i love math. i’m good at it. i love eqations and percentages and i can rattle off the first twenty didgets of pi without batting an eye. mabee i just excell naturally. or mabee it’s because my life has been so centered on numbers for so long now that they’re always swimming in my head. i think it’s an obsession, which isn’t surprising as i am OCD. every number i see becomes a focus and i do constant equations to figure out how to change those numbers. the number on the meter is less than desirable, i change it. the number on the scale is less than desirable, i change it. this work has been both a help and hinderance to me. my monthly average of readings has been coming down and i’m certain that when i have my a1c checked at the end of the month it will be at least 1% lower. at the same time all i can do is focus on numbers. i have notebooks full of math problems and i don’t even know what i was trying to do when i worked them anymore. sometimes i wish i didn’t have to think about numbers all the time, but even if i was given a day without D, would i be able to stop obsessing?
