Mental/emotional effects


#1

Hi again everyone,

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m waging a war against myself. I received my LADA/Type 1 diagnosis a couple of weeks ago and since then, I’ve just been feeling a slew of all over the place thoughts and emotions. Maybe it would be easier to list them all out:
-I’ve been trying to eat low carb but I’m 23 with a busy life so I often falter. I feel guilty every time I eat something remotely high carb and then I feel even more guilty and disappointed in myself when I see the effect it had on my blood sugar. I’m planning on talking to my endo at my next appointment to see if we can introduce bolus insulin so that I don’t feel so restricted and I’m hoping that will help that somewhat.
-I haven’t told anyone besides my family about this diagnosis because I don’t really know what to tell them. Am I diabetic? Technically, no. Am I on insulin? No, but there are occasions when it probably would help. That’s confusing enough to me, I can’t imagine how difficult it would be for someone else to comprehend. It’s just the fact that with LADA/adult onset type 1, so much isn’t really able to be labeled or put into a box. Because of that, I’d almost rather just not bring it up at all to avoid being asked more questions that I’m not even sure I have the answers to.
-Feeling a weird desire to hide this from the public. In my heart, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of the fact that my pancreas is deciding to give out on me but I still find myself wanting to test discretely even around strangers. Maybe it’s because I don’t want questions, maybe it’s because I myself haven’t fully accepted that this is happening and it will make it more real the more people who know. I’m not sure. I can just tell that my actions aren’t matching what I feel inside and I don’t know why.
-Worries about the future are constantly floating around for me. My insurance covers one type of fast acting insulin and one type of long acting insulin at a relatively reasonable price ($35 per month and $10 per month respectively) which I am extremely grateful for. But I’m 23 and I can’t help but think about what will happen if when I finish graduate school, I can’t find a job right away and I age out of my parents policy.

I’m not sure if the purpose of this post was for advice, to vent or just to have someone say that I’m not crazy for feeling this way but thanks in advance for anything you can offer.


#2

If it would help, I could PM a couple graphs of my T1D.

Only point being (if it would help?) to show you that based on what I recall from your previous posts, it does not sound like your BG are a problem if we were looking at it from our point of view.

Clearly everybody has their own definition of what is acceptable for BG ranges for themselves. Hence, I have no intention of posting our BG graphs for general public consumption.
:stuck_out_tongue:


#3

Welcome to TuDiabetes, @Jas4609. You made a good choice to participate here. I find that writing out whatever is troubling me helps me to process it and make things less strange.

You are diabetic. A doctor has looked at your glucose metabolism and detected a fault consistent with a failing glucose metabolism. Diabetes exists along a spectrum of symptoms. Some people, like yourself, need no insulin to get by and some people need a lot of insulin. Some people are even able to get by without insulin for years but it can be a struggle to control with only diet and exercise. Whether you take insulin or not does not determine whether you have diabetes or not.

It will take some time to adjust to your new situation. Your inclination to be discreet around your new testing requirement is one way you’re trying to cope with your new normal. You may find that your feeling about your new health status will change with the passage of time. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you didn’t have diabetes, but a best friend just found out s/he did, what advice would you give them? We sometimes find it hard to extend the kindness we would show a friend to ourselves.

Believe it or not, many of us who have lived with diabetes for many years still find it hard to explain to acquaintances and other social contacts what they might inquire about. People are generally only interested in simple explanations. If someone were to notice your testing and wanted to know what you’re doing, you could say something like, “I have diabetes and I need to know what my blood sugar is doing so that I can make good choices and feel my best. It’s kind of a pain but I’m getting used to it.” People will look for your lead about how to think about it.

Worries about the future are natural. You will need to face certain realities, but these challenges, with thought, planning, and the help of those who care about you can be overcome. You don’t have to figure all this stuff out yourself. This community has deep experience and is happy to share with you and brainstorm solution to unusual situations.

Please come back with any questions or concerns you may have. The mental and emotional things you’re feeling now and you ability to recognize them and communicate about them is your job for the time being. It’s a healthy response to the rude reality life has dumped on you.

You can live a full and adventurous life with diabetes. I was diagnosed at 30. I had a full career, traveled the world, got my college degree as an adult, and even lived on a sailboat for 15 years. Diabetes didn’t stop any of that.

Good luck and please stay in touch. We’re here for you!


#4

our community was founded in 2007 by someone with LADA, and we have lots of folks with great understanding of it. the advice I most often pass along to newly dx’d LADAs is this one

I would say you’d be crazy for NOT feeling overwhelmed. There’s a lot of stuff to process here, take it one step at a time.


#5

If you want to talk about it I would love to - I also was diagnosed very recently and have been fielding all sorts of emotions (mostly fear). I am not as young as you but not that old either (I am in my early 30’s). I ended up not having antibodies but based on c-peptide and high postprandial my endo said I have LADA.

Right now I am mostly concerned with my daughter’s future (she’s only 2 months old right now) and if I am going to pass this down to her. My endo has assured that while higher than the general public she still has a relatively low risk at 2-5%. I always wanted two kids but am debating not having another because I don’t know if I want to pass the genes along. I am adopted so I don’t have any family medical history.

I fear food right now and actively try to eat even lower carb because I hold my breath every time I test. I was a foodie before (at healthy but enjoyed trying new restaurants, etc) and now I have stopped that out of fear. I have a sample of fasting acting insulin but haven’t used it yet as I’m not sure I want to yet because my two hour come down to 80-100 even if I am in the high 180-190 earlier.

I have told some family and friends and many try to be supportive but also they make me more worried. They tell me stories of the people they knew who lost limbs, went blind, have been hospitalized with complications, and died of kidney failure so it just perpetuates my fears. One of my friends though put me in contact with someone she went to grad school with who has had a very full life and just had a child (was diagnosed with t1 at 10 and is now in her mid 30s). This person firmly believes that while life will be more difficult it hasn’t held her back so I’m trying to focus on this perspective but I won’t lie it’s been rough and I’ve shed a ton of tears.

Anyways I just wanted to say I would be up to messaging together as I think we are in similar spots with our diagnosis.


#6

You’re not crazy. But if you do start taking insulin you should let people know so that they can understand. You could also wear a medic alert id bracelet if you are diagnosed. Could be a casual way of thinking and talking about it to others. I’ve always had insurance, but that could be a concern. If you are diagnosed you should have insurance. And they have insurance here in the us at least for people who can’t afford it. The government insurance called Medicaid. I’m sure it covers insulin.


#7

Terry,

Thank you for explaining that I truly am diabetic. I guess I always thought that being diabetic was about requiring insulin (although I suppose I should have realized that this wasn’t the case since many Type 2’s don’t take insulin and I still considered them diabetic). It may take time before I’m fully able to embrace the fact that that label applies to me as well and not feel the urge to hide it from the world but I think that I can at least begin to accept it. Embracing it will hopefully come with time :slight_smile:

Thank you!


#8

Messaged you! :wink: