Had a horrible experience over the weekend in which a parent of a child my daughter dances with accused me of making “too big of a deal” about diabetes, “using my iPhone to calculate carbs” "and " drawing too much attention " to my daughter by my presence with her at events… My kid had endured three months of teasing at school (by his kid) for eating indian food at lunch (she also has celiac and can’t eat any school lunch) a strange twist iOS that he is a doctor, family practice, the head of a hospital and a supposed pillar if our community… Has anyone experienced negative feedback by others when your child’s chronic illness draws attention? I know this guy is a manipulative moronic narcissist, and his kid is following his example, but how do you deal with people like that? It was a terribly demeaning experience, I am also a physician, wish I had audiotaped it for all y’all to listen…
How to deal with people like that? Don't. I'm not the best at one line comebacks, but how about, "...And how I raise my child is your business because...?" or, "Gee. I thought close control of blood glucose levels was the key to avoiding dialysis and blindness down the road for my child - Did I misread the research?" or, "My dad taught me the best way to stop a bully is to break his nose...."(fist twitching) God. Where do you live? If it's near me I'll break his nose FOR you. How about "SHUT UP!!!!"
No parent wants to draw attention to the disease, at home or out in public. But even when done discreatly, people see, and comments or questions follow- well meaning or otherwise. But the fact is that safety always comes first. I don't have a bunch of advice for you, wish I could tell you to just punch him in the face! lol But this quote comes to mind....
"A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity, it dares all things, and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path."
~Agatha Christie
Just ignore him. He's ignorant, he has no idea what you have to deal with caring for your child's chronic illnesses, he has no idea.People like that want attention, just ignore him and tell your daughter to do the same with his kid, ignore them, pretend like they are not there. It sounds so childish, this guy has his nerve.
What to say. I'm convinced that nobody who has actually been affected by this personally really has a clue about it. Natalie, as a pediatrician, would your knowledge level on this topic be anywhere near the same level it is now as a mother? I doubt it. People will always be ignorant. Sometimes people are in positions (such as this guy) where we hope that they aren't, in which case it is especially upsetting and disappointing when they turn to be just as dumb as people we wouldn't have expected better from. My mother has been a practicing pediatrician for about 30 years--I am certain she learned more about diabetes in the past 6 weeks than all that time combined.... It's unfortunate though, when morons like this guy you had the problem with feel the need to shoot their mouth off...
Although a snappy comeback would certainly make you feel better, I think it is more important to instill in your daughter self confidence in every way you possibly can. By doing so you will enable her to withstand the inevitable teasing and outright harassment. Given a large enough sample there will always be a certain number of jerks and bully's. Growing up is tough enough without the added burden of diabetes.
You should be applauded for using the latest technology to achieve the best possible control, not castigated for it. As a physician I am curious as to why you think so many docs just don't seem to get it vis a vis diabetes? A shortcoming in medical school curriculum, or is our sample here on tuD skewed somehow?
Badmoon has some good ideas there!!! I don't do it well but it's really best to ignore ppl like that. Like I say I don't do it too goo at all but I have learned over the years that as long as ppl know it's bothering u the worst they will get
Sometimes, if I'm in a snarky mood, I'll ask someone where they obtained their degree in endocrinology. That usually shuts them up. If I'm feeling a little more patient, I will try to explain to them what I'm doing and why I have to do it. For example, in the situation you describe, I would explain what could happen if the amount of carbs is miscalculated. And how, back in the days before we did carb counting, BGs would swing wildly from highs and lows, thereby leading to really bad complications later in life. I would explain how what you're doing now is helping your daughter not only feel better in the moment (because her BGs are more stable) but also helping ensure she stays healthy for the long haul.
Just because he's a doctor means nothing. I have actually encountered more ignorance among medical professionals (who are largely accustomed to seeing and treating T2 diabetes) than I have in the general public. And this really, really scares me. I have a friend who is a GP and she frequently asks ME questions about dealing with patients who have diabetes. She explained that in med school there is very little attention devoted to diabetes in general, and even then most of it focuses on T2 diabetes. Unless a doc or medical professional is an endocrinologist, I pretty much expect they know next to nothing about T1.
