So my angst and anger and annoyance aside, (that's a lot of 'a' words), I have a boyfriend, and he loves me immensely. He knew at the beginning of our relationship that I was a type one diabetic; our relationship actually started because I was diagnosed with it. But lately my moods have been horrid, I don't want to check or deal with the type one, etc. He tries to get me to check or take my insulin and I just get mad at him. He keeps eating chocolate or three or four servings a sitting of mashed potatoes or whatever else of high carbs. He doesn't seem to understand how much this bothers me. He also eats most of my serving, which bothers me too. But as much as I try to tell him how it makes me feel, it doesn't help him understand and he just gets defensive. He drinks soda late at night. I feel like we are always at eachother. He doesn't believe me when I say mood swings can be caused by diabetes; he thinks I can just do some deep breathing and it will go away. Since the type one onset, I have been diagnosed with a rare form of eczema, bipolar, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, anger (my shrink wanted to admit me to a mental hospital for evaluation). I was also just told I have a thyroid issue which affects my calming down after getting mad near impossible to do. I had just ended an abusive relationship after the diagnosis. I am a full time college student (made the dean's list the last three semesters). Just some background. But what has made me write this is that I was just telling him about the artificial pancreas system, and he said it had been out for years. I told him it is still going through its trial phase and he wouldn't believe me even after I showed him proof. I feel like he thinks I'm incompetent. Out of the two of us, I figure I would know if there were new developments because I have the disease. It has consumed me mentally. I get emails hourly about type one/diabetes. I constantly worry about my levels even though I dont check. Plus the eczema has made it difficult enough to check my fingers.
I'm at a loss about what to do or how to get through to him. I hate the fighting but I can't get a grip, which like I said, he doesn't believe.
The only answer to worrying about your levels is to check. How ever much you know, your boyfriend may be correct to think that you're "incompetent" if you don't test.
Without checking, neither of you can fix any potential problems. Re the AP, you should give him points, even if he was 'wrong' for knowing about what *is* out, a CGM and pump, which is pretty close to an artificial pancreas and can do a pretty decent job. But you have to test, as I think you have to do with an AP too.
Re the food, maybe mashed potatoes aren't the best solution (not to mention they're not the best for anyone, D or not, they are one of my favorites though, a highlight of knocking my teeth out in a bike wreck a couple of years ago was eating them for a few days waiting for the new teeth...) but they aren't impossible but you have to test, bolus, eat and test again, just like pretty much anything else you'd eat. There's no way around that. If you're eating lower carb, that can be a big help but I've found it useful to count 53% (ok, I round to 50% most of the time...) of protein and bolus for that too.
Re the overall situation, I think that in order to prove how smart you are, you should test enough to manage your diabetes. That will prove how smart you are to anyone more than knowing about an artificial pancreas vs. various other options that are out there. One final thing about recent problems would be to suggest that maybe the honeymoon is over? The diabetes one, not the boyfriend! It's usually a year or so out and dx in March, listed on your page, suggests that it may be going on, in which case a doctor might determine that and adjust your plan based on reported high BG. If you haven't been to your endo recently, perhaps it would be good to approach them with that?
I understand that at least a part of your mind is always on diabetes. I think almost all diabetics feel this way, weather they are well controlled or not. The fact is that if you want to have a long healthy life your best chances involve testing. You need the data from testing in order to make educated decisions on food and insulin. I really think you need to test more and always take insulin when you are ingesting carbs. Also understand that he is nagging you because he loves you and wants you to be healthy. While I understand that this can be annoying, you should also understand that he is just trying to help you. If checking on your fingers is too problematic, then you may want to consider alternate site testing: http://www.abbottdiabetescare.ca/adc_ca/url/content/en_CA/20.10.30:30/general_content/General_Content_0000321.htm
I have never been that upset about others loading up on carbs, candy, etc. in front of me. It is his choice to eat it just like it is your choice to eat some or not. I don't think you need to worry about his eating behaviour, its his choice. If it makes you hungry watching him eat, then I would suggest that you find a low carb food that you can eat while he is eating it or leave the area.
This doesn't help the problem with your boyfriend, but I have had eczema for 40 years, since dx and beginning to eat low carb I have found that my hands are not so tender with rashes. I rather suspect it could be wheat, but whatever it may help if you do eat low carb for a bit and use the cream the dr. gives you when ecxema is bad. I hope you will discover that eating low carb will help with at least one of your problems. Maureen
Hi We all have a long list of issues...you must learn how to deal with them and achieve your goals (BE HAPPY) . Try not to lump all of your issues together and just take one day at a time and deal with what needs to get done on that day, worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Don't worry about what none PWD's eat, just take care of your needs first and then you can help others around you. I'm sure you have flown on a commercial airplane, they always say if the cabin has a loss of pressure put your mask on first and then help others and small children around you , take this to heart, this is how life works. Your spirit must be strong or you cannot help or deal with others around you.
No one is ever going to understand how you really feel...really....;-) cut your family and friends some slack, if they do not have Type1 diabetes they are clueless and are probably just making fumbling attempts to show some empathy...you said it...they love you....
I always think about the "Bete's" I even dream about it....that's the norm for something "chronic" in our life.
Remember the Bete's is your cross to carry and it's not anyone's business but yours, only you need the knowledge to control your BG, and you can choose who you share your feelings with, it may not be a good idea to share all of your feelings about Bete's with your boyfriend he may not be able to handle all of your stress...a local support group may be better.
The only way you can gain knowledge about your BG is to test and document the outcome...test, test, test.
Unfortunately he will never truly get it unless he becomes diabetic himself. I believe it is asking a lot to expect a non D person to understand when he hasn't experienced it. I do believe that he understands that he loves you and wants to be part of your life. I think he understands that to be with a healthy and happy you he must help you, you would do the same for him I'm sure. His attempts at help may be annoying but they come from a good heart. Helping our loved ones is just something we do in a relationship.
I think there is more going on here than his annoying attempts at help. The stress and depression that is so often associated with D can adversly effect relationships. An understanding partner can go a long way but we must also look to ourselves to overcome it.
You know, the frustration works both ways. When my relatives see books in the checkout called "Cure your diabetes in 14 days!" and "Reversing Diabetes" with pictures of docs on the cover at the checkout, they wonder why I'm such a slacker. I've had it 30+ years, yet I'm so lazy that I'd take insulin and check my bg all the time instead of cure myself. What a slacker! I got chewed out by my father in law just last week. He can't believe that I'm so lazy.
And how about those artificial pancreases, why don't we just go buy one at CVS? They're sitting on the shelves in plain view.
Above written all tongue in cheek of course. (Well, OK, I did get chewed out by my father in law for being so lazy that I haven't cured myself yet.) A lot of my relatives don't know the difference between a pump, a bg meter, and a vial of insulin. It is EXTREMELY common for them to assume that my bg meter delivers insulin. Was EXTREMELY common 20+ years ago too.
Relax… Be yourself for a moment without worrying about how to change someone or the diabetes issues. Yes, it’s alway there, lurking up to bite u now and then with appointments, the meds, never-ending emails etc but you can’t change someone nor would I try!
May I suggest an alternative, since you’re the “brainy” one… get one of those diabetic seminars that universities love to hold on the weekend going, “diabetes in the new age!” Or whatever u want to call it, involve the other facultities across the campus, sciences, arts, etc, and then drag him along for the weekend; no pressures - just curiosity to open his mind to understand what you are going through on a daily basis.
Sometimes one has to wait til the thyroid problem has been tackled and controlled and helped to smooth your metabolism before a relationship should even be looked at. After you get through that, look at the situation again. You'll be in a better position to do so - with all you're doing.
Do the testing, the recording of tests and food grams and insulin taken, and check in with your diabetes team for ideas after the thyroid has been calmed down.
