My Mom Hurt My Feelings

Not real bad, but my Mom hurt my feelings. Now, no picking on Mom. She's great, lives next door, is of invaluable to help to me and the family, and went to all the diabetes training that my daughter, husband and I attended. However, today during a discussion, I said that between Clara and I, we probably spent an hour a day accommodating her D (calculating carbs, testing, changing sites, whatever) plus the time I spent reading about D. She replied, "You're borderline obsessed with it." When I reminded her that my daughter could die, she amended her statement to "It's the most important thing to you right now."

I, myself, have a somewhat ambivalent feelings toward D. On one hand, our family is well organized, and we all have a gotta-do-what-you-gotta-do attitude. Clara's D has been easy to manage so far (since Dec.) and on a day-to-day basis, it's not that big of a deal. However, I assume this ease won't go on forever, and it's a disease that will impact many, many of the decisions our family makes and that Clara will make throughout her (hopefully) long life. It IS a big deal.

So, what I'm looking for is a little reassurance: Cindy, an hour a day is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to spend on something so important. Or something along those lines. Please.

It is reasonable to be doing research for an hour a day, especially when you aren’t exactly a seasoned Vet yet.

I’ve been T1 for almost 13 years now and I still do research on the products and side effects, especially when something baffles me

Shes your child and its your responsibility to make sure shes the healthies she can be and that is exactly what your research is helping you do :slight_smile:

Well I guess I’m “borderline obsessed” with my diabetes too! :slight_smile: Here is your reassurance: “An hour a day is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to spend on something so important” :slight_smile: And I mean it. I think that while we can’t let this disease drag us down, we must also remember, as you said, that it is life-threatening. I hate to let that thought cross my mind so much but it’s really necessary that I don’t forget it. It’s kind of like driving; people do it so much that they forget how dangerous it can be. I deal with my diabetes so much that I tend to forget how dangerous it can be if I don’t take care of it. So never feel like the time you are committing to keeping your daughter alive is “unreasonable”! Good job, Mom! :slight_smile:

I think you are being too hard on your mom…let it go. She always has your best interests in mind and if she says something which hurts your feelings, remember that she might have meant something else or there could be some other explanation for it. As a rule, mothers are always looking out for you and even though you might feel that they are not being compassionate, they always are. Just my 2 cents.

Cindy I had someone say this to me once esp when I was at my lowest and having a hard time with diabetes and like you I was hurt how dare they say I am obsessed because if I was not I dont think I would be doing as well as I am right now thank you very much!!!1

I also took sometime to think about it and figured maybe they was saying this because they wanted some time with me instead of all the hassle with diabetes but honestly it cant be helped.I am sure your mum never ment to heart your feelings.
Diabetes is a 24/7 subject and ppl that dont have it in their lifes find that hard to understand so an hour seems ok to me.

I am pretty sure if she had something that could easily take her life, if not managed aggressively, she’d be pretty ‘obssessed,’ too… We all are. We don’t have much of a choice… but that’s life. We do what we have to do… It is more than perfectly reasonable… It’s human, and necessary.

Cindy- If you are comfortable with the amount of time you spend on making sure you are safe and your daughter is safe, that is the PERFECT amount of time. As long as you are satisfied with what you do, you KEEP DOING IT! You are doing a great job. Do NOT doubt yourself. :slight_smile:

How about this. One hour is less time than most people watch TV and an hour to learn to care for your child. This is a hard choice for me, NOT!!! LOL

It’s very hard for anyone, even your own mom who attended training, to understand what it’s like day-to-day. Call me obsessed, but I spend more than 1 hour a day managing diabetes. I’ve never really thought about actual time spent, though it’s constant.

Diabetes sure isn’t taking a couple of pills & forgetting about it. It’s a disease that demands consistent monitoring, adjusting & researching to stay healthy. There’s no set formula & how much easier it would be if there were!

You’re setting a wonderful example for Clara for when she has to manage diabetes herself. She’s learning the proper way to handle it.

Cindy, an hour or more is a completely reasonable amount of time to keep Clara healthy & happy! I’d be very hurt if someone told me this. Yes indeed, it’s the most important thing you can do for your child.

Hmm. When Clara begins taking care of herself on her own, she may spend even more (than an hour) time with it. It’s NOT a bad thing. If it were my child with diabetes instead of me, I might spend even more time on “living with” diabetes than I do now. The hours spent daily on my Type 1 diabetes - being a diabetic is part of my normal life. 1 hour? No way Jose! I feel my best when I’m on top of everything, and that requires I put some time and effort into it. Sometimes I’m only up to putting time into it (and don’t feel like putting in the effort).

I think your mom is doing just what you are doing: worrying about your child. Just like you worry about Clara, your mom worries about you (as she also worries about Clara, no doubt).

Of course Clara’s diabetes is HUGE in your life. You are doing all the right things to help Clara and to empower yourself with knowledge and a healthy support group for YOU. (That’s being here at Tu!) It sounds like Mom’s concerned that it’s having a negative affect on you and your life. She may fear you are being swallowed up (consumed) by Clara’s diabetes to the point of forsaking yourself and your own happiness and, being your mom, she wants YOU to be happy too. She’s your Mom. She loves you. She may be in need of YOUR assurance too! :slight_smile:

So here’s my take/advice: Realize Mom may be noticing some change in you that’s beginning to concern her. You might examine your current activities and make sure you are taking time out to care for you too. Also, she’s human and may not deliver this message in a happy way. Mom needs your reassurance that your life hasn’t boiled down to Clara and Clara’s diabetes and that’s it. She loves her granddaughter, and she also loves her daughter.

If you have “ambivalent feelings toward D” yet respond to Mom’s concern with “my daughter could die!” you are not sending a reassuring message to Mom that you are handling things well. (I know you are handling things VERY well Cindy!) Pulling out the end-all be-all probably made her even more worried, yet she responded carefully to you, because she wasn’t intending to upset you - and was probably reminding herself that of course this is front and center in your life! It IS huge! I’ll bet she wishes she could fix it all for both you and Clara.

Clara’s diabetes is new to your family. Since your mom has been so involved, know that it’s affecting her too. Both of your hearts are in the right place. There’s just a whole lot of love going on there! Diabetes can push the limits of everyone in a family. Patience, understanding, and support is going to continue to get you all through. And YES there is a place ahead when this will be easier for all of you! :slight_smile:

You are doing a GREAT job Cindy!!! And I’m so glad you are here!!! (Only one hour? Sheesh! LOL)

Oh my, you are very sweet. You’re right, my Mom loves me like I love Clara. Good point.