Parents make mistakes, too

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1

Before I sleep, I look outside the window, the world is wide awake and so am I. The skies are gray, the trees are dark, and the light outside comes in small bits and pieces. The night lamp outside is not too bright and passing cars make light run through the window blinds every few minutes.

Once more, tonight, like many nights in the past, I am on a midnight watch, watching over my son. Fear is a strong presence, but Faith arrived as well. Faith has proven a loyal friend, and can take any argument Fear throws my way. So far, Faith has won everytime. Faith never argues alone but keeps Hope and Love on speed dial. Just in case. You never know when it's a full house after midnight. And I must always be ready.
I felt such guilt. You see, I was so tired that I ordered out when in the back of my mind I heard all the warning signs to get my tired behind up and cook a homemade meal, not take out.

I can't explain it. I just had a bad feeling.

The price paid for take-out was high sugar levels that lasted for a few hours. I began to give him a correction and lots of water. All I heard in my head was, "What a horrible mom you are! Shame on you!" Fear walked in and stared me in the face. I silently prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me. Yes, Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for the excuse of being too tired. Forgive me for not listening to the warning in my spirit. That's when Faith walked in and Hope followed.

My son's sugar levels went back to normal but they were pretty high for a while. I prayed and asked the Lord to teach me to be the parent my son needs. Help me, Lord. For each time I think I am learning something new, I see a billion areas that still need improvement.

Faith and Hope stood with me tonight and reminded me that I have to learn to believe I will make the best decisions for my son. Faith reminds me that trusting my heart and my instincts will never fail. Faith tells me that I am not alone in my walk as the mom of a Type 1 Diabetic child. Last time to check my son's sugar. He is asleep. Relief fills my heart but then again, Faith and Hope had promised me good news was near. I kiss my son, good night and smile as Fear walks away and slams the door behind. Faith and Hope smile back and let me know they'll hand around til morning.

I am ready to nod off. With a grateful heart, I turn off the lights and attempt to sleep. Once more, I pray for wisdom, guidance, and the ability to make better choices every day. Even in small things like ordering take-out. Never thought you'd read about a ridiculous thing like this, right? But, maybe you're a parent, a tired one, that has worked late hours or was sick and this idea comes into your mind like it did with me. Follow your heart. Your heart is faithful and true. Create and have a back up plan. I know I will from now on.

Lesson learned: Plan ahead and prepare extra food when you imagine you might have a super busy schedule. Better some healthy left overs, than unhealthy take out.

Read Blog, Diabetic Mom's Journal

PARENTS MAKE MISTAKES, TOO

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2

One blessing i had as a child of a type 1 was the terrific sense to understand that fault is not a word we should imply or assign. I saw many diabetic mistakes in my life, eating out, too little or too much insulin etc. It is important to know we do the best we can and that we have to let the other parts ride. After 39 years, I know I have made countless mistakes and each one is a repeat of something i have already done.

There are no perfect diabetics, or no perfect mom or dads, just like there are no perfect doctors, CDE's or ER staff. We cannot expect perfection and we cannot demand it of ourselves. Once my mom had an accident in the parking lot where she worked and frankly she had retinopathy and would soon have early laser surgery. Dad knew she was not seeing well and they both were distraught. In fact they worried so much that 5 years later when mom was blind they thought back and realized how much they had both missed the five years she could see reasonably well. when mom did go blind both cried and cried for vacations no taken, fun not had, sights not seen.

Yes it was a difficult time, but we had 15 more years with my mom. Yes she was blind, yes they tried everything and worked with her blood sugar every day. and yes they made mistakes, then when I was 17 I was dx'd. From that experience, I also learned that we must look forward. Yes we make mistakes, yes we do not always make the right decisions. What we cannot do is go backwards. we have to go forward and once again do the best we can. We cant get our time back, we need to celebrate who we are with and where we are going in the future.

Bless the moms who keep watch, the dads who are vigilant and the doctors, nurses, CDE's and hospital staff who do the best they can. Diabetes is to blame, not those who try our best and come up short sometimes.

I think they both learned that diabetes is hard enough to look forward let alone backward. Mom said they had to decide to look forward and not be dumb

3

Thank you for sharing, Mr. Rick. I can definitely understand what you mean. That's my desire when I share, to show that although I mess up, we all tend to do it every now and then, but not to stay there. Oh, I am still learning and know I will never know it all. I do believe I will gain a lot from what you have shared when you said in missing the five years and no one could go back. Most assuredly focusing on what is before me. Thank you for your words. They mean a lot.

4

I also think, it's totally fine to feel tired, to feel so tired that you sometimes choose something that releases it little bit even if the choise did not seem to be the optional one. I've made it many times and will do... But in the end I still do fine.

I've learned a lot too.... how to correct high BG:s.... and/or learned not.

Blessing to you Mom, you do great, even when you just try. And it's also important to give oneself a rest.

Must also tell. My mum's biggest fear were the low BG:s. So, I had too high BG:s during my childhood. She also turned to faith and hope and... despite me being on the edge of tipping over in serious complications, everything ended well. Today, I'm faraway from the edge.

And I also must tell, all my siblings and I have passed out by low BG:s. Those cases happened though when we have already became adults. Because of mistakes that are out of our controls sometimes.
But we still going strong.

5

Kian, you are so right. We do get tired and frustrated but the important thing is to keep going. My heart is to share that even when we mess up, we don't sit and mope around. We have to keep going and believe we can do better next time. I'm sorry for the times things have been hard for you. Keep going strong! There's no other way to do it. You are strong indeed!