Thanks we are in ky, yes, about control I did mention my daughters a1c is good, he said " I don’t worry about an a1c unless it’s over 9 … Has a huge inpatient practice which probably takes in cash, all of the icu stays and dka admissions… Poor control much more profitable for this guy apparently,
Thanks, I try to answer questions other kids ask if kennedy is uncomfortable, they come up often when the dance group sits down to eat together… Some about the pump, she’s not to the point she can just say" no thank you" when kids are passing around pizza and sharing food…
Yea a punch in the face would be warranted, I was actually scared he was going to punch me in the face, and when I said I was trying to figure out why he would be so angry, he said"don’t you try to pull that psychology crap on me" and “don’t you try to tell me my family is screwed up” I was floored! My best guess is narcissist type a controlling personality disorder with kid with histrionic tendencies, anyway, my daughter has had relief fr the teasing, so the emotional beating to me was worth it,
I thought the same thing, if he would speak that way to me, he must treat his wife an kids that way too, having a little explanation helps me understand the kids behavior and helps my daughter deal with the situation too… (she heard the whole thing)
Nope I’ve learned a lot in 11 months! We’re you diagnosed 6 weeks ago? Hang in there your mom is going to kick ■■■ for you! Have her look up some trials for you!!
We don’t exactly " work together". More competitors in our community, really, I do all outpatient, some disruptive healthcare, mobile app diagnostic development, advise m health Startups, corporate wellness, whereas he has traditional practice… But he could hurt my reputation for sure…
Hi natalie, so sorry this guy was so rude. it is so hard to respond to those situations and in hindsite you craft better responses or more evil ones! i would consider the source he is obviously not a nice person, but something like 'you would probably feel very different about this if your child was affected' i would like to say 'empathy works better from adults and from her classmates, kennedy and i have had a rough stretch with this with many more years to go" look in the eye and walk away strong! to bad his daughter is being so mean girls can be so cruel sometimes.. i really feel if spirituality, self awareness and kindness were taught to kids starting in kindergartin the world would be a better place and we would all function better as adults! best of luck! amy
I'm not a confrontational type person so I would probably just state "I'm doing what I feel is best for my child." Period. And I would just repeat as needed if the tirade continues. I've learned over the years that you're not going to change the mindset of someone like that so why waste the energy and emotions trying.
As someone once told me "you can't cure stupid". While this physician may be quite intelligent, he's still quite ignorant.
Best wishes to you and Kennedy! I'm sorry you had to deal with this guy. My daughter danced for 15 years and I was always with her at events (because I enjoyed watching her dance) as were many other parents... but some of those parents were so obnoxious. Don't let it get you down. You're doing a fantastic job for Kennedy. :)
Ha ha! Even the one endocrinology here thinks " people are too stupid to use pumps" yes, I did try to explain calorie king on the iPhone and how it helps and use the calculator for the occasional math problem to calculate for example how much Gatorade carb we have, he was just yelling at me saying “you are trying to make way too big of a deal of this” and even mentioned another local family saying " they dont make a big deal out of diabetes, he is 14 and not at all around at these events, he’s a tennis player… And they started the whole jdrf walk and are huge advocates, trained in dc recently for advocacy, etc…
The more I think about it now, the histrionic kid probably has had a hard time having attention drawn away from her when the group is together… Makes a little sense now… All of the other families (and children) in our group have been incredibly kind and thoughtful, inquisitive, yet caring, and many medical parents too
Ha ha! Yea, I really wish I had recorded to send to the peoria shooting “dance moms” it would blow away the episodes on the show!!
This guy sounds like an absolute idiot. I don't know what the guy is thinking. I am also in the medical community, working with physicians who are not endocrinologists (psychiatrists), and I calculate carbs on my iphone too. It really is dreadfully cumbersome, and it means I sit there forever trying to figure out the pump bolus while everyone I'm with either starts eating or waits....awkward either way. But no one has ever been anything but totally supportive.
I wonder what is going on in this guy's head. Frankly his behavior sounds too bizarre and intrusive for even a rude normal person. There is most likely something else going on.
Yes, I think you are right, the way he reacted to what I said about trying to understand why he was so angry with " don't try to pull that psychology crap on me" and then later " don't you try to tell me my family is screwed up' gave way to thinking that he has control issues, and possibly leading to other psychological and ?? even physical abuse at home... not my problem... but will keep a close eye on how he interacts with my family...
A1C of 9 ? Really ? Has he not even read the DCCT studies (which are quite old now) ?
Sounds like he is feeling guilty about the poor and out of date care he is giving his patients and reacting to someone doing a better job....