectly normal to be depressed over your situation! I also hope you realize that out-of-control blood sugars are going to contribute to your depression – all of which can start a vicious spiral with both conditions. I’ve been there, done that, and have owned that book for a long time, so I know where you’re coming from. That said, please do start testing again. I suspect that when you are feeling most down in the dumps is when your bgs are the highest. Wouldn’t surprise me one single bit. I know that’s how it often is with me.
May I make one suggestion? I have long recommended this book to people who’ve been depressed or anxious. It’s written by a psychiatrist who has seen very good results from his patients who have tried it. It’s called The Feeling Good Handbook, written by David Burns, M.D. It’s cognitive-behavioral therapy, focusing on the so-called “irrational” thoughts we all have from time-to-time, such as always thinking the worst is going to happen. That book, along with your antidepression medications, can help with your depression.
As for the sexual identity confusion, maybe a few passages from Rabbi Harold Kushner’s book, How Good Do We Have to Be? A New Understanding of Guilt and Forgiveness might be helpful for you. While not Christian, Rabbi Kushner writes from a religious perspective and with a great deal of compassion. As I recall, the first two chapters might be especially meaningful for you. He’s another author I deeply respect, not because he’s religious, but because he stands by his principles and those principles are deeply felt and deeply thought out. They’re not abstractions for Kushner; they were the result of hard-lived knowledge, and that in particular resonates with me. I think it will also resonate with you.
Like Anna said, you can get through this. You are reaching out, and that is good. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and look now to the future. You can do it!