I have to say. It was really great to get so many people to acknowledge that I joined TuDiabetes. I feel like this is going to be a great resource for me and my journey through T1D. I have to apologize right from the get go; my thoughts are all over the place and I think this may jump all over the place…
I thought maybe this would be a great place to start journal-ing what I’ve been going through since hearing my Dr. say “I think you have diabetes”. Roughly 14 years ago I was diagnosed with auto-immune hypothyroidism. Since then I have been diagnosed with severely dry eyes (which the Dr also believes is auto-immune related) and now T1D. I never thought there was a possibility that I could have diabetes. I started feeling run down, dry skin, excessive hair loss…all the typical signs that my thyroid levels were off. Eventually I decided to head to the Doc to get my blood work that I had been avoiding for about 6 months. This go around I went to a new doctor that wanted to run ALL the test…I couldn’t remember the last time my cholesterol, triglycerides, and glucose had been checked.
I knew something was wrong when my Dr called me at 8AM the day after I had the blood work done. Rarely have I experienced a doctor that takes the time to call their patients directly rather than having their nurse call, so I knew it couldn’t be good. I thought maybe my thyroid levels were really off or I had high cholesterol…I never expected to hear him say that he thought I had diabetes and needed to do more blood work ASAP.
My fasting glucose was 400! I kept thinking to myself there is no way my glucose is that high; there must have been something wrong with the test. Heck, I could sit down and eat half a bag of jelly beans and didn’t feel terrible after, so there’s no way I have diabetes…right? I picked up the paperwork for my second round of lab tests I see “Diagnosis: Type 1 Diabetes” at the bottom. I kept thinking, my doctor is young, just 5 years out of school, he has to be wrong. There’s no way someone my age could have TYPE 1!
After getting my second round of blood work I did some serious “google-ing”. I’m an engineer, but I come from a family with a medical background and understand quite a bit. I knew what having diabetes meant for me in terms of how it damages my body, affects my life expectancy, and can affect my ability to have children (in the near future). I was crushed and torn about whether I wanted my doctor to be right about if I had Type 1 or Type 2. Rationalizing it, type 1 meant it wasn’t my fault and it was something I was born with; easier for me mentally, but harder to control and harder on my body. Type 2 meant that at 27 I trashed my body; harder mentally, but easier to control. Either way, to me, the outcome wasn’t good.
After my second round of blood work my Dr’s nurse call me. I thought, maybe it isn’t as bad as he thought if he has his nurse call this time. Then the ugly truth….it was bad enough that the nurse was just told to schedule me an appointment to see him ASAP because my lab results concerned him.
Even though I went into my Dr’s office knowing that I was going to hear “You have D” I wasn’t really prepared for it. My doctor just said your insulin is very low and your glucose and H1C are very high so I believe you have T1D and jumped right in telling me all the things I needed to start doing and all the new prescriptions I needed to fill immediately. The next thing I know, I’m getting a shot and told, “now, you have to do this every day. Do you think you can do that?”
I still haven’t decided if being T1D was better or not. I think on some level it allowed me to quickly accept it and jump straight into treatment, but it was still a blow. For my family (most with a medical background) I tried my best to keep a strong face and act like everything was ok. I didn’t want to make them worry or think that I was struggling with everything. Eventually the weight of it all broke me down and I found myself falling. I was ready to say the heck with it and just live my life as I had been and what happened, happened….I didn’t really care. (Fortunately that phase didn’t last long.)
I’m lucky to have a very supporting husband was willing to do whatever it took to get me on the right track. The only time my husband struggled was when I tried to tell him that I wasn’t ok mentally and needed his help. I was always trying to put on a brave face and be the same happy go lucky gal, which can be a bit confusing when I start saying I need help. Even with going through this and trying to express what I was feeling I don’t think he ever understood. I also don’t think he can ever fully understand what I am going through unless he goes through it too, but he is trying. I really hope this site can become a great support group for me in my life with T1D and I can take some of the burden off of my family…I’m sure they are more than tired of hearing me complain about how my BG skyrocketed for no apparent reason!