So, after talking to my therapist this morning, I decided to finally take insulin after a little more than a day…and boy am I regretting it now. I’m going crazy just thinking about the fact that I took my insulin appropriately. I wish I could take it back so bad. I keep thinking how bad I need insulin because I have class tonight and I need to study for my class on Thursday, and how my work is suffering because of it, but I just don’t care anymore. I’m so much into my eating disorder. I don’t want to stop although I need help badly. I need some switch to flip in my brain. I don’t get why I just can’t stop?
I have no life right now. It’s consumed with thoughts of weight and food even though my therapist keeps telling me that it’s not about that, but it’s about the emotional stuff. I just want to go home and sleep tonight like I do every night after dinner. That’s all I want. I don’t want to live…I don’t want to work…I don’t want to go to class or study…I’m just so tired. So tired of being sick and being diabetic.
being dead sucks more than being sick. try sticking w/ insulin for a little while longer and see how much bettter you feel being in control of your sugars and reach out to you support crew if you need them. They all care about you and want you to thrive and are there to support to. you can do this stay strong
I want you to know, that you are beautiul, you are wonderful, you ARE amazing with OR without diabetes. Diabetes is NOT who you are, but only apart of you! Just as this eating disorder is not who you are and should not keep you from being you who want to be. The way I see it is that you have to paths, a negative and positive. You can grow from this challenge and help others, or shrink and stay in this rut. You have potential and you deserve SO MUCH MORE than what this eating disorder and thoughts of weight and food can ever give you. I hope that you see that you are beautiful inside and you. You are! Dont doubt my words! (: I havent had an eating disorder and I dont fully understand the challenges but I have had body image issues before i was diagnosed with diabetes and even worse afterwards because i have a horrible matabalism, but the way i look at it is this, I can go on living life and “just getting through the day” and hate myself because i ate and havent lost anyweight, OR I can change my way of thinking (which is hard and a huge step!) and grow and see myself as a beauiful individual with amazing potential. You have so much more potential, you can have a much better life! Dont let this eating disorder weigh you down or become who you are, because by no means, you are not it. Try and look at things in a different perspective! I AM NOT telling you what to do, but giving you some words of love and encouragement.
Michelle,
I really don’t have much to say that will make you feel better or feel differently. I hope this doesn’t sound cliche and trite, but you really aren’t alone in your struggle and depression. I hear you Michelle.
So often Michelle this is our problem, our diabetes and our ED are so interlinked that it is impossible to separate and don’t beat yourself up, you wouldn’t expect an anorexic to ‘just eat’ or a bulimic to ‘just not throw up’. It’s normal that you feel like this, we all do when we start to recover. You have to understand that by fighting against your ed and injecting, it’s fighting back. But by injecting you ARE beating it, I know that with all the confusion and the anxiety it feels your losing but your not, this is how you beat it, one injection at a time. Please feel free to email me at any time jacq@dwed.org.uk
Michelle, I just wanted to say that at least your trying to get help. I am Type 1 since 1994 and have gone on and off with taking care of myself or just saying screw it and eating what ever and how much ever I want. I would still take insulin just not nearly enough to cover what I was eating. Sometimes because I couldn’t afford to buy it, and sometimes because I knew it would keep me slim. Thanks to this group I found out about DR. Bernstein and am super serious about doing his diet. Plus if you only eat a little meat and vegetables you can hardly gain weight! I got tired of horrible leg, toe, arch, calf, front of calf, ankle cramps night and day and just couldn’t handle the pain and having to wake up and make it to work every day. It is now three weeks since starting the diet and I think I lost a couple pounds and feel AMAZING!
have a niece who is type 1 as well, when she was diagnosed at age 14 she was a large girl. With in a couple of years she just refused to take any insulin and got slim. She is now 24 has a husband and two very small children and has been hospitalized 5 times with Keto Acidosis and in intensive care every time, she came so close to death many times. She would only take insulin when pregnant. She knows she is hurting herself but acts like its no big deal. I can’t get through to her. It makes me really sad for both of you only because I now know there is a different way to do it. AND IT WORKS!
Hi Michelle, I might be in the same boat you are in now. For quite some time I stopped taking care of myself and stopped watching my sugars. I became very skinny and looked sickly. I was recently in the hospital because of dehydration and I realized I needed to be there, It was my push to get me back on track with taking care of myself. I too have decided I didn’t want to live anymore and deal with my diabetes. I gave up. It was a bad decision at the time…I was very depressed and I just slept all day long, I lost my job and became more depressed, I would just sleep all day and be up all night. But recently I knew I needed to change something I lost 20lbs in 2 months and I hated to look at myself in the mirror. people have always told me I was pretty but I wasn’t seeing it, It made me sick. I too also needed “to flip the switch” to get back to where I was. I am working on it now and looking forward to getting the pump. I really hate dealing with my diabetes but I don’t want to have complications, and I hate when dr’s told me I could have complications, I knew it and didn’t want to hear it. I am grateful I don’t have any problems. But if you would like to talk more about this please message me. I thought I was the only one having to deal with these things…Sorry If I blabbed on about it. I hope everything is okay for you. hope to talk to you soon!
