My family being no stranger to the disease throughout multiple generations it was a health concern I was far too familiar with. In saying so, this past summer I met a guy who was in every sense my partner in love and life and yes even crime. He was very open to the fact that he was living and surviving with type 1 diabetes. As our relationship developed the context and information about how he handled it all and the steps required to maintain his disease became very unknown and in a way secretive. He was diagnosed his freshman year in high school and now as we are graduating together this year he is still very new to the mental struggles of the disease. I am doing my best to stand by him throughout his battles both emotionally and physically but he still remains almost seemingly embarrassed of his type 1. He has been wrongfully teased since his diagnosis because everyone in the general public assumes because he is a big guy his diabetes is a result of obesity. However he is young and far beyond muscular and just generally big; standing 6ā5 255 lbs college football commit body, he towers over my 5ā2 125 lbs body. He is self conscious as people have pushed him to be. I am his number one fan but I want to figure out why this is such a wall for him to overcome. Trying to get an insight to how this is emotionally on him. Months ago he was fearful of my judgement on him even refusing to test in front of my nonetheless him dose after or before our meals together. After this past incident at my house he finally opened up slightly to me. He was shaky and extremely sweaty, me not knowing if it was from the workout he had previously done was naive to the symptoms he was presenting of low blood sugar. He tested in front of me for the first time at a 29. I at the time did not know what that meant and did everything he directed me to do to get him back to a normal state. His speech was slurred even his logic hazed, I was worried. That weekend he visited colleges his mom gave me a run down on insulin, testing before driving, and even how to inject him myself if needed. Since then he has been more open even allowing me to dose him before eating our meals together.** My main outreach to you all is this: How can I help him more? Are there things I should be aware of in the future? and lastly, is there a medium between being his āDiabetes Naziā , as he calls it, and just being there to help?**
welcome to the club, that i wish no one to join, & to tud. there is a lot of type-1 partners here. hope to see you in the chat or the forum.
Welcome to the community, sorry youāre here :-/
Wonderful questions; like all the best ones, not so easy to answer. If I were him, Iād be grateful to have a caring companion who wants to be helpful. Thatās huge, and donāt underestimate the value of just being there say, when he injects. Right now, he seems embarrassed to treat in front of you, but for us T1s, BG tests, injections (pumping for me) and more BG testing is what normal means. Itās what keeps us alive. Maybe (and Iām guessing) the best thing you can do right now is to just be in the same room when he tests, or injects. Not saying anything special, not doing anything special, just hanging. Being normal.
I doubt that was helpful, but I think in time you two will find that caring about each other goes a long way to working out what āhelpfulā means.
One of the biggest problems about T1 is that it tends to strike people at the ages when everyone is struggling to establish their identity, and thus are most sensitive to being cast as Different. Those of us who contracted it when we were older (I was 28) generally escape this most difficult psychological aspect, but for the younger ones it can be severe and it tends to live on into adult life. He has to know you respect his boundaries about this, but at the same time I think it could be very helpful for him to be in a relationship where this aspect of his life is not something he has to feel shame about. Obviously thatās a very delicate matter and no one standing outside the relationship can advise you on exactly how to manage it. But I think understanding where it comes from is an important start.
Iāve Ben T1 for about 27 years now, diagnosed at 11 months old. The best thing you can do, imo, is ask him what you can do.
There are some things my partner does that help me in little ways. He wonāt start to eat until I do, so I can test and take my insulin and then weāll eat together, the same rule applies to his 7 year old son when we have him. When SO is cooking something, he finds the carbs for me, even if it means weighing food for me. This makes being cooked for almost normal. He is my advocate when it comes to his family, who donāt always understand. If there is an issue with food that his mother is making, heāll say something to not put me in an awkward position. He doesnāt question my healthcare choices or my food choices. Should I have eaten Mr. Heroās the other night? No, but I need to indulge and he doesnāt give me a hard time. Sometimes, he just tells me that diabetes is hard. Knowing that he appreciates the work I put into it helps a lot.
Thatās really great that you are joining him in his journey like this. This bodes well for you as a couple into the future. Itās sad that Type 1 is such a psychological disease, and this can be very challenging for our partners. Unfortunately is is very complicated, frustrating, and we need to handle it independently, yet we might need assistance sometimes. This pretty much pisses us all off, because as much as we just try to take care of it and do our thing, it takes a toll on our partners because they want to be involved, but itās so complicated that itās just impossible to truly understand unless you have it. Just be there to listen, check in on him once a week or so (āSweetie, how have your BGās been treating you lately?ā), and do be prepared that it may be a bumpy journey. Things have gotten a lot better over the last 20 years or so, but complications can certainly happen, and they are very frustrating. You are a strong woman, and if you can be by his side then he is a very lucky man.
He is very fortunate to have someone, you, to care about him and even think about his disease. That alone is very supportive. I guarantee you this is soothing to him! Just observe him in his routines and reactions from which you will intuitively learn. Donāt make a big deal of it, though, just let time reveal his diabetic idiosyncrasies to you. The more he trusts you, the more he will make you part of his diabetes management. It can even be a privilege between you and him. I am selective who I let on my planet diabetes that I live on and it is for two reasons: Because I donāt want to be hurt by diabetes-ignorant people, and I donāt want to burden those who I care about beyond their limits.
yep. youāre right. I got type 1 when i was 7 and it really hit me hard psychologically. I was a fat preteen / teen on shots, couldnāt eat candy or drink Cokes. Felt betrayed by life. Really hit hard when I started driving. There is nothing good about this disease.
We have take a big step forward recently. He allows me to dose him before our regular date nights and weeknight dinners simply saying he ādoesnāt want to stab himself again todayā or āitās easier when we take turnsā. Heās opening up and itās all thanks to all of your advice. I gave him space and allowed him to move at his emotional pace. We attended a class to see if he is eligible for a āpodā I believe it is called, or a pump. Although he was negative towards the idea at first we had our first real talk about the role his diabetes will play in the future and what was the right move for him. Finally he included me in the decision and we have decided to move forward getting his blood sugars into his doctor and starting the trial run of the pod his doctor suggested. Little by little we are beginning to manage together. I couldnāt thank all of you enough!
āOmnipodāāitās a particular pump brand, distinguished by the fact that it doesnāt have any tubing. Lots of information about it here and on the net if you want to know more.
Glad to hear youāve made such progress!
hereās video of a community member doing a pod change that you might find interesting
I joke with, although iām pretty much serious, that since i got diabetes at 7, i never really was able to learn much. it would be different if i had gotten it in my 20ās i believe. pumps are great tools but a lot of girls iāve been with donāt understand why i canāt just do shots. i would love to be able to use pens, but then instead of questioning a pump, they would be questioning why iām injecting and eating differently. i guess i canāt win. itās lose - lose for me so i just stick to the pump because it at least makes things easier for me.