At that point, with all you're doing, think about if you really want a relationship for awhile. Sometimes relationships aren't as important as being one's own person in a calm environment which one can control and stabilize for awhile.
Haha, he is pretty brainy too. Thanks though!! I would love to be able to go to one of those; Joslin Clinic had a type one symposium a while back but I missed it because I wasn't feeling well.. I will have to look up a few other ones.
It's crazy how much people don't know and think they know. The costs for such things are through the roof; I had to argue with my school for my health insurance through the state because they figured I could pay $300+ a month for my prescriptions. My boyfriend at least is trying to learn, we just hit heads so much with this.. He knows how to give me my shots, check my blood, and how much of my levemir to give.
Thanks so much. I'm trying to not snap as much, but it is just so difficult. If I keep my levels level, I still feel like it doesn't work as much as I would hope.
They couldn't even figure out what it was. Two cultures, three visits to the ER, and seven top dermotologists later, they said it was eczema. Now I have to take pills and use steriod creams, no matter what my levels are. It's just another thing in the list of 'not-wanting-to-deal-with'. But alright, thanks so much for the advice!
Thank you for your thoughts. Truly. The airplane thing makes complete sense.. I have been testing more the last few days, which doesn't help if I don't stay on that. Thank you; I am slowly making a list of everything that needs to be accomplished each day. Slowly but surely..
The issue isn't so much what he's eating, it's more how much he's eating because now I am paranoid about anyone I love getting type two. My mother, when I got diagnosed, kept eating to try and get type two; I wanted to slap some sense into her. It's just ridiculous. But I do need to check more. The other thing is now that I don't want to go high with my levels, I don't want to eat. It's a vicious cycle. Thank you.
I take 15 units of long lasting every night, and then I am supposed to be at a 1:10 insulin to carb ratio, but I am so scared of going low, I usually don't take the quick acting unless I ate a lot. But thank you, I have three appointments next week, so maybe something will be changed..
I didn't want to start a new thread. I just went to the doctor at Joslin Clinic the other day and the woman wants to speak with my boyfriend about what I'm going through; he said it was a good idea and he would help with solidarity with eating three meals a day starting today. But then I just woke up with a high blood sugar and take my insulin to bring it down, and he goes to the kitchen, eats chocolate, and then comes back to me with ice cream. I'm furious, but trying to restrain it. I don't understand why it just goes over his head..
I can empathize with many of your concerns. My BF & I had been together for 5 years at the time of my dx as T2. While my BF tried to be helpful and flexible as I got used to living with diabetes, my diabetes certainly put a strain on our relationship. Sitting on the sofa, watching tv, and eating candy hearts or cookies was over. I was done with drinking (together). Many of our favorite restaurants were now off-limits. I privileged getting to the gym over making him dinner. I wanted a full night of sleep more than I wanted a sleep-over. I hated staying at his house, with its carby snacks.
Gradually, things have improved for us. Putting my diabetes care ahead of everything was essential. With time, I learned to be more direct in communicating this, and hopefully less angry and bitchy.
I wish you the best as you clarify your priorities--and with your boyfriend.
Hmm, re the ice cream, did he mix up "eek, I'm high" with "eek I'm low" and think he was treating it? It's great that your doc will involve him in the process. I took MrsAcidRock along when I had some appointments before I got a pump but most of the time, she's supportive, etc. but I'm on my own. I don't worry about what she eats, except sometimes I'll give her crap about eating garbage but she sort of lets me run my show. Her commute is worse so I do most of the cooking too, which also helps me do what I want. If they want some ice cream, they are more than welcome to it.
get one of those diabetic seminars that universities love to hold on the weekend going, “diabetes in the new age!” Or whatever u want to call it, involve the other facultities across the campus, sciences, arts, etc, and then drag him along for the weekend; no pressures - just curiosity to open his mind to understand what you are going through on a daily basis.