Dx’d in '83 and you’d think I’d be used to it by now… and mostly I am. But right now I’m NOT!
This seems to happen whenever I have to go through some significant evolution in my treatment. DC: “Diabetic Claustrophobia.” That closed-in feeling, harking back to those first months after dx. For me, looking down as the needle punctured my skin and thinking “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” and “I can’t believe I’m going to have to keep doing this!”–that held on for quite a while. Nothing quite repeats that experience but you definitely get flashbacks to it, or I do. That holy crap I’m a diabetic! feeling. Those severe R/N hypos sure did it, but I guess I got used to 'em. Switching from R/N to basal-bolus MDI 20 years later, having to learn all that carb counting, testing your ratios and whatnot definitely put it back in my face in that DC kind of way. Though it was such an improvement in quality of life that it faded pretty quickly. It was much more of a problem ten years later when I finally let myself be talked into trying a pump. Reluctant precisely because I knew it would mean I’d have to give the D a lot more concentrated attention again and that meant struggling with DC, and I was right. Took me forever to get the damn thing really dialed in, and the frustration of it, the feeling that you’re stuck with this and it’s screwing with your life and you have to have to have to. This unnatural thing plugged into you, tube getting caught on stuff, yanked out, BGs way worse than they used to be–why???—for weeks. The Big D. All. Up. In. Your. Grille. Diabetic Claustrophobia. Getting a CGM too, though maybe there I’d already built up more tolerance just from the pump thing. I’ve had other bouts with it too. Mostly not. Mostly it’s ok. You get it routinized, it’s just part of the wallpaper.
But I am DEFINITELY going through it now with having my 4 year warranty up on my first pump and deciding what to do next. The manufacturers all want you to be excited, like you’re buying a new car or something, when actually I feel the opposite. I. Don’t. Want. To. Have. To. DEAL WITH THIS. They all have nice features, considered in the abstract, and they all have things that are going to start to SUCK after living with them 24/7 for months, and I’m going to just have to live with whatever I choose and I. Don’t. Want. To. Have. To. DEAL WITH THIS.
Ok, rant over. I know what would really suck: not having access to this technology, not having insurance, going into DKA and dying, yes, I know. I know. I’m being a WATB, I know. But just to get it out of my system… DC. It sucks.
Here’s a random suggestion. Get sample pens of Tresiba and a bolus insulin with a box of pen needles from your endo and use those couple weeks of MDI (which you already know well how to do) to figure out what your pump future should be (you could try afrezza too).
With this little experiment going on, you’ll have some time to do your research when you’re in the mood and will get a chance to revisit the relative advantages and disadvantages of Pump v. MDI. If you decide MDI sucks, that will definitely help rekindle your enthusiasm for a new pump.
I’ve been on the fence about getting a pump for the better part of 5 years. I completely understand the advantages but I do really well with MDI (emphasis on the M) so I remain on the fence. The CGM is critical, but you know that already.
Another suggestion is to wait a while. Your out of warranty pump won’t self destruct, and if it does fail, MDI for a short time is always an option. Maybe once 670 is actually released, you could gets a hands on trial to test out the sensor accuracy.
I have 3 years on my warranty, but I would still insist on hands on trial before giving up dexcom. And by then, there will be other options with dexcom integration.
I understand your frustration! I have MS (along with diabetes), food allergies, hypothyroidism…the list goes on. I’m definitely having a day that I DON"T WANT TO DEAL WITH ALL THIS. To power through today, though, I keep thinking that I am happy that it’s (finally) spring, and am hoping for a nice hike this weekend. I hope some relief finds you, soon!
These shifting landscapes in our self-care, as this scourge evolves in our bodies, are not just disconcerting. They make us once again acknowledge that any so-called “control” is ultimately not in our hands, no matter how experienced we are.
I know nothing about pump technology except what I read here. I understand that it can make a huge difference in the quality of one’s life. I do know that in a similar circumstance, my instinct would be to get references from friends and colleagues who I trust…
Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you and interested in what you decide…Blessings…
It seems that having options (however wonderful) often elicits anxiety, at least for me. I can stand in the aisle at Target and be overwhelmed by how many types of shampoo there are. So much so that after spending a ton of time reading the labels with precious but sometimes squirmy children in tow, I give up and leave without buying any. Which honestly feels like the best choice when I’m standing in the middle of the aisle and overwhelmed. It’s only when I get home that I’m frustrated I didn’t buy the very first bottle I saw so that at the very least my hair would be clean.
I know this is not a fair analogy. This choice cannot possibly be likened to the purchase of a shampoo bottle. And yet, you will make a choice, one that is based on thorough research. And after you do, you will settle into life with this new, clingy friend at your side. And I suspect the spinning and second-guessing will quiet for a bit. I hope so, anyway.
Wish you could be spared this choice. Wish we all could.
P.S. remind me why the omnipod isn’t an option for you?
Definitely a good rant! We can all understand…we have all had those moments but to echo everyone else take it s moment at a time and seek for the brighter side of the situation. I feel deep down that if I did not have diabetes I would be a different person and not necessarily a better person.i have learned to take care of my health…eating, sleeping, exercising, managing stress!
Man, I must be alone in the way I feel about my diabetes journey of 46 years.
Lente/regular for 25 or so years. I gave myself a shot twice a day and went about my business, sometimes got low so I ate some candy. Didn’t pay much attention to diabetes because not much I could do do about it.
Started MDI and A1c tests about 20 years ago and, wow, I could actually do something about diabetes. I strived for great A1c’s and tested on my neat Bg meter 12-20 times per day. And hey, I only ended up in the hospital a few times. No big deal. I lived.
Eleven years ago the Dexcom came along. Now no more hospital trips to the emergency room. Whoop whoop!
So there it is, 46 years, still on MDI, never wanted a pump, hardly ever noticed I had diabetes.
No big deal- no drama. I thank the Lord that I’m so lucky.
I hope some relief finds you, soon!