So this guy sits with me and my friends at lunch and almost everyday he makes a joke about my diabetes or my pump. I dont want to leave the table cause all my friends are there so Monday when I get back to school even if he doesnt say anything im going to say this... " Hey you need to be quiet and stop makeing stupid hurtful jokes about either me on the pump or about diabetes. Dont say you dont cuz people have heard you.You dont know what its like to be me so you just need to stop it. You think your jokes are funny but they arent. I may look fine on the outside when you tease me but really im hurting on the inside.
That's exactly what you should say to him. You rock. Keep your head high & look him straight in the eye, What a jerk (if this wasn't a PG 13 site, I'd say something stronger). People should be called on intentionally hurtful remarks. I was brought up to immediately stand up against racist, sexist or derogatory statements. Obviously, this guy has no manners & needs to told how to behave.
I wouldn't even stress the pain, if he is a bully or a dork, he is probably oblivious to it. I agree with Gerri and would tell him to shut the hell up. Or something stronger? Maybe your approach is more diplomatic/ mature/ grown up. Do you have any sample jokes? Most kids don't think stuff like this is "funny" at all and are sort of trained at that.
Sure does hurt, very much. Making jokes at someone else's expense is the lowest. Standing up to jerks is empowering & I'm proud of you. Who could you tell that could do something?
Oops, I was typing slow and saw your explanation after I hit "add". He sounds like a jerk and you shouldn't have to stand for that. I hate people like that and I applaud you for not punching him in the face.
School counselor is a good route. How do your friends react to his obnoxous comments? Wouldn't hurt to have them back you up after you tell him to stop. Nothing like peer pressure to shame people into behaving.
Anna, good for you for standing up for yourself. I hope that, if/when you do it, your friends will see it, too. Maybe they'll be more willing to step forward another time when they see someone voicing hurtful nonsense like this.
Good friends! I would go to the counselor with your friends (great idea to have them there) even if he does stop. Would be helpful to have this guy's behavior on record. If he's doing this to you, no doubt he's acting the same to other people. They may not be as strong as you in standing up to his abuse.
I agree with everyone. Stand up for yourself is a good idea. I'd just make one adjustment to the advice given:
You should do it one-on-one. Many times, people's initial reaction to confrontation in a group setting is to get immediately defensive. If you approach him alone and just give him a casual, "Hey, not sure if you know this but your jokes are hurtful," he might feel less like you attacked him. Just advice. But I still agree that something should be said.
Anna, as a teacher I can tell you that it is very important that a staff member knows this is going on. As mentioned, if he is doing it to you, he most likely is doing it to others and that behavior cannot be tolerated. We do not see or hear everything so any help is appreciated. Be strong.
Anna, proud of you as usual! The only thing I'd add to the great suggestions you got is to be really calm and soft-spoken when you talk with him. If you're angry or upset, that'll be a victory for him. Being calm about it shows strength, and he'll hear you better (I hope) if he's not reacting to a tirade. Easier said than done, I know! I agree with ar, I would be tempted to pop him one.
Agree, try to keep calm and don't show yourself upset, just very determined. That kind of people enjoy getting others upset, they feel as they can control them.
As for to tell him one on one ore with your friends, depends on how you feel and how bad he is. Do you think is there a chance for him to change behaviour ? Tell him one on one as Mike said.
But I don't think so, being told by your friends and not stopping joking at you.
Tell your parents. Get your parents to demand a conference with the principal, the bully, and the bully's parents. In no uncettin terms, have the principal and the bully's parents tell the bully that the behavior must stop or there will be consequences at school and at home.
Schools take this kind of behavior very seriously these days. There should be a school-wide policy in place already. If there is not, the school needs to work on one. It's good that the councelor knows, but every adult on the campus is just as responsible.
I agree that the "high ground" may be desirable in many situations. In certain "teen angst" scenarios I can conceive of, it may be better to adopt a more agressive dialogue. I was going to post "straight outta compton" but I forgot about some of the less than savory lyrics for our familial website.
Still, Ice Cube dined at a restaurant I was working at (TGIF!) during the early 90s and I shook his hand and said "keep up the fight" or something like that.
Actually what I would do is one of the following(depending on your situation) What would be nice(although it will cost you something) is to go buy a package of 10 insulin needles and when he insults you make him pretend that he also is a diabetic and it's time for his injection. (Actually has to inject the empty needle into him.) The second option would be to make him apologize in front of everybody for his actions. You and your friends could not associate with him until he apologizes
That's the way to do it! I had a 'friend' who continually jabbed at me, all during the weekday. Finally, I asked him if he wouldn't stop saying hurtful things about me, and why did he do it? His answer? "How else are you going to know that I like you, and I want to be your friend?" I then said, "Well, will you consider me your enemy from now on? Maybe you'll say NICE things about me for a change!" Some people just don't understand how to treat people properly. AND, possibly they were brought up like that. Strange as it seems